Category Archives: Uncategorized

Ever Ingested 100 Things in One Day? I have.


Summer is almost here. I can see it, smell it, feel it. Remember I live just 2,000 miles from the equator. The humidity here is visible to the naked eye. So I’ve started thinking about shorts, summer dresses and (shudder) bathing suits. I really need to get in shape. And I need start taking better care of myself.

(rolling eyes at self … which is harder to do than you would think)

I say that every year. And every year I do it. Kinda. Because I diet. I cut calories. I cut fat. But inevitably, I wind up binging on too many 100-calorie packs of junk food and other novelty fat-free snacks. And missing out on nutritious things like fruit and vegetables because I don’t want to “waste” my limited calories. Which means I’m shortchanging myself from valuable vitamins and nutrients in search of lower numbers on the scales (hanging head) I know better. Shame on me. How can you even LOOK at me right now?!!?

Enter Vivia Formula’s VF-360 defense system*

The quirky little video below explains it all rather well. But I should add that, although the man’s name in the video is Dave and he has an orange cat, this initially-vitamin-deficient dude has nothing to do with my husband. Or my orange cat, Milo.

Um … is it just me or did Dave get lucky at the end of this video?

I was totally jazzed when Vivia selected me to review their product. It’s just what I need to jumpstart my health movement and know I’m covered nutritionally. Like it said in the video (the video that I know you watched and didn’t just skip, right?), the complete system comes in three bottles:

  1. The morning supplement gets you moving with countless traditional vitamins and minerals including vitamin C, D3, E, B2, B6 and B12 as well as calcium, magnesium, zinc, potassium, etc.
  2. The noon supplement keeps you going with a wealth of earthy nutrients including acai berry, goji berry, blueberry leaf, lemongrass root, ginger root, shitake mushroom powder, etc.
  3. The night supplement helps you wind down with valuable and often neglected superfoods such as spirulina algae powder, green tea leaf extract, dandelion root, pomegranate fruit extract, etc.

All in all, I counted nearly 100 different vitamins and minerals in the four-day course.

Seriously?!!?

Do YOU have time to seek out a centuplicate of DIFFERENT nutrients every day?

Well, of course you don’t. Because you’re a normal person, right? So just do what I did. Get everything you need every day in three bottles. I’ve taken Vivia VF-360 dietary supplements religiously for two weeks now. I’m a regular vitamin taker anyway so trying this system was an easy decision for me. And I love them because they take all the label comparison and guesswork out of the equation.

Here are just a few of the things Vivia has kept me from having to worry about for the past 14 days:

  • how much of each vitamin I’m getting versus the RDA (recommended daily allowance)
  • what time of day is optimum for each nutrient
  • what nutrients should be taken together for maximum absorption
  • skipping breakfast

Confession: I skip breakfast. A little. Well … a LOT. Fine … almost every day. (Geez, stop needling me!) But … by signing on with Vivia, it has “regimented” me into having a small, healthful breakfast every single day now for 14 days. Sure, that’s an indirect benefit but, for me personally, it’s huge!

But enough about me. The only person who enjoys reading about that is my mom. (Hey,  Mom. Did you catch Grey’s Anatomy last night?) Interested in trying the system for yourself.  I’ll give you TWO ways:

1. Purchase at a discount. Visit viviaformula.com and enter 360B2G1F at checkout for FREE merchandise … as in BUY TWO PACKS and GET THE THIRD FREE.

OR

2. Enter to win HERE until Thursday, April 30, 2015. There are lots of ways to score entries, some daily. And tell your friends! (Unless you don’t want them to win. Which is pretty unsportsmanlike if you ask me).


 Good luck, everyone!

* Made in the USA in an FDA-approved cGMP facility

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Thanks, Blake Lively, for teaching me a valuable lesson


Guess where I went yesterday? Have you seen this trailer?

Last night, I took a break from my normal life to attend a special preview of The Age of Adaline with my 12-year-old daughter, Vivien. She’s been wanting to see it since the trailers first came out. And, of course, it’s rated PG-13. For that reason, I was a little concerned about taking her to a movie I knew so little about. But I talked to Dave and showed him the trailer. And we finally decided just to let go and assume good things would follow. Actually, that’s sort of the whole message in the movie. Eventually.

Don’t worry. I’m not going to give anything away.

Blake Lively, who I’ve heard of but never seen in anything before (because I am SO not the Gossip Girl-type) did a nice job of portraying a pretty old broad “trapped” in a young person’s body. Of course, when I first saw the premise, I thought “Oh, yeah. That would really suck. No wrinkles, no grays, no saggy boobs. Talk to me when you have real problems, Adaline … or whatever alias you’re sporting at the moment.”

Nonetheless, I liked the movie. Quite a lot actually. Sure, it made a few convenient choices. And there was a coincidence or two that was truly mind blowing. But, despite its silly shortcomings, the movie does, in fact, make you stop and think. And, if I’m being completely honest, cry … just a little bit. Because I’m a mom. And probably also because I’m a little hormonal at the moment. (“At the moment” meaning daily.) Because as a daughter and a sister and a wife and a mother and a friend, all I kept thinking about was ….

How could you ever allow yourself to love anyone if you knew you would always have to watch them die before you?

Never mind her fear of probing scientists or her woes about living like a refugee and needing to reinvent herself every decade. I think the choice to witness the loss of every single person I ever loved OR be alone for eternity would literally do me in. No, thanks, fountain of youth. I’ll gladly welcome the aging process. (pause for reflection) It’s an interesting movie. Definitely worth the price of the ticket. Plus, according to Vivien, you just can’t get popcorn like that anywhere else in the world.

I so love that kid.


The Age of Adaline

It’s like Benjamin Button with a side of Dorian Gray and just a hint of Groundhog Day … all thrown into a blender and poured into a tall, blonde glass.


“Let us never know what old age is. Let us know the happiness time brings, not count the years.” – Ausonius

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Mamakat’s writing prompt – Write a post inspired by the word break.

 

Have you ever feared you were really someone else? No? Just me?


Something super weird happened to me this morning. The kids and I had to be somewhere shortly after lunch so we were getting dressed when off in the distance the house phone rang. (YES, I still have a house phone. U-Verse swears to me that my bill will actually go up if I turn it off. And NO, that doesn’t make sense to me either.)

Anyway, like all suspicious American families, we never answer the phone until we know who it is. I’ve been swindled into far too many surveys and donations that way. (Bah!) These days, it’s all about Caller ID. And my son was actually the first one to reach the screen and read it. I called out to him as I was running over, “Well?? Who is it?”

He just stared at the screen, looking very confused. “It’s … you.” (cue swell of creepy music)

“What? What do you MEAN it’s … wait, WHAT?!!?” I actually interrupted myself as my eyes focused on the phone’s screen. He was right. It listed my name and the very same phone number as the number it was calling. (bloodcurdling scream)

THE CALL WAS COMING FROM INSIDE THE PHONE!!

I can’t explain why this odd phenomenon actually frightened me, but it totally did. I literally backed away from the phone. How could I be calling myself AT the same number I was calling FROM? The whole thing was way too Being John Malkovich for my comfort level. So I fled the room in oddly-inappropriate terror.

Then I started thinking.

What if the person on the other end of the phone was the real Michele Robert Poche? What if I’m the imposter? I’ve been using her credit cards, wearing her clothes and even posing as her children’s mother. She is going to be pissed! Who the hell am I, anyway? And why did I steal this woman’s life?!!? Oh, my God, you guys! EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE!!!

Then I Googled it and realized it was just the latest telemarketing scam. (cough) Crisis averted. (slinks out of room)

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Per MamaKat’s writing prompt: Write a blog post inspired by the word born.

In the words of David Hannum, “there’s a sucker born every minute.” You’re welcome to ALL of the other people born within my particular minute. Glad I could take one for the team.

Ten Ways Pets are Better … I mean EASIER than Kids


We lost a beloved family pet recently. (R.I.P. Herve) And the idea of replacing him has come up a few times in the last week. At first, I was opposed to it, but then I started wondering “Are pets really any harder to care for than my own children?!!?” Which prompted me to make a list.

(You know how I love my lists.)


Ten Ways Pets are Better Easier than Kids

1. Pets will eat whatever you put in front of them.

Unfortunately, sometimes that might be medical paperwork, the remote control or your favorite shoes. So I guess that might not always be a good thing.

2. Pets are easily potty trained.

Of course, once your kids have it until control, you don’t have to follow them through the neighborhood with a plastic bag to carry their crap around with you for the next half hour.

3. Pets don’t ask you for money.

I honestly still can’t figure out how the cat manages to purchase Christmas presents for every member of the family year after year. He must work nights.

4. Pets never need help with homework.

I’m guessing it’s because they’re geniuses. Seriously, I have never been asked for help with vocabulary words, a book report, a messy science project or anything. That my pet is a genius can be the only explanation.

5. Pets have no carpools, no social events and no pricey after school activities.

Come to think of it, my cat never asks me to bring him anywhere … ever.

6. Pets never outgrow their clothes.

My cat’s been wearing the same collar for YEARS. He doesn’t bitch about its color or the fact that it’s not (cut to me rolling my eyes and making exaggerated air quotes) name brand. He just wears it day after day. With zero complaint.

7. Pets never beg to put candy, cookies and other diabetic-coma-inducing crap into the basket at the grocery store.

In my kids’ defense, this is probably mostly because I almost never bring the cat with me to the supermarket.

8. Pets require no bedtime ritual.

My cat puts himself to sleep, like, twenty times a day. He LOVES to sleep. There’s no whining, no crying, no pleading for “just one more story.” (Actually, that’s not true. My cat loves a good story.)

9. Pets don’t leave their crap all over the house.

And by crap, I mean stuff. Although, seriously, what does he really own? 

10. Pets don’t talk back.

And if they ever did, I’d have to call the vet. Or an exorcist. Which is probably VERY expensive. And people would start making pilgrimages to my house to see the possessed animal. Then there would be reporters, Hollywood producers, talk show hosts, talent agents, shamans, pet food corporations and all kinds of other talking cat lover types beating down my door. I would never get any privacy.


Okay. So after re-examining my list, I guess it’s not really a fair comparison. Still, I’d say the little furry/feathery/scaly guys are probably a lot easier than their human counterparts.

If only I could just get Milo to start cleaning the bathrooms …

Look at the muscle in those furry orange arms. Don’t tell me he couldn’t hold a toilet brush.

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St. Patrick’s Day: Ten Green Things I Love


Yesterday, we took a look at a few green things that are not my favoriteI don’t especially care for … Fine! You know what? I said HATE. We talked about seven green things that I HATE!

So, in an effort to balance the bad with the good, the yin with the yang, the Ginger with the Mary Ann, I thought we’d make an opposite list today. To help you “Erin” your “Go Bragh” tomorrow. Happy St. Paddy’s Day!


Ten Green Things I Love

(and NONE of them are vegetables … technically)

 1. Pesto.

Because it’s fabulous on flatbread, crackers, pasta … I bet that shit would taste good on a doughnut. (Who am I kidding? What wouldn’t taste good on a doughnut?)

2. Emeralds.

Because it’s my girl’s birthstone and, next to diamonds, might just be my favorite gemstone. Seriously, it’s so regal they made a whole city out of it. Fictionally speaking, of course. Unless you count Seattle.

3. Avocado.

Because even though its name derives from a word meaning “testicle,” it still manages to be one of my all-time favorite foods. (And, yes. That would make guacamole a bowl of mashed testicles. Discuss.)

4. Greenland.

Because you guys remember when I wrote Greenland, right? That was such a fun letter series. And, one of these days, they’re going to call me and ask me to travel across their countryside drinking in the sights and sounds of all things Greenland. And then write about my whole experience. … Seriously, it’s going to happen. …. You’ll see.

5. Elphaba.

Because it’s an incredible show. I first heard Defying Gravity performed on the Tonys in 2004. And now, more than a decade later, I’m still on my feet …. clapping and crying like an idiot. (That actually seems to happen a lot in my life.)

6. Green smoothies.

Because … Kale? Nope. Spinach? Uh-uh. Can’t be that either. You know what? I have no earthly idea why I like them, but those suckers are really good.

7. Olives.

Because stuffed with cheese, sliced on a pizza, minced in a tapenade or whole in a martini … is there anything better in the world? (For the purposes of #7, no. There is not. Next!)

8. Christmas trees.

Because of their meaning, their twinkle and especially their smell. It’s probably why mine is usually up from November to mid-January. Either that or laziness.

9. Money.

Because it’s always in season, it’s always appropriate and it always fits.

10. Kermit.

Because he reminds me of being a little bitty kid. Plus Rainbow Connection was one of my childhood theme songs. I actually had a few … which I’m guessing sounds as weird to me as it probably does to you.


What about YOU?

Shrek, Key lime pie, The Incredible Hulk … what GREEN stuff do YOU love?

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St. Patrick’s Day: Seven Green Things I Hate


St. Patrick’s Day is Tuesday … which means my family is heading to the local parade down the street today to catch everything from cabbage and carrots to potatoes and Irish Spring. (Yay! Stuff I can actually use. At least compared to the novelty panties and penis beads of Mardi Gras.) And, since my grandmother’s last name was McCarthy, I thought I’d get my Irish on this morning with a little post about things that I HATE that are green. (I’ll give you one guess as to the title of  tomorrow’s post.) Anyway …


Seven Green Things I Hate

(and they can’t ALL be vegetables)

1. Mold.

Because it either means I need to clean something or it impedes my cheese eating. Plus it reminds me of post-Katrina New Orleans. Boo!

2. Phlegm and/or mucus.

Because … well, I’m guessing I don’t really need to explain this one, do I? Then again, maybe there people out there who love those phlegm and mucus cartoon characters on the TV commercials. So, to those individuals, I express my most heartfelt apologies. Carpe mucus!

3. Green bananas.

Because those rubbery bastards just tease the hell out of me.

4. Seaweed.

Because it smells awful and it always makes me scream like a little girl when it dares to brush against my leg in the ocean. Of course, when it’s on my sushi roll …

5. Alligators.

Because being from Louisiana, there is an excellent chance I could be eaten by one. And yet, every day, I somehow manage to get out of bed and just live my life. Truly, if that’s not bravery, I don’t know what is.

6. Brussels sprouts.

Because they’re gross. But I can still put them in my mouth, chew them and appear to swallow them … all the while alternatively spitting them into a napkin with the dexterity and sleight of hand of David Copperfield.  It’s a gift really.

7. Jealous people.

Because they’re a pain in the ass, am I right? Wait, what? Have *I* ever been jealous? No, of course not, I have everything I could ever want right here next to my 5-year-old car and my two VCRs. (cough)


What about YOU?

Yoda, asparagus, Oscar the Grouch … what GREEN stuff do YOU hate?

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The Scariest Morning I’ve Had In a While (Don’t worry. It ends well.)


For anyone just tuning in around here, I have one husband, two children and two pets. Sometimes I feel like we should get a third pet just for the rhythm and flow of that first sentence. Then I regain my sanity and realize you don’t take on another live responsibility so the description of your life is more poetic. Milo the cat and Herve the hamster are plenty. (shaking head at my own stupidity) Why am I explaining the cast of characters in my home? Because they all figure into the lunacy of my morning today. Prominently.

Milo (left) and Herve (right). BFFLs … I guess.


My day started like all others. Too early. With my eyes first opening around 5am. Followed by the realization that I had to pee. Nothing new. (Damn, peanut-sized bladder.) Then, for the next hour, my brain woke me every five to seven minutes in a cold sweat thinking I’d overslept. On a school morning. A school morning with exams. It just can’t happen.

I’m the rooster in the family. I’m the first one up every day. It’s my job to wake everyone up, one by one. And I always start with Dean, my 15-year-old son. Between homework, after school activities and televised athletic events, that poor kid never gets enough sleep during the week. As such, he’s hard to wake up in the morning so I usually spend a few minutes just hanging out with him chatting in the dark. (I don’t mind it one bit, by the way. It’s some of the best conversation we have all day.) And, while we’re chatting, Milo usually drifts in and out of the room waiting for us to get up and fill his food bowl.

Everything was following the usual pattern this morning until I exited his room to start getting ready. And I noticed Milo fixated on my daughter’s closed bedroom door. She was still asleep. But Milo was staring at the bottom of her door with the focus of an English Pointer voted Best in Show.

I knew something was up. A bug? Maybe even a roach? I didn’t know. But from the backlighting coming from within her room, I could see that something was pressed against the bottom crack of the door. The hallway was still dark and my eyes were still sleepy so I called my teenage son to come inspect the situation. He walked over and crouched down on the floor to get Milo’s perspective. Then he spoke. Nothing could have prepared me for his next words.

“I see a hand, a furry hand, much bigger than Herve’s, reaching in and out.” I stared at him in disbelief and my blood ran cold.

What was on the other side of the door to the room where my daughter lie fast asleep?!!?

For reasons of which I am not proud, I took off not into her room but down the hall to my bedroom where Dave was still asleep. “Get up! Get up! Get uuuuuup!!!! Dean said there’s something in Vivien’s room sticking a hand out under the door. And he said it’s NOT HERVE!!!”

Dave jumped out of bed from a deep sleep, totally discombobulated and ran down the hall …. past Vivien’s room, mind you … and into the living room.  He looked around, totally confused and likely still half asleep, when he got there. “NOOO! In your daughter’s room. It’s in your daughter’s room,” I yelled.

Dave ran back to her room and threw the door open a little harder than he probably should have. Given the fact that it WAS Herve. (pause for collective exhale) He was just on the other side of the door. Alive, I should probably add. Harmless, old man Herve who had a stroke last Christmas Day and now pulls to the left when he walks and falls over into a ball every few steps was the thing that had just scared the living daylights out of everyone.

Dave scooped him up, checked him out and declared him to be fine. I stopped almost swallowing my tongue and started breathing normally again. We hugged Milo and applauded his probably-not-intentional rescue efforts. And we instructed our obviously-more-blind-than-we-thought son to go put his contacts in immediately. Oh, and Vivien? She slept through all of it. The noise, the running, the panic. Good God, I envy that kind of sleep.

Of course, how Herve escaped his cage (I suspect the door wasn’t properly latched) and further how he survived the two-and-a-half foot drop to the hardwood floor unscathed (that would be like me falling four stories) will forever remain a mystery. Needless to say, there’s an extra latch on his little door now … should Houdini ever decide to go for an encore. And the cage? Well, that’s now located safely on the floor.


Seriously? You can’t tell me there’s a huge, furry hand coming out of my child’s room and not expect me to lose control. I think my heart’s finally starting to descend from my throat.

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