If At First You Don’t Succeed … (for Trifecta)

Trifecta — “Give us a 33-word opening line to your book.  That’s it.  Make us want to read the next 333 pages of your work. “

Seems easy enough. Right? (Insert canned laughter here. Befitting of the pop culture reference below.)

* * * * * * * * * *

If at first you don’t succeed …

* * * * * * * * * *

He woke to the smell of a hot breakfast. Opening his eyes, he saw the walls of his childhood bedroom. The Gong Show desk calendar said 1977. He was 8. “Not again,” thought Henry Beckett, 43.

* * * * * * * * * *

One of the many reasons I used The Gong Show as my 1977 reference …

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23 responses to “If At First You Don’t Succeed … (for Trifecta)

  1. I like your opening a lot. The last line has my mind racing. Lots of questions. Nice work, M!

    P.S. 1977 is a FANTASTIC year. :)

  2. This sounds like the beginning of a roller coaster of a good time.

  3. not again? if that line doesn’t hook the reader, the fact that a 43 year old man is now 8 should! nice opener!

  4. For some reason, this made me think of and interesting mix of Groundhog Day and Thirteen Going on Thirty. I definitely want to read more :)

    • “an” interesting mix….not “and”. Ugh!

    • Thanks, Janna. I LOVED Groundhog Day. And also liked similar others like 13 Going on 30, Big and even stuff like Freaky Friday. So, in addition to the internal changes experienced by these characters, I wanted also to bring my character back to his own childhood reality. Wouldn’t that be awesome? I mean … potentially awesome. :)

  5. So much to love about this – First of all the Gong Show reference. The beckoning of the childhood walls. The transformation back to age 8. But best of all, the fact that this is a recurring event in his life. Definitely a grabber.

  6. Yeah, I’d keep reading.

  7. I immediately thought of Ground Hog Day but really it’s time travel which totally interests me very single time!

  8. “Not again”? GREAT hook right there.

  9. Awesome – do your life over again. I wonder if he repeats the same mistakes? And if he does, will he again wake up in 1977?

  10. Really interesting, Michele! My attention was grabbed immediately! I wondered if this happens to him every time he sleeps, if he wakes up in the same place and time each morning, how did he get to be forty-three if this keeps happening, so many questions. I would keep reading to learn the answers. Bravo!

  11. Yes reminds me of Ground Hog Day. I too also enjoy stories like this and this means it has happened over and over…why? Yes I would read more. Great job!

  12. trifectawriting

    You’ve written me out of existence.

    Great job with the prompt. It’s a familiar scenario, but you’ve written it very well. As you tend to do. Thanks for linking up this weekend. Hope to see you back again soon.

  13. VERY creative! Want more.

    New follower and fan here. New to Trifecta as well. Just posted my piece.

    I’ll be back, for sure!

    Christine
    @thatgalkiki

  14. It was already fun, and then? “Not again.” AGAIN? Awesome.

  15. Pingback: If At First You Don’t Succeed – Part II (for Trifecta) « OldDogNewTits

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