OldDogNewTits











{September 27, 2011}   Doctor #4 later this week (plus a completely meaningless Brady Bunch reference)

It’s Tuesday and that means I should have been flashing my boobs at a specialist somewhere around town today. I mean, that’s how I spent my last two Tuesdays, right? And, for the record, it’s how I was supposed to be spending today until ‘something suddenly came up.’ (Did anyone see The Brady Bunch movie besides me? Gratuitous movie poster pic below.)

 

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But never fear. Consultation number four is taking place this Friday. And I will again be accompanied by my trusty sidekick, Vanessa. (V, wear another stretchy top so we can compare ‘notes’ again. Or maybe you should be wearing a cape and tights this time … since you’re a sidekick and all.)

Anyway, if you’ve been keeping up … and you really should be as there are boobs at stake here … you know I’ve now been to three different doctors. And I’ve gotten three pretty different opinions on the subject … or subjects, as it were. I’m looking forward to seeing if this specialist locks in his vote anywhere near the previous three. How many more freakin’ opinions can there be? Aren’t there only so many options available?

Maybe this doctor will try to talk me into adding a third boob somewhere … or maybe he’ll want to just move everything to my back since I am a steadfast stomach sleeper. Or maybe he’ll incorporate an air pump into the implant so I can size up a little for special occasions like weddings, beach trips, class reunions, bar mitzvahs, parent/teacher conferences, dental appointments, jury duty, laundry days, oil changes, tax audits and stuff like that.

Just remember, I am neither a doctor nor a scientist/boob engineer of any kind so, until these innovations are made available by the real professionals, we’ll just have to wait.

So, I just wanted to let everyone know I have not forgotten about boobs here. I enjoy writing about both of them (one more than the other really) as well as all of the other half-baked, screwball eccentricities that occur in my life … and I’m betting yours, too … every day.

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El Guapo says:

Yes, but where would you buy clothes to fit your extra boob?
And wouldn’t you get tired of explaining it all the time?
That being said, I’m sure it would be a …unique look…



Stephanie Myers says:

Ok, I was just innocently trying to read my email on AOL when I was sucked in by those ridiculous revolving “news” stories that scroll along and suck you in – worse than the National Enquirer stand at the check out line. Anyway, today’s headline: “Surgery Leaves Woman with Uniboob.” Thought you might be interested.

Another headline was: “Mascot Idea Backfires……Horribly.” Thought you might be interested.

Steph



I’m confused. Were these two possible headlines for the same story … meaning the uniboob is now a mascot of some sort … perhaps for bargain basement cosmetic surgery? Love it. The uniboob may well serve as a daily chapter in the future. Thanks, Steph. And, Senor El Guapo, I would say the answer to your question lies in the placement of that third boob.



It’s kind of like lunch at Sacred Heart, but instead of “Taco Tuesday” it’s “Tata Tuesday.”



Ashley says:

I like Tata Tuesday. Or Titty Tuesday.



Ashley, please tell me how I can replace the anonymous head next to this very comment. I tried for an hour last night but it never worked. I’m sick of looking at that soulless face staring back at me. Which I know is weird ’cause it doesn’t have eyes.

And, yes, in the future when I fix this problem, I realize this comment will be confusing as the ODNT logo will be in place. I’m good with it. I’m living in the here and now.



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