OldDogNewTits











{February 17, 2012}   Stuff that happened this week that I thought was worth mentioning …

Today’s Weight … 120.8

It’s been five days since I checked in here. Glad to see that number down a bit. Pretty impressive considering the cheese consumption in this household this week. And we’re now headed into Mardi Gras weekend. The good news is … lots of walking. The bad … lots of food … and drink. Sigh. Promise to be honest with the stupid weigh-ins. Ugh.

Don’t get it? Check this post.

1. I attended a Polyphonic Spree concert with my brother and my friend, Vanessa. I realize most of you probably aren’t familiar with this band, so please allow me to pontificate. There’s something about their music (especially live) that elicits an inexplicable feeling of euphoria usually only indicative of a nice muscle relaxant. Or, well, something like that. Maybe it’s the 16 people taking the stage at once wearing choir robes and carrying with them an orchestra’s worth of instruments that sets them apart. I don’t know. And, because I’m a big dork, I stuck around after the concert to meet the band’s frontman, Tim DeLaughter (even his freakin’ name sounds happy) and snap a quick photo. I’ve included the picture as well as a shameless plug for the band (a video of their appearance on Scrubs in 2004 – Love this band. Love this show).

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2. While googling the above song for a good video for this post, I was reminded of a movie (in which the song was used) that I always intended but never actually got around to seeing. (Story of my life.) So this week, thanks to Netflix, I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Anyone besides me ever see it? That is one unconventional film. And it involves Jim Carrey in a serious (as opposed to manically stupid) role which (like Robin Williams) is always a good thing. I won’t ruin it for you by rehashing the whole plot. Just go see it for yourself some time and come back and tell me what you think.

3. Ellen Degeneres used one of my jokes on her show this week. “ONE of my.” That’s funny. Like I have an arsenal or something. Anyway, she was seeking corny Valentine’s Day jokes and I tweeted her one. What’s that? Well, YES, I tweet. It’s 2012, McFly. (Great. Any hipness Twitter just bought me was erased by my cavalier use of ‘McFly.’)

4. I lost half of my face to a little snafu with a women’s skin care product, uncharacteristically cold weather and my own, full-on ignorance. Apparently, Retin-A does not double as a moisturizer. I’ll bet any woman worth her salt already knew that. In the area of cosmetics and girly savoir faire, I am not worth any salt, mine or anyone else’s. Which, apparently, is only about $2.99 per pound, thus rendering me pretty useless. Except that when I complained of my Retin-A debacle, one friend actually said I was ‘making leprosy cool.’ Um, thanks?

5. I made cheese. Yes, that’s right. I built it. From the ground up … or the milk up, as it were. There were powders, liquids, cooking thermometers and oversized, cauldron-y-looking pots involved. And then there was the whole curds-and-whey-separation, a rather tedious process. And kneading. Dear God, was there kneading. But, in the end, there was cheese. Mozzarella cheese. That we promptly used on a homemade pizza for dinner last night. I made cheese. (Sniff.) I may try walking on water later this weekend.

6. I watched my girl kick butt in her third year in the school talent show. She channeled a young Michael Jackson beautifully in her own take on ‘I Want You Back,” although I think she was going for Nickelodeon’s Victoria Justice who recently covered the old J5 song. And, as always, we got to see a lot of other kids strutting their best stuff on stage all evening. One of my favorite acts involved two nine-year-old white boys popping and locking better than a 1980s Alfonso Ribeiro. (Without googling him, please comment below if you actually know who I’m talking about. No cheating!)

7. With the help of a few friends, I compiled a list of of people we’d like to see cloned and sent it to @GeneticsView who (foolishly) decided to follow me on Twitter. They hung in there for most of my shenanigans but finally unfollowed me because, I think, I got greedy and asked for too many clones. Who was on the list, you ask? Using the input of others as well as my own ideas, we sent them the following names: Brad Pitt, Jane Russell, Johnny Depp, Julia Child, Bono, Ellen Degeneres and Orlando Bloom. We were really just getting started when they unfollowed. Cowards. What crappy customer service.

8. I learned that I am an unteachable monkey when it comes to the computer. As such, there will likely be many more ‘This is not a real blog post‘ blog posts until I get this crap straightened out. Feel free to ignore them.

9. I learned that I know someone who knows Paul McCartney. That’s only two degrees, people. Meaning YOU are only three degrees of separation from Sir Paul. Go run and update your Facebook statuses … now!

10. I accidentally emailed my kids’ teachers from my ‘tits’ email again. Bear in mind, my daughter’s teachers include a nun. Please say a prayer for me immediately.

11. I an effort to throw off the many cheesy porn autobots of the world, I tried reprogramming my Twitter account by using hashtags like #Osmonds, #GirlScouts, #PBS, #BillCosby, #7thHeaven, #milk, #Crazy8s and #Waltons. It worked, but only for about five hours.

12. I devoted a day of my life to thinking good thoughts about Doug Henning. Doug Henning, you guys! Am I the only one who misses his big, buck teeth? Did you know he was a magician, illusionist, escape artist AND politician? Didn’t see that one coming, did you? A moment of silence for Mr. Henning, please.

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Oh, yeah. And we passed 25,000 hits on this six-month-old blog. Yay, us! Thanks to all for reading. Happy Mardi Gras. I’m off to a parade tonight …

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Anna G. says:

Hi ODNT,

1. Yes, I have seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I did enjoy it. I am a Kate Winslet and Kirsten Dunst movie lover. It always made me wonder if any of my exes would ever want to delete me from their memory. Considering that I am friends on FB with all of my exes, maybe I am worth remembering, just a little bit.

2. Do you mean Alphonso Rebeiro? Yes, I know who that is if that’s who you meant!

3. You should visit Naples…so much cheese…

Happy Mardi Gras!



(1) Obviously, you ARE worth remembering. I’m thinking mine all got the deluxe brainwash complete with tire dressing and new car scent.

(2) You are correct. I DID mean Alfonso Ribeira. I will always admit when I am wrong. Thanks. I’m now making the correction in the post. (Your prize is in the mail.)

(3) Which Naples are we taking about? I’m always up for a good cheese run.



Donna Amato says:

I’ve not seen Eternal Sunshine…but may have to check it out now after your review. I will let you know how I like it. I totally remember Alphonso from Silver Spoons… Totally cool about Sir Paul, and what was your Valentine joke?



I was AT THE FILMING of Eternal Sunshine…the scene(s) on the beach were in Montauk and the St. Patty’s Day Parade (I think its the biggest St Pats day parade around) was going on. They closed down the beaches because of the filming…if you listen in the background of the scenes, you can hear the Pipe Bands…so I was there! With Sir Paul – LOLOL

J/K



You mean that if I knew YOU, I would only be separated from Sir Paul by 3 degrees.

OK, so you either have to come to New Zealand or I have to go there so we can meet.

Or we could both just drop in with your friend on the McCartneys, all casual like.

In any case, the cheese is my shout.



Not 1 degree of separation between you and Sir Paul?

Home made cheese on home made pizza …. who would have thunk it?

Being new, parade in New Orleans? If so, wow … friend of mine from HS (in Ohio) just posted pics of the float she was on.



(1) Sir Paul to my pal (that’s one), my pal to me (that’s two). I’ll see what I can do to get it down to one by the next Grammy Awards, okay?

(2) Saracasm?

(3) And, yes, New Orleans … in all of its deliciously fatty and funky glory.



Well, just goes to show I don’t know how the degrees of separation think works as I was thinking one since there is one person between Sir Paul and you. In terms of using sarcasm, well …. I did come via Guapo’s! I haven’t been to your wonderful city since the late 70s … duh … what’s wrong with me?!!!



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