OldDogNewTits











{March 1, 2012}   That’s it … Greeting card copywriter is my next job.

Today’s Weight … 123.0

Two tenths of a freakin’ pound?!!? Well, alert the damned media.  That can be accomplished with a good nose blowing. 

Don’t get it? Check this post.

The following picture was posted by a friend of mine on Facebook and recently showed up on my newsfeed:

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The caption beneath this crappy quality photograph reads “Actual greeting card at Target. Wow.”

Of course, I had to look this shit up. Click the link to read more about what I learned. In short, the card was manufactured and sold in Target stores before her death. It was intended to poke fun of her downfall (due to her painfully poor choice in men) not her ultimate demise. Once she died … and someone called it to their attention … the news clip says Target execs began “the process of removing the card.” Either way, it’s pretty racey for a large, mainstream retailer.

So …. while I was spending hundreds of unplanned dollars at Target today … I decided to look for it. Greeting cards have to get misfiled more than library books, right? Well, of course, right. But … the Target greeting card selection is freakin’ huge. And let’s not underestimate my laziness. And propensity to ADHD-adjacent behavior when presented with shiny objects or, you know, cheese. I just thought it would be an interesting little item for eBay one day. Perhaps it would pay for one of my kids to attend college. Or at least get a cheeseburger in a community college student center somewhere. (Geez! Enough with the cheese already.)

Did I find it? Sadly, no. But I did find a number of other pretty funny cards for a store like Target. Part of their mission statement reads “Expect more of everything. More great design, more choices and more designer-created items that you won’t find anywhere else.”

“Designer-created items that you won’t find anywhere else”

Well, maybe not the Merona terry swimsuit coverup you’re going to see on half a dozen other women every time you head to the pool. But these card designs are pretty unique. (Please forgive the crappy photo quality. ODNT can’t afford to hire a professional photographer … yet.)

I’ll lead with these two … both of which simply say ‘Happy Easter’ inside … since I already tweeted them earlier. I’m a Catholic girl, born and bred, so I think it’s okay that I’m laughing. Or maybe now I’m going to hell. Just remember, if you laugh, you’re going with me. (Please bring sunscreen. Ooh, and beer.)

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And there were others with humorous covers and insides. Again, if I had a photographer (Holly!), the presentation here would be much lovelier. In retrospect, I should’ve probably put the outside and inside of the card together in the same picture. Oh, well.  Hindsight is 50/50 … or 20/20 … or whatever.  Anyway, until I can afford a staff, you’ll have to settle for a mindless stream featuring outside-of-card then inside-of-card shots. For most of you, it should be pretty easy to follow along. Enjoy!

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I hope to see a card like one of these in my mailbox very soon.  I’m so proud of you, Target. Sniff.

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About these ads


El Guapo says:

Target – appealing to the better angels of our nature.
Well, ok, the funnier angels then…



I think that between my Photoshop skills, and your use of words, we should start our own greeting card line….

We could call it StnkyTits?



so funny, i wouldn’t believe it if you hadn’t seen them yourself!



Only three shopping days left to get one for that special snarky person in your life.



Those are really good. My favorite might be the preposition one. Found you at finding the funny.



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