OldDogNewTits











{January 3, 2013}   The ODNT Job Search – Think TRAINING Cats is as Hard as HERDING Them?

The beginning of the year is always a good time to look for a part-time job to earn a little extra cheese. And, time and again, Craigslist.com has proven to be a very reliable resource, offering an endless stream of colorful opportunities for enterprising, young go-getters … or, you know, me. Recently, I came across three such opportunities for employment. Here they are, in no particular order, for your perusal. (And don’t any of you go getting any ideas to snake my job ops. Uncool.)

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Are you guys thinking what I’m thinking?

Why take ONE job when I can triple-dip and take ALL of them?!!? I can make three times the money … or Frito-Lay products, cat food or whatever currency in which they’re paying me.

So here’s the plan. I need to go live on the cat farm and coach the little suckers (Relax, I said suckers … with an “S’) in the ancient arts of mime and clairvoyance. If I can get a few of the cats to simulate a tug-of-war match or walking against the wind while a few others read tea leaves, I should be able to make enough money to carry my family until summer. Of course, if I could get just one to utter “I see dead people” from inside an invisible box in which he’s trapped, I should be able to put both of my kids through college. And possibly some of yours.

You know what? I need to go. I see a cash cow in the making. I need to get a jump on this thing before someone else beats me to the punch on this whole cat version of Marcel-Marceau-meets-Uri-Geller. (starting to panic) Where the hell is Milo?!!? He can be my first pupil. Milo, MIIIIIIILLLLLOOOO! Here kitty, kitty,  kitty….

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Seriously, he is SO jazzed about his 15 minutes. (It’s actually about two hours in cat years.) Here he is … already mastering the skill of MIMING LEVITATION. I am gonna be soooo freakin’ rich, you guys.

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Mel says:

I’m so good at Miming! No I’m not. I can’t shut up for more than 5 minutes. Okay. But cats LOVE me…only because they know I don’t trust them. Just kidding, Milo. Don’t eat me. How about I see dead people? Nah. Not recently. I’m out of luck on these jobs. I think I’d have better luck with your space alien job you posted a while back.



See me miming how excited I am about your multi-job future? You go, guuurl. Meow.



gene3067 says:

If you scritch Milo onn his back near the tail, he’ll do a great trance move for ya.



I call that miming the otter. My cat really looks like an otter when she does it because she is a dark tiger. Otherwise we call it dead kitty.

I would love to live on 27 acres with cats. They cannot be any harder to manage than the adolescents I teach every day.



El Guapo says:

I think you should teach Milo to mime being a dog who sees dead people.
And bites them.
What an opportunity!



Just a photo standing around could be your mime routine. Better yet a photo of you annoying the f out of a total stranger* would get you the gig in a minute.

*keep in mind that if you are wearing the Ketchup costume, there’s no way you are being annoying. I mean really, people probably FLOCK to you.



You are ambitious, lady. Ambitious and a little crazy. And that’s why you’re awesome.



Here’s hoping it pays my way to our next conference together. Yours, too! :)



Oh my god. We need to film a horror movie RIGHT NOW where you move to the cat farm and teach the cats mime to fool the producers of a small time paranormal show into paying you money, while the old lady owner of the cat farm keeps making cryptic remarks that are secretly foreshadowing but you don’t know that yet. Then it turns out that the cats were only learning mime in an effort to communicate to you that the cat farm is really secretly haunted and your life may be in danger. And that leads to you and the camera crew getting trapped on the cat farm while the evil ghosts try to murder you all. Possibly with cats.

I think if we play our cards right, this will be the blockbuster of the year.

Either that, or I am completely crazy pants.



Marry Me, Holly.

I like the way you think. I see a joint venture in our future. :)



What a great idea. My cat is too lazy to mime but one day he scared us all witless when he stopped in mid saunter and stared for ages at a blank wall. We thought that he was watching something we couldn’t see and my guess is that it was the ghost of a cat (or mouse)



I vote mouse. Or possibly gecko. Ooooh. Ghost gecko.



You are hysterical! I think mining is in your future. Heck, you might even make the Superbowl Dorrito commercial!



I would LOVE to make that commercial. I could eat the hell out of some Doritos. You know … for the cause.

Thanks, Melissa. :)



[…] the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me three jobs in one, two darling children and a website called […]



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