OldDogNewTits











{June 19, 2012}   Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

A Note from ODNT … Due to popular demand (for my hideously ugly secrets), I am linking this post a second time to the fabulous Honest Mom’s blog. Enjoy reading about the skeletons of even more internet writers here. (Added 6/25/12) 

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Link-ups are big in the online writing community. They help get your name out there to new readers as well as provide you with actual content for your site. So, when I saw that my writing friend, Lindsey from With a Little Love and Luck, was participating in a link-up called ‘Things I’m Afraid to Tell You,’ I decided to give it a try, too.

I started by taking a look at some of the other entries. And I saw some pretty heavy confessions like “I struggle with bipolar disorder” and “I’m an atheist” which had me wondering if I could go through with this exercise. But then I saw a few lighter ones like “I’m intimidated by Facebook” and “I shave my toes.” Alright, fine. So maybe I can do it. And, if you know me at all, you know I’m going to have a little fun while I’m at it.

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1. I double dip … but just at home. Honest! It’s really just a peanut butter thing. I mean … how else am I going to get it on every bite of that lengthy pretzel rod? (And, to those who say “spoon,” I say “that’s an extra dish to wash!”) Interestingly though, I have the gall to chastise my children for doing the same. Good Lord, who knows where their hands have been? (I know. What a hypocrite.)

2. I have every one of my children’s teeth and (here’s where it gets weird) their umbilical cord stumps saved in a little box in my bedroom. I think I was a hippie in a past life. Seriously, if anyone ever rifles through my stuff, they’ll probably think I’m a serial killer. Oh, but I can’t wait to see the looks on my kids’ faces when I hand them their boxes on their 18th birthdays. Perhaps I’ll string them into jewelry … or some cuff links for my boy.

3. I am Catholic and, while I don’t subscribe to all of the teachings, I do believe in Heaven. I find that my life is much nicer this way. The anticipation. The accountability. So, if you know something I don’t, please don’t ruin my happy ending for me.

4. I hate The Office, The Hangover, reality television and country music. I know. YOU think they’re awesome. YOU know if I could “just see this one part” or “hear this one song,” you could win me over. Wrong. But I won’t judge you for liking them. Or at least I won’t do it in front of you. And I promise you won’t ever change my mind.

Sidebar #1 … I can remember watching an interview back in the 90s with one of David Koresh’s disciples and hearing her say that people just “didn’t understand his charisma” and that “if you just sat in a room with him for five minutes he could win you over.” And I remember thinking right then and there that I wished the man was alive so that I could sit in a room with him for five minutes. Hell, I’d give him an hour. And he could bring Kool-Aid or whatever beverage he wanted to serve. All I knew was that I was walking out of the room as the same person who walked in. When my mind is made up, it’s not easily swayed. Bring it, Koresh.

5. I (still) have basic cable and VCRs (two of them, thank you) in my house. Hooked up. Not in addition to DVR but instead of it. I just can’t justify the added expense. Plus, the only things ever watched in this house are sports, Nickelodeon and Netflix so what difference does it make? (I’ll bet my entire family just crawled under the table in shame.)

6. I have seen Liza Minnelli, Neil Diamond, Barry Manilow and Donny & Marie all in concert. Not together. But, wow, what a show that would be. I love all of these performers … there I said it … and all with good reason. They all represent meaningful connections in my life. Liza = my mom. Neil = my dad. Barry = my grandmother. Donny & Marie = me, the early years. I should probably make a trip to Vegas soon. I’ll bet they’re all playing somewhere. And I could call it The ODNT Sentimental Tour. (Actually, we could probably come up with something better than that by the time I have the t-shirts printed. Now accepting ideas.)

7. I can go for up to five days without washing my hair. I’m not talking about bathing in general, mind you. That happens every day. But hair washing? Well, let’s just say that I’ve discovered the waterless spray “shampoo” that all the octogenarians are talking about. Don’t knock it ’til you try it.

8. I don’t know how to dive. Not even close. When I was young, a kid from my class died in a diving accident and, since then, the idea of jumping into anything with my eyes closed, leading with my skull, just seemed like a terribly reckless idea. I guess now I’m unteachable. I think I missed the window.

9. I don’t flush the toilet when I pee in the middle of the night. It all started when we lived in a glorified closet and my first child was an infant. Since then, I’ve just come to feel the noise is entirely too jarring and messes with my whole middle-of-the-night, tranquility vibe.

Sidebar #2 … Why do I have to get up two or three times every night to pee (none of which is flushed until the sun has risen) while my cat manages the whole time just fine in my room shut off from his “facilities?” His kitty bladder must only be the size of an apple. And I’m talking about the small, dinky kind they pack in boxed lunches. He’s my hero. It just doesn’t add up.

10. I have NO idea where I’ll be in five years. Zero. And that scares the snot out of me.

Sidebar #3 … I’ve now managed to work “snot” into the blog for two consecutive posts. Should I keep it going?

Thanks for reading.

What about you? Care to admit to anything in the comments below?

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Donna Amato says:

Hmm..let’s see.
1. I have an unhealthy obsession with the 80′s. Not the whole culture, just the music. You won’t catch me in a fluorescent pink tutu with fingerless gloves and huge bows in my hair…but you can always bet that I will be listening to a song from that classic era every time I turn on my car or am at my computer (thank you Sirius XM). And I have actually given some thought to this over the years (thank you Psychology degree) and figured out that it’s because for me it was my golden era. All of my family was together (I lost my brother in 1988, I was fourteen, my grandfather and grandmother shortly thereafter, and more recently my Dad in ’04), and I had not a care in the world. My only problem was what shade of neon legwarmers I would put on. So it brings me back to a simpler time and makes me smile…

2. Though I have always been a “Catholic” I lost my faith around the same time my brother died and I would now consider myself to be an athiest. I am not infringing my beliefs on my daughter though, she is on track to get her communion next year, and I will make sure she has her sacraments. But my husband is the one who brings her to church.

3. I have had several dogs in my lifetime, and I loved them when I had them. But I have NO desire to own one now. Or pets of any kind. Or plants for that matter.

4. My grandmother gave me a stuffed pink rabbit (affectionately known as bun-bun) when I was 6 years old, and it now resides in my daughter’s play room. No one better even look at it wrong. For reals.

5. I have 7 tattoos. Some are more conspicuous then others. I am well aware of the stigma that goes with this fact, but I love them and that’s all that matters.

6. I hate…nay, LOATHE Country music.

(this is way harder than I thought. I am gonna stop there… )



You shouldn’t be afraid to tell me, and I won’t be afraid to agree ;)



k~ says:

Okay Michelle,

I am a freak about germs, and just knowing that you double dip in your peanut butter would keep me out of most of your kitchen. I don’t trust many people to be honest about it any way, so eating at someone’s house, other than my own, is generally not done. I don’t eat at potlucks, unless I have watched them prepare the food and trust the process, but I will go ;-) (I don’t eat out often either, but at some places I can/do).

I have strong spiritual beliefs that don’t fit into a container (and I will leave out the explanation, as I would not want to spoil your happy ending).

I have no desire to share my entire world with the general public. Some of the things that are personal to me, are bound to stay that way. On the other hand, if you are a close friend/family who has earned my trust, I am an open book.

If a person tells me that they “don’t want to go there” in a conversation where opinions are different, one from the other, chances are I will not talk to them in depth about anything again, and if it was an intimate relationship in the making, it stops right then and there. It’s a waste of time when there are too many rules to define their comfort zones with, and there is no opportunity for growth when doors are shut.

Hmmmm.. “Afraid to tell you”… I guess I’m not afraid to tell you anything, even though there are some things I won’t tell you.

Ahhhh maybe I ought to tell you I am a pretty literal word weaver, and afraid of very little ;-)

Fun read though.



This is great. I love it when people reveal some personal details about themselves that make all of us feel more real and less like circus freaks. ;) I don’t flush either, and I wish I could get on board with the not washing hair thing but it’s not gonna happen. My hair does not cooperate.



Linda M. says:

Hi! I’ve seen links from friends over the past several weeks to your blog and found your writing hilarious! So hi, I’m Linda and your newest blog follower! Yay! Since I don’t like to scare people when I first meet them with my weird quirks, all I’ll admit to is loving the first several pages (the main reason I was directed here!) because I’ve been doing tons of new boob research with very little conclusions drawn up, so thanks for that!



Hi and welcome!

I promise you won’t scare anyone. We like to walk around in our figurative underwear here at ODNT.



John says:

I’ll still read you though.

Weirdo.



Freak.



John says:

Complementing me won’t change anything. Oddball.



Mel says:

I might do this but I’ll share a few things:

1. If one of my friends post on FB that they are aggravated w/ someone, I always wonder if it’s me…even if I haven’t talked to them that week or done anything.

2. I’m a worry wart…see above.

3. When my babies would cry and I’d kiss their cheeks, it ALWAYS made me gag. Wet tears are gross!

4. I got a belly button piercing by a witch with purple hair in Salem, MA when I was 18 and had it until the OB made me take it out when I was pregnant with T.

What is this “dry shampoo” you speak of?



Ummmm…..

#9 – me too…..for same reason…

Ummmmm however, I can hold my bladder for 12 hours…..

2 – Im a Emetophobic

3 – Went to Catholic school and came out a zen agnostic of some sort

4 – Would be a complete hermit, if life didnt necessitate interacting with people

5 – I can read people immediately when I meet them (online or in person) and am right on 99% of the time. The 1% who have fooled me are often dx’d as sociopaths

6 – I prefer the company of animals, due to #4 and #5



I’m also an anal retentive grammar freak….#2 I’m AN, no A



I double dip, I saved all my kids teeth and other weird things like first band-aids. But I’m afraid I love country music, especially if I’m feeling down. I can go 4 or 5 days without washing my hair, but it’s in a pony tail after day 3. I pee 5 times a night. So tell me this, honestly, do you think this is country music?? http://www.reverbnation.com/open_graph/song/8839636 We just can’t decide!!



Okay, you asked so I’ll answer … honestly. (Then you can tell me to kiss off because she’s your cousin or whatever.) I would not classify this clip as country music. It’s just not twangy or “pick-up-trucky” enough. I like her voice though. It’s smoky and a little Adele-ish. I do not, however, like the song itself or the accompaniment behind her. (Dear God, please don’t be the songwriter.)



No, that’s ok! The songwriter wrote that when she was 13. To her biological mother. So it was a story. No big deal. To be honest, she has never been happy with the way the accompaniments came out, but you live and learn. She did that in a studio when she was 15, and she learned you have to be very bossy when it comes to your music. So now she is working on something new, but we just wonder, where does it fit? Some people say she’s country, but I just don’t think that’s quite right. The artist is my daughter, but if you can’t accept constructive criticism in this business, you’d better run and hide! I was just curious as a hater of country if you would call that country… (Personally I love to listen to her sit and sing with her guitar more than I like the produced version.)



Like I said, her voice is amazing. And she’s a pretty girl, too. Everything else is easy to adjust. Again, I would not call the music country. Actually, with slightly tweaked accompaniment, I think it would sound like a lot of the Top 40 pop out there now. Like Adele … who just won a Grammy. :)

She’s young and you guys have plenty of time. Keep plugging away. You never know …



I was just curious as to what an outsider would hear. Thanks for the input. Very valuable.



Well, I’m flattered you asked. It’s always difficult to put yourself out there and I hope I supported your feelings about the whole thing. Good luck to her!



arieloser says:

I wish I would have seen this before it was too late to participate. So here is a few just for you. :)

1.) I also don’t flush at night. I giggled a little when I saw that because that is SO embarrassing to me. I thought I was the only one until now!

2.) I use spellcheck more than anyone in the world. I am so bad at spelling. I like to blame it on going to about 15 different schools growing up so I have HUGE gaps in my education.

3.) It takes me 5x longer than the average human to read and analog clock… See #2 for my reasoning…

4.) Sometimes I’m a little smug about how clean I keep my house. Only in my head, I could NEVER say anything about it out loud. I already feel too much guilt for just THINKING it.

Well that’s just SOME off the top of my head. :)



Number 3 was me … for years. I actually don’t know if I’m any better now. I just tend to keep digital clocks around and use my cell phone instead of a watch. So people don’t realize how dimwitted I really am.



I agree with #4 completely, EXCEPT The Hangover. The first one was brilliant. The Office used to be good, but then sank faster than a lead corpse and is now awful.
reality TV and country music have and always will suck.



The thing about The Hangover is … I never laughed. Honestly, not even once. Perhaps that’s the point.

I should probably try out for one of those ‘Make Me Laugh’ contests. Bet I could win. :)



Did you laugh at Bridesmaids?



Funny you’d ask that because I consider it the girl version of The Hangover. I saw Bridesmaids in great company at the theater and drinks were involved so yes. I will admit to laughing here and there (not uproariously, mind you) but audibly enough that I would not have won a straight face contest.

If memory serves, I think I lost it when Maya couldn’t make it across the street in the wedding gown.

* SPOILER ALERT *

Poop never ceases to be funny. :)



Yes to Barry Manilow — I used to stand on the hearth with my parents’ microphone (the one that came with their stereo) fake plugged into the fireplace tools and sing “I Write the Songs…” while listening to the record. Good times.
Also, I never flush during the night for the same reason. And I have to pee at least twice every night (probably for the same reason).

As for “The Office,” at the risk of having Kool-Aid thrown at me, have you watched the British version? It’s the original (shown here on BBC America) and it’s way funnier thanks to the British snark.



Technically, Cyndi, I have not … and shame on me considering there’s a DVD of one of the seasons in a drawer in my bedroom. Ricky Gervais, right?

Oh, and … You are music and you write the SONGS!



Well, considering my blog is one big confessional, I am not sure what I am afraid to tell you. I pretty much spill it all. But you know what? I’m totally running with this meme this week. I am sure there are tons of things I haven’t admitted yet!!!



[...] at ODNT clued me into this little blog meme/linkup/phenomenon called “Things I’m Afraid to Tell [...]



Ha ha, well said. I, too, am not a fan of reality TV. I particularly hate The Bachelor. I mean, really — EVERY SINGLE TIME, he has to choose between two women – both of whom, of course he loves more than life – in that last episode. Really? Every time? That’s called, “this needs to happen or nobody would tune in.” It bugs the crap out of me. PS, it’s hard enough to keep a marriage going when you’ve known the person for 10 years, let alone when you chose them out of a line up on live TV. But I digress. Cool post. Found you at Honest Mom’s link up!

Oh, and PS, I am jealous of your being able to go 5 days without washing your hair. If I skip even one day, I look like a grease monkey. So irritating!



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