The ODNT Job Search – Somebody’s Gotta Do it

With my kids getting older, I find myself joining the ranks of other SAHMs who are jumping back into the workforce. Or rather wading in slowly to test the waters. That’s definitely more me. I’ve never been one to cannonball into a swimming pool. It’s just too damned cold. Plus, I don’t want to get my hair wet.

So I write.

I’ve actually been writing independently since before I became a mom but it’s taken a backseat to my kids. (And by “back seat,” I mean I was towing it in a ramshackle trailer behind the car.) I’ve written for newspapers, magazines and websites but, not surprisingly, I’m happiest when writing for myself. So I’m starting to look around a bit to see what’s out there. Personal fulfillment. Money. An answer to the question “So, what do YOU do?” from the condescending girl I keep running into at the grocery store. They’re all good reasons for me to get back on the horse. Right?

But I’m not alone.

My friend, Vanessa, and I are both keeping our eyes open. And Craig’s List is definitely one of our favorite resources. Not so much because we expect it to lead to genuine employment but because there’s so much free entertainment available to you on a regular basis. So much so that (do you know what’s coming?) I’ve decided to make a series out of it.

“The ODNT Job Search – Somebody’s Gotta Do It.”

Xtreme Cleaners

I’m kicking myself for not screen capturing this ad when I saw it recently. I still have the link for it but, according to Craig’s List, the “posting has been deleted by its author.” I have no idea why. But the whole thing is so crazy and confidential that maybe they just can’t leave it up there. Because Xtreme Cleaners deals with crime scene clean-up. (Click the link above for more information.) The posting I saw was seeking trainees for their very delicate and specialized work. And, naturally, I replied to the ad, which spawned the following correspondence.

Dear Xtreme Cleaners

I’m just writing to see if this position (or positions) is still available. Any further information you have would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Michele

* * * * *

Dear Michele,

The crime scene clean up tech position is still available. Please send me a resume, and a letter of interest on why you want to do this and what skills you bring to the position. You will be required to attend mandatory training Aug 25-26 (Sat 9-5) (Sun 12-5), in Gonzales LA.

Xtreme Cleaners

* * * * *

Dear Xtreme Cleaners,

Awesome! Just curious. It is only one position? Because I have a friend who wants to come with me.

Thank you,

Michele

* * * * *

Dear Michele,

No. We need 5-6 people in the NOLA area to be trained and ready to go. So if you have others, please have them reach out to me.

Xtreme Cleaners

I copied Vanessa on all of the emails and … believe it or not … because of the human interest aspect of it as well as the necessarily decent pay scale, we started doing a little research.

* * * * * * * * * *

Phase One of our temporary descent into madness: Fantasy

“We could be just like Amy Adams and Emily Blunt in Sunshine Cleaning!” said Vanessa.

“Just think of the stories we could tell!” said me.

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Plus we couldn’t think of anything in our closets that we’d be okay with soiling with blood and other assorted body goo … so there’d be shopping involved!

Phase Two of our temporary descent into madness: Reality

Vanessa immediately turned to YouTube and found the following video (among many, MANY others). Warning: We both found it interesting and gross. Just remember that this footage is completely real. Don’t watch it if you’re not ready for it.

Needless to say, I did NOT respond to the last email I received from Xtreme Cleaners. In truth, if the training hadn’t taken place an hour away over the course of an entire (already busy) weekend, I might have considered attending (only) that. It would make for pretty awesome blogfodder. Plus you never know when it might come in handy to be well trained in covering your tracks.

HAVE A JOB FOR ME?

Email me at olddognewtits@gmail.com … before I’m forced to start sponging people’s brains off their bookshelves.

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Finding the Funny

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10 responses to “The ODNT Job Search – Somebody’s Gotta Do it

  1. Oh. My. God. Girlfriend that is funny and creepy at the same time. Great post!

  2. lol … I might be able to do it … especially if I was desperate enough and the pay was good … but it wouldn’t be easy :)

  3. So gross, but somehow intriguing at the same time! I am sure I could not do it without getting woozy, thought!

  4. “Bodies have a tendency to explode when it gets caught under a movie train…so there’s a lot of cast off.” OH MY GOD! No. No. No. I’m going to go puke now and then start looking for happy jobs full of sunshine and rainbows for both of you.

  5. OK, when I joined the blog hop they didn’t warn me that I was taking the fast lane to Crazytown. Good thing they didn’t, I might not have come along for the ride. Can’t wait to come back and see what job you don’t apply for next!

  6. sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms

    You would totally rock that white jumpsuit. Ellen

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