OldDogNewTits











{December 7, 2012}   The Baby Food Diet – Day One

For a quick explanation of my shenanigans, click here.

Today’s Weight – 122.4

I am somewhere between 5’3″ and 5’4.” I am not a crazy person. Well, mostly not a crazy person. I would love to be 115 pounds for Christmas. Do I expect to reach that goal during this five-day experiment? Probably not. I’m weak and it’s only five days. Still, I figured any weight I could shave off BEFORE the onslaught of holiday gluttony is a good thing, right? Of course right.

First things first, Vanessa (my dieting partner in crime and Ethel to my Lucy) and I needed to make a grocery run. I haven’t had baby food in the house in years. And, if there’s one thing I can attest to so far with this diet, it’s that it will make you laugh. Your ass off. Ever since we hatched this scheme over lunch yesterday, we’ve laughed so hard in the planning and research process that we can barely breathe. Like when we found this comment among the long list on DietsInReview.com

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Says Vanessa: “Michele! Oh, my God! We are starving the babies!”

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Fine. Maybe she had a point. But Earth’s Best Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal looked like one of the best ones. You snooze, you lose, babies.

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We both drew the line at this gelatinous silly putty. I don’t even remember my kids liking it back in the day. Although I do recall our old cat, Toby, giving it a big thumbs up. Honestly, Vanessa and I were floored at how much we had to buy to cover our daily intake. Here’s what I brought home so far for (what I think will cover) three of the five days.

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Still don’t think I’m for real? Here’s how the initial taste test went down.

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For the record, Milo is totally into it. He digs the sound of the jar opening and the smell. Coincidence?

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I’m logging everything into the ‘My Fitness Pal’ app on my phone. Here’s how the day went:

  • 9:22am – Gerber Bananas (6 oz., 140 calories)
  • 10:00am – Circuit Training (25 minutes)
  • 11:53am – Earth’s Best Organic Spaghetti and Cheese (6 oz., 90 calories)
  • 12:00pm – Earth’s Best Organic Corn & Butternut Squash (4 oz., 70 calories)
  • 12:15pm – Gerber Maple Waffle Wheels (3 pieces, 25 calories)
  • 1:45pm – Gerber Vanilla Custard Pudding Bananas (3.5 oz., 110 calories)
  • 2:30pm – Gerber Banana Cream Waffle Wheels (3 pieces, 25 calories)
  • 3:20pm – Gerber Apples & Bananas with Mixed Cereal (6 oz., 110 calories)
  • 4:00pm – Diet Coke (With the kids at the local frogurt shop. To stave off a headache. And possibly a murder.)
  • 5:00pm – Gerber Maple Waffle Wheels (3 pieces, 25 calories)
  • 6:15pm – Gerber Spaghetti in Tomato Sauce with Beef (6 oz., 180 calories)
  • 6:17pm – Beech Nut Butternut Squash (4 oz., 45 calories)
  • 6:19pm – Beech Nut Apples & Bananas (4 oz., 50 calories)
  • 7:17pm – Gerber Banana Cream Waffle Wheels (3 pieces, 25 calories)
  • 10:09pm – Gerber Banana Cream Waffle Wheels (3 pieces, 25 calories)
  • 10:12pm – Earth’s Best Plum, Banana & Brown Rice (4 oz., 80 calories)

Total calories for the day – 1000 (Tomorrow I’ll aim for more. Today was totally whack.)

Things We’ve Learned and/or Questioned Along the Way

  • Heating all “meats” and vegetables goes a long way toward improving the taste.
  • The same goes for herbs and spices. (But no sugar or salt!)
  • Diet Coke is okay. After all, I’ve seen parents put soda in baby bottles. (Well, no. I didn’t say good parents.)
  • We take chewing and teeth for granted. (Gerber Graduate Waffle Wheels can get you through this need.)
  • If babies follow this diet so strictly, why are they so soft and chubby? Is it a working out issue?
  • Salt is a delicious food that we should create a holiday to celebrate.

Oh, and I have a question. I made ALL of my baby food for Dean, my first child, and (cough) one batch for Viv, my second. That said, the banana baby food I made for Dean was simply one mushed-up banana in a bowl. Using that logic, is there any reason I can’t eat a banana on this diet? Please lock in your vote … now. I’m hungry.

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About these ads


K.W. Cooper says:

These have been very popular with my kids (don’t judge, they’re easy “throw in the car” snacks for the lazy mom): http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_11?url=search-alias%3Dbaby-products&field-keywords=plum+organics&sprefix=plumb+organ%2Caps%2C215. Luckily only the eldest can read and she makes sure to hide them from friends, the younger set thinks they are awesome “Squeezy things,” have no clue they’re baby food, and happily slurp them down. Might expand your palate beyond Gerber. Happy dieting! (The pumpkin & banana is their favorite).



Pumpkin and banana?!!? Holy crap. Where the heck was THAT one today? I need to make another grocery run. Thanks for the tip!



Do they make beer baby food. Or maybe a nice Merlot one?



GerBEER? Let’s get right on that. Million dollar idea!



Gerbeer, excellent.



El Guapo says:

JARS. Home mushed bananas do not come in jars.
Besides, your cutting into Gerbers profits.



Susan says:

A mushed banana should be no big deal! It’s 100% “banana”, right? They have lots of nutrients in them like…..potassium!!! See!! After gouging on the raw peanut butter cookie dough my husband and daughter are currently making I am off to the store! I have a question however? What’s the deal with no salt? Not even a pinch? Again, you are right! Kids, and babies are wusses nowadays!!



We all know salt is not good for us. Sugar either. I think that’s just one of the many points of this diet/cleanse. And who am I to break the rules?

WHO AM I, SUSAN?!!?

I’m sorry. That was the hunger yelling at you. Not me.



Susan says:

No offense taken! You are dieting! However, if I may I GAGGED down the Earth’s “Best” Chicken and Rice for dinner! I took your advice, being the Baby Food Diet, expert and picked up some Mrs. Dash to add some zing to my meal! If people don’t know what it is, it is supposed to be a salt “substitute” for those 70 year old cardiac patients. Heart healthy and all that shit! Bottom line is it sucks!!!! So my outburst today is:

WHAT HARM CAN A FEW GRANULES OF SALT DO?? Imagine all that you swallow taking a dip in the ocean?

Sorry for yelling Michelle! :( I have to make a grocery run, sans child, to stock up! Did not want to buy a cart full of baby food in front of her in the fear she would want to eat it!



Yell all you want. You are dieting. Plus babies yell, Susan. BABIES YELL!!!! Then you can spit up all over yourself and be put directly to bed, drenched in your own sweat.

And I’d try to hold off on the salt. My two cents.

I know. You want to punch me. Punch away. Unconsciousness would be my best friend right now.



If you mash mash mash the ‘nanas, it counts.
Same for sweet potatoes. bake until soft.
Basically for me, anything mashed almost to liquification counts. Basically this is why you adore me.



Ok, I may try this. I can even turn my spoon into an “airplane.”



Come on! I’m going to have some good weight loss news for you later tonight. #teaser

Please keep me posted.



gene3067 says:

Of course you can eat banana. Mushed or whole it’s still nutritious.



Mel says:

My favorite quote: “You snooze, you lose, babies.”



Okay, I have to admit I love baby food and I made it for Hayley. That is till I cut my finger and got 26 stitches. My days of cooking baby food were long over!



I made it for my son, too. What were you cooking for the infamous “slicing and dicing?”



J Beba says:

Among the various advantages of this diet system is the opportunity to acquire a good source of vitamins and other nutrients required by the body. As the diet is made for babies with healthy ingredients; it is free from preservatives like salt and sugar which are harmful to the body. There is no need to worry about failure to obtain the daily nutrients you require because they are available in plenty in baby food puree or cereal.



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