And another (more grievous) entry for the weekend challenge

Like last weekend, I had to write just one more, diametrically opposed entry for Trifextra’s Weekend Challenge. The only rules here are that the submission needs to be 33 words exactly and it should best demonstrate (of all entries) the proper use for an exclamation point. So, without further ado, I give you entry two for the weekend … entitled A Bullet Not Dodged.

* * * * * * * * * *

It was the morning after the storm.  The hotel had already started handing out champagne when he entered and tried to speak over the revelry. Fighting inevitable tears, he bellowed, “The levees broke!”

* * * * * * * * * *

A special NOTE from ODNT … I think I might have bent the rules a little with this submission.  I’m new to the challenge but I believe all of the writers are submitting works of fiction, which this one is not. My family of four (along with my extended family and all of our friends) were pushed out of New Orleans almost seven years ago by Hurricane Katrina.  Our home was located in one of the many neighborhoods completely destroyed by the storm.  I am lucky that my kids were babies at the time, 5 and 3, and thus have little memory of everything.  I wish I could say the same, though I usually remember everything as though it was someone else’s story.  My family is just fine now, living in a new home (never before flooded) only 2.96 miles from my old front door. I have written about the experience a bit over the years (even had some of it published) but have never mentioned much here on the blog.  One day, I’m sure I will.

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22 responses to “And another (more grievous) entry for the weekend challenge

  1. THAT…was a heavy entry….you win….

    !

  2. I can’t even imagine… Let us know when we can vote. You got mine :)

  3. I like this one, but I thought the first one rocked.

  4. I teared up along with him. Those 33 words were very powerful. Busy day of calling me names and making me cry. ;)

    Also, one of mine I did is based on real life events as well. Your writing is what counts!

  5. Well done, ODNT. I was wondering as I finished it if this was pulled from your experience.

  6. Wow. Very powerful punch here, I can only imagine the horror you must have felt… still feel. Funny how writing about true life experiences is quite cathartic, though, eh?

  7. Very nice – Powerful and frightening.

  8. As far as I know, the challenge is anything goes. The editors have never specified that fiction be used. And holy shit I feel for you! That moment must be engraved on your soul.

  9. Sometimes the shortest challenges are the most powerful, as yours is.

  10. I’m glad you came back with a second entry. This is very powerful. You certainly haven’t bent any rules — the only thing we stipulate is the theme and the length. After that, it’s up to each individual writer to respond as they see fit. And this is a perfect response to the prompt. I’m glad to hear that everything is fine now, but those memories are unlikely ever to fade.

  11. Powerful memory, for sure. Writing is a good way to diffuse it. And reading it to others, out loud. I think the word “inevitable” was not the best here, it describes a memory, not an active event like this is. Your feelings show. When we stop hiding, the writing gets better. Evelyn

  12. Thanks, Evelyn. We are very limited with our words here. The longer version of what I’m trying to express is something like “Fighting the tears he knew he could not avoid.” Thus, in my internal editing process, my brain went to ‘inevitable’ (defined as “incapable of being avoided or prevented”). But I always like hearing new ideas and varied perspectives. How would you have worded it differently?

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