OldDogNewTits











{January 9, 2014}   How Drew Brees is going to earn me some serious cash money!

Let’s get right to the point. I recently mentioned one of my big goals for 2014 is income. And just look what fell into my lap today! A GOLDEN opportunity. Thank you, Craigslist. And thank you, Drew Brees, because you and your likeness are going to score me $500 this month. Check it out.

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* * * * * * * * * *

The Details

* * * * * * * * * *

HEIGHT

Drew = 6′ AND Me = 5′ 4″. Not a problem with the right footwear.

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These can pass for cleats, right? They only need to look the part. (I’m not actually playing any football. Duh.)

WEIGHT

Drew = 209 lbs. AND Me = Up-yours-it’s-right-after-holiday-season. Let’s just say he’s got about 8o to 90 lbs. on me. So I’ll either wear padding or start eating. (The latter seems much more likely.)

ATTIRE

My son already has a #9 jersey but do I have to wear those stupid football pants? Never mind. You know what? I’m fully committed. But if I have to wear ass-huggers, I’m going with the black.

HAIR

We both have brown hair, which is good, but mine still has traces of red Kool-Aid in it. Plus our styles are nothing alike. But I have an idea, inspired by Drew’s fashion sense.

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Problem solved.

BIRTHMARK

You guys don’t think I’d overlook this important detail, do you? It’s his calling card, for Pete’s sake. And I’ve totally got it covered. (Thanks, Mel, for the idea.)

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* * * * * * * * * *

Take a look at this picture of Drew and me at Book of Mormon last fall.

* * * * * * * * * *

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Look at us! We’re like TWINS! (And no. That’s not Brittany Brees. It’s my pretty friend, Vanessa. I should’ve cropped her out of this post. She’s distracting you.) But seriously, I think I’ve got this job locked down. What do y’all think?

Oh, but I do still have one problem.

I don’t know jack about football.

(thinking …

thinking …

snacking …

thinking)

Think they’d let me give a speech on musical theater???

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Who are those two pretty ladies standing at your sides when you went to the book or Mormo…
oh wait…
WOW!



It’s uncanny, isn’t it? :-)



TammieB says:

I say with a jersey, some pads and the helmet you’ve got it! For $500 it’s worth a shot!



How hard could it be really? :-)



Wy says:

Looking ahead, will there perchance be a reprise of “Football for Women” this Super Bowl ? Good time for a refresher… Maybe Drew would drop in, but he’ll prob be busy.



I’ll have to consult my partner in crime for that question. :)



I can’t get over the fact that they sell birth marks…unreal. lol PS: Love your stuff, just stumbled across it and it’s great.



Thank you so much! And welcome! :)



Do it! Football player? The ad libbing is easy. Just keep repeating “I’m giving 100% for the team.” “Brining my A game!” You’ll be fine. Five hundred bucks!



Sarah Day says:

If the announcers can B.S. for a full 3-1/2 hours I’m sure you can cover 15-20 minutes.



OMG, this is epic! I’m here by way of Bloggy Moms…and your title caught my eye because, well, my husband is a former NFL football player. (He’s also a Purdue grad like Drew, too, by my hubs is much older…) Anyhoo, nice post!



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