OldDogNewTits











{July 3, 2012}   Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? (Hint: Johnny Depp)

Happy Fourth of July!

Trifecta challenged us to compose something between 33 & 333 words using the word and definition below. Honestly, I think I may have cheated a little since Mr. Depp did the writing for me.

FIREWORKS (noun)
3: plural
a : display of temper or intense conflict
b : a spectacular display <the fireworks of autumn leaves>
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* * * * * * * * * *

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Michele,

Yes, it’s true. Vanessa and I have split. This business of living on two continents and a private island has been difficult for years. And, quite frankly, when she caught me reading a website called “Old Dog, New Tits” … well, you can imagine the fireworks, right?

I tried explaining to her that we’re just friends. I told her we first met in 1990 and didn’t even really get to know each other until ’93. And she said, “What about Jump Street, Johnny? Or getting sucked into the bed during your Nightmare? She didn’t like THOSE, Johnny?” Of course, I shouted back that NOBODY liked those. I told her that you laugh at me every time we talk about those little blasts from the past … and that you call them my “Macchio years.” But she didn’t think it was funny.

So now, Lily, Jack and I are flying in for the 4th and we were wondering if you, Dave and the kids had any plans. Would it be alright if we tagged along? I promise to make my Tandoori Chicken. Yes, and the grilled corn, too.

Oh, and before I forget, I wanted to let you know how much I’ve been enjoying the blog. It’s such a great way to keep up with you guys. I promise I’ll get around to finally writing that guest post we talked about. And, yes, I know I just split an infinitive. That’s exactly the reason I’m afraid to write for you, you big grammar nerd. :)

Anyway, let’s talk soon. Let me know if you need anything else for Wednesday. The kids can’t wait to see you!

Johnny

P.S. Do you think Mr. Kleinpeter would take the kids on another tour of the dairy farm while we’re in town? Lily is sooooo jealous that you have a calf named after you. And Jack’s really looking forward to milking a cow. Ask Virginia if she and her kids want to come with us again. I’ll treat for lunch after.

* * * * * * * * * *

1993 was a banner year for my friend, Johnny. He released two of my favorite films, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and Benny & Joon, from which this tremendous selection was taken. Enjoy …

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read to be read at yeahwrite.me

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Maybe she just got tired of Tim Burton stopping by every single f*n day with a new idea.
Well ‘new’ in the loosest sense of the word.



Annabelle says:

You’ve got to wonder about that, no? The letter made me laugh.



“Okay. It’s the night before Halloween. We open in a cemetery in the middle of an electrical storm. One lonely mummy ambles through … what? It’s been done???”



Mel says:

Have I been living under a rock? When did they split? No matter. Enjoy your dinner. Please let him borrow your “waterless shampoo” you spoke of before. As adorable he is, I think his hair could use a little de-greasing. (ducking and running back to my blog)



Didn’t Chris tell you? After your surgery, you were under for thirteen years. Tuck’s in college now and Mags will be finishing up high school soon. Oh, and Johnny and I are the best of friends!

#delusional



Mel says:

But I didn’t physically age a day, right? FINALLY! I will look great for my age. :)



El Guapo says:

Great clip from a very underrated movie.
Did Dave reply to the letter warning Johnny to stay away from you?



No. Because Dave LOVES his Tandoori Chicken.



Tara R. says:

Great letter! So sad about Johnny and Vanessa though. Maybe he will be doing other projects than just Pirate movies now.



He’s got a lot of plates spinning at the moment.



judithhb says:

Love your take on this challenge. And of course, I love Johnny Depp when he is other than a pirate!



I have to admit … I like the pirate, too.



I LOVE THIS! How this made me smile.



Then my work here is done.



“NOBODY liked those.” Love it! And, oh, how I love Johnny. I find his hair to be just the right amount of greasy.



He’s aware of his strengths and weaknesses.

Oh, and the grease? My idea.



Okay, I didn’t read any of the other entries, but this should win!!! (Let me know if you need this comment repeated in all caps.) :D

And there should be some sort of bonus round for anyone who manages to work cows into their post!



Please feel free to comment on all of my posts from here forward. :)



I had to look up what a split infinitive was. Now I’m afraid to leave a comment :)

I like your letter – especially the opening paragraph!



It’s good to finally know what a split infinitive is, Janna. It’s good to finally know.



brenda w says:

My lust for Johnny knew no bounds, until I discovered he cheated on Vanessa. Now it’s history. He’s still a GREAT actor, my lust just died. Cheating does that to a person. LOL Great letter…creative, and I’m still just a tad jealous that he has your address. ha!



I’m choosing to keep my head in the sand. I mean, I WAS friends with Johnny first anyway.



I love & adore both of those films. If Johnny is actually coming by your place today, I’ll be there for dinner.



He’s here through the weekend. We’re taking in a swamp tour in Southern Louisiana on Saturday. Wanna come with?



karen says:

That’s hilarious, even more so as I actually remembered a dream I had night after last (happens about twice a year) and yes, it did feature the delightful Mr Depp. And I have to tell you, as he squired me through the grocery store checkout, again and again and again, we were awash in our own hilarity. IDK, it was a pretty awesome dream.

I love your letter. Have a great time. Tandoori is the best.



karen says:

ps. I just went and watched the clip and, ya. What a great reminder of such an awesome presence. In light of it, my dream is making even more sense.



I think your dream deserves to be fleshed out in writing.



Gina says:

Nothing like Johnny “on” . Loved both of those early movies. Miss him that way. Glad you’ve been able to keep in touch with him! Maybe more in the future?



He is SO glad you asked, Gina. He said he’d love to guest post more on the blog. I’ll try to pin him down to a date soon. Once you get him talking, he never shuts up.



I hope it’s not a mid life crisis.

It’s just, please: anything but a pathetic mid life crisis.

So typical then, you know?



Paparazzi Shmaparazzi.



I love love love love love love love love LOVE Benny and Joon.



Then let’s watch it together soon!



Ok, I’ll admit it. I loved Jump Street. But I actually had a mondo crush on Penhall. I know. And hey, let us know if Mr. Depp wants to join in on the challenge, would you? Thanks for linking up. We hope to see you back Friday for the new prompt.



Okay, I asked him about joining the challenge and he said he’d LOVE to participate. Expect to hear from him for one of the prompts in the next few weeks. He’ll probably just link up through my blog since he doesn’t maintain one of his own.

He thanks you for inviting him.



kgwaite says:

very creative use of the prompt – And I’d forgotten all about Benny and Joon – Going to have to check that one out again



You won’t be sorry.



Carey says:

I have, and still enjoy, the Benny and Joon soundtrack. Fun letter. Fun to read.



If he is coming, I will be over in 5. I heart him!!!



Meredith says:

Who didn’t try to make a grilled cheese with an iron in 1993 (and totally ruin their mother’s iron and piss her off in the process)? Hope he gets over his fear of you correcting his grammar soon so we can all enjoy more of his letters and visits ;)



This was so cute! I love how he knows you so well. Here even knows you are a grammar nerd. Ha!

(Thanks for linking this up with us over at #findingthefunny last week!)



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