The Post Where I Talk About Sending Razor Blades in the U.S. Mail

First, there was my letter to the Bic Corporation.

Then,  they replied.

Then, *I* replied to their reply.

Then, there was a little dull-but-necessary correspondence. (What? It can’t ALL be Shakespeare.)

YOU: “OMG! Stop teasing us! What happened next, Michele?!!?”

Ever the rule follower, I packaged up the evidence and hand delivered it to the nearest postal worker.

Me: (approaching a busy, distracted, painfully-bored-with-me postal employee) “Excuse me. Sir? Is it illegal to mail a razor blade?”

Postal Employee: (suddenly not so busy, eyeing me suspiciously over his poorly-tape-repaired reading glasses as he repeated my question back to me incredulously) “Is it illegal to mail a razor blade???”

Me: “Yes.” (not missing a beat and smiling like an idiot) “Is it?”

Postal Employee: “Well,” (he was clearly stalling for time and scanning the room for the nearest exit) “I guess that would depend on the situation.”

Me: “Oh. Well, it’s all wrapped up very securely. And I’m mailing it to the BIC Corporation. As part of a complaint file.”

Postal Employee: (loosening the grip on the matte knife he was holding) “Alright. Well, I guess that sounds okay.” (turning to resume his work)

Me: “Oh! Wait! Did I mention that the blade I’m sending recently exploded into five sharp fragments? I’ll be sending ALL of them.”

Postal Employee: (turning abruptly to face me and backing out of the room with a nervous smile) “Um, you know what? I think we’re going to have to call my manager.”

I guess it’s not every day some jackass wants to mail an exploded razor blade. But  hey, at least I was honest about it, right? 

Just in case you can’t read my handwriting:

June 15, 2015

ATTN: Daniel (I am still withholding Dan’s last name to protect his privacy. You’re welcome, Dan.), Claim Manager

Enclosed you will find the defective BIC Soleil razor mentioned in my earlier correspondence. Please be aware (and warned!) that the razor blade itself broke apart into 5 individual pieces. (That’s 5 opportunities to cut yourself. Careful, Daniel!) And I’ve also included the plastic handle. So you’ve got 6 parts total – each individually wrapped. Safety first!

Thanks in advance for your help with this matter. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Michele R. Poche

Will the package arrive in one piece to the BIC Corporate Office without being pulled by authorities? Will Dan sustain any injuries from having to unwrap five broken fragments of a razor blade? Is anyone even still reading the BIC Exploding Razor Series?

Only time will tell.

Well, time and my next applicable blog post.

So stay tuned!


For those of you keeping up with the Bic Exploding Razor Series …

First, there was my letter to the Bic Corporation.

Then, there was their reply.

Then, I wrote them back … AGAIN!

And the saga continues …

On June 8, 2015 at 8:17am, I received this email. (To those not in the biz, “email” is short for electronic message.):

Dear Mrs. Poche:

Thank you for your reply. I’ll have the mailing label sent this morning.

Best regards,


Always a stickler for proper corporate correspondence etiquette, I responded the very same day at 3:35pm with the following message:

Thanks, Daniel. I’ll keep an eye out for it.


Then … sure enough … over the weekend I received this letter (traditionally … as in from inside my Home-Depot-quality mailbox) from the Bic Corporation:

Just in case the letter in the photo is illegible, please allow me to transcribe it for you:

June 8, 2015

Mrs. Michele Poche

(Address omitted. What am I … nuts???)

Dear Mrs. Poche,

Thank you for your June 3 and 5, 2015 emails. I’m sorry to hear of your daughter’s recent experience with a BIC Soleil Twilight shaver.

At BIC, quality is uppermost in our minds. When one of our products does not meet the consumer’s expectations, we appreciate being made aware of it.

While inquiries and comments such as yours can be helpful to BIC’s quality and research endeavors, an examination of the subject shaver is necessary to determine the possible cause of this experience. Therefore, I have asked that you return the shaver, which you have agreed to do. I have enclosed a mailing label for your convenience; however, it’s not clear whether your daughter sustained an injury; if so, and should you elect to present a claim, may I recommend that you use a method to return the shaver that will allow for tracking of the package, and the opportunity for you to request a signature for delivery.

In accordance with the BIC Performance Policy, upon my receipt of the shavers, a coupon will be provided to you for the replacement BIC shavers, which may be used to select any BIC shaver model of your choice.

I look forward to hearing from you with this additional information. 

Very truly yours, 



Aside from confusing me with an epic, 60-word sentence (which was actually a question), I think BIC’s intent is sincere and I appreciate their immediate attention to my problem here.

It’s my move again, isn’t it?


Zoiks! Like, let’s check it out on YouTube, Scoob!

I’m a child of the 80s. Fine, I’m a child of the 70s, too. Actually, I guess I’m really just kind of a child. Which is why, when asked by my friends at Zeitghost Media, I jumped at the chance to help Warner Brothers with its latest promotion.

It seems like only yesterday. I remember waking up before the sun, sneaking down the groovy-orange-carpet-covered stairs past my sleeping parents bedroom to pour myself a big bowl of Count Chocula and tune into Saturday morning cartoons. Bugs Bunny, Hong Kong Phooey, Fat Albert & the Cosby Kids and, of course, Scooby Doo. That goofy dog, his ragtag team of hipster detectives and far-out guests including everyone from The Harlem Globetrotters to Sonny & Cher … they always made me laugh. And, let’s be honest, who among us didn’t want to BE Daphne? (Sorry,  Velma. Were you even a girl?)

I’ve got good news, fellow Scooby-philes! Now you can watch all new videos from DCKids & Warner Bros. on their Youtube channels. They’ve got everything from  Batman Unlimited, DC Super Friends and … yes! … Scooby-Doo. And there’ll be lots of new additions in the next year so be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss anything.

Want to take a chance to win one of five mystery toy gift baskets from DCKids & WBKids? (Mystery baskets? Seriously, could that be more Scooby-inspired?) Each prize is worth at least $50.


Good luck to all you meddling kids out there!


The Bic Exploding Razor Series Continues

First, there was my letter to the Bic Corporation.

Then, there was their reply.

And now the saga continues …

Hi, Daniel!

Sure. I’d be happy to discuss anything you need to know about the razor in question. Unfortunately, I am not always available for lengthy conversations as I work part-time out of my house AND my kids are now home for the summer. Their favorite activity this time of year is interrupting my phone calls. Nothing seems to makes them happier.

Per your question, I DO still possess the razor and its many disjointed parts. Because we didn’t take the time to dry everything before stashing it in a Ziploc bag, it’s rusted a bit but all the parts are still there and yours for the taking.

Upon interviewing my daughter this morning to get as much information as I could for you, I learned that she had only used the razor a few times before the “explosion” happened when she dropped it in the shower.

Now … before you justify the drop for the break, I assure you my shower stall is made out of the same standard fiberglass materials on which I’ve dropped what is likely hundreds of razors over the course of my lifetime. (Seriously, nobody drops things more than me. Which is why I play piano and not football!) And none of these many, many butterfingered incidents have ever been met with self-destruction. But maybe you weren’t going to say that. And maybe I’m just being defensive. :)

In any event, please let me know what you want to do next and I’ll be glad to help.

Thanks for your prompt response,
Michele R. Poche
(504) xxx-xx6x

Will Daniel send Michele a self-addressed mailing envelope to return the faulty razor? Will sending the razor provide the answers needed to safeguard future generations from the nicks, cuts and bloodbaths associated with exploding razors? Might Michele decide that shaved legs aren’t worth the risk and decide to sport a more Mediterranean look from here forward? 

Only time will tell. Stay tuned for the next installment of …

The Bic Exploding Razor Series


A Quick Response from the Bic Corporation

The following letter is a reply to my letter to the Bic Corporation. I should point out that Bic responded to me within 24 hours of my original correspondence, but it has taken me a day or so to post their follow-up. Please enjoy the continuing saga of The Exploding Razor.

Dear Mrs. Poche.

Thank you for your e-mail, which has been referred to my attention.

I’m sorry to hear of your daughter’s experience, and wanted to send a quick reply to acknowledge receipt of your e-mail.

After reviewing your e-mail (to include the attached web version) I don’t have enough details to fully understand what occurred. Would you provide a telephone number where I may contact you, so that we can discuss it and I can obtain further details?

I’m certain an examination would go a long way in providing answers to what occurred and why. Please confirm whether the subject shaver depicted in the photograph is still available, and if so, I will provide you with a postage paid mailing label for its return to me, with a cover letter and instructions.

Thank you for apprising BIC of this experience, and for the photograph. I look forward to hearing from you regarding the availability of the shaver and your telephone number.

Best regards,

Daniel *

* Personal contact information omitted to preserve Dan’s privacy. (May I call you Dan?) So far, I like Dan. He seems like a man who gets things done.


Dear Bic Corporation

Dear Friends at Bic Soleil,

I’m writing to inform you about a little problem … well, more of a big problem actually that my family had recently with one of your products. As a long time user of your razors, I had no trouble selecting a Bic product for my 12-year-old daughter. Up to this point, she had been using an electric version, so the Bic Soleil would be her first “real” razor. (We all know they work better than electric razors, right?) And even though I was terrified of the daily bloodbaths I remembered through my own teen years, I allowed myself to relax in the confidence that your shaving products (and likely all shaving products) had vastly improved since my generation.

The good news?

Your razor did not immediately and repeatedly cut and nick my daughter’s delicate skin.

The bad news?

Because the razor EXPLODED!

Seriously, I’ve seen roman candles burst into less pieces than the Bic Soleil razor I handed my 12-year-old daughter.

I knew this was an accident. I knew it was a mind-boggling anomaly. And I knew it was something you should be informed about as soon as possible. Because the next twelve-year-old who finds herself in the presence of an EXPLODING RAZOR might not be so lucky. She might not call her mother immediately to come pick up all the pieces. She might actually try to clean up the mess herself.

This worry keeps me awake at night and forces me to write this letter.

I’d love to hear back from you. In fairness, you should know that I post all of my corporate correspondence on my website ( and my readers just love it when big companies like yours take the time to respond and make things right. Incidentally, I do, too.

Thanks for your time. Please don’t disappoint me … again.

Michele Robert Poche


A Letter to My Daughter on her 13th Birthday

Dear Vivien,

As of 7:20 this morning, you are officially a teenager. I’m as excited about that as I am scared. You’ve got so many amazing milestones coming up … starting with your elementary school graduation today (how many kids get to graduate on their birthdays?), a new school in the fall and maybe even a few dance dates next year. (We’re going to have to medicate your poor dad on those weekends. I’m not sure he’ll be able to stand it.)

You were a pretty easy baby, arriving only one day before your due date after a mere five hours of labor. Being a younger sibling, you were (and still are) determined to do everything at the same time as your older sibling. I’ll never forget the first time your brother, an overprotected first-born, had gum. He was five years old. You know when you first had gum? Three seconds later when two-year-old you who was sitting next to him at the time demanded it. I guess that’s not uncommon for younger siblings. Or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself all these years.

Irish novelist and playwright Oscar Wilde (you’ll learn about him in high school) once said, ‘With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.” In other words, don’t be in too much of a hurry to grow up. As someone with probably a little more age than wisdom, I’d like to impart some of the more important things I’ve learned (and am still learning) in my lifetime.

If you’ll indulge me just a moment …

Brush your teeth. I’ve been telling you this one for as long as I can remember. But there’s a reason. If I could do it all over again, I’d work harder to have way less metal in my mouth. You only get one set of adult teeth. (And at such an early age. Seriously, that’s a poor design.) Treat them better than you’d treat your own jewelry.

Keep up with your school work. If your assignment is to go home and read The Taming of the Shrew, do it. Once you fall behind, it’s almost impossible to catch up again. And no amount of Spark Notes and chatter with classmates will serve as a replacement for simply doing the work. Plus you might actually like the book. They don’t call them classics for nothing.

Avoid girl drama. I cannot emphasize this one enough. I know gossip can be tempting. And sometimes even entertaining. But it’s not worth it. And you will always feel bad when you allow yourself to give in to it. Take the high road, smile politely and excuse yourself from the table to get something to drink. Chances are, when you come back they’ll be onto another subject.

Do not cut off all your hair because you’re having a bad day. This sentence could also have started with “Do not perm your hair because … yada yada yada.” When you wake up the next morning, whatever’s troubling you will likely have lessened and things will be way better if you’re not looking at them through a fuzzy mop top.

Learn to eat well. Truth? I’m still learning on this one. (Pathetic, right?) By “well,” I don’t mean everything has to be kale and carrots. Eating well means learning to balance the healthy with the indulgent … everything in moderation. Extreme behavior never works and will set you up for a lifetime of food struggles. Do yourself a favor and adopt a healthy lifestyle now.

Trim the fat. If there’s someone in your life who’s causing you nothing but stress and unhappiness, find a way to eliminate them from your circle. Surround yourself with people you can trust. People who can make you laugh until you choke on your own spit. Or cry until your face is swollen to twice its size. These are the people you’ll take with you for the entirety of your life.

Do not let boys control you in any way. I’m sorry. I know your dad is a boy. And your brother. And grandfather, etc. But I guarantee they would all agree with me. Teenage boys are notoriously stupid. They take risks and act without thinking. A lot. And they pressure others to join them in these foolish endeavors. Please remember that no boy is worth doing something you know isn’t a good idea.

Which reminds me …

If I couldn’t be there sitting beside you

watching whatever it is that you’re doing,

it’s probably a bad idea.


Please find another activity.


The bottom line is … so far, you’ve been a wonderful daughter who has made me proud to be your mother (almost) every day now for thirteen years. Do I expect the same greatness in the coming years? Hell to the yes, I do. Do I expect you to stumble and make mistakes from time to time? Well, unfortunately, that’s also a yes. But know that I’ll be waiting for you … every time you fall … to help you get up and dust yourself off again. That’s a promise you can take to the bank. Like my own mother, I plan to be there for my children until my time here is done.

So please know that whether you’re struggling over an English exam, a big promotion at your glamorous job or even a new baby one day, I will always be there for you. You (and your brother) are my absolute pride and joy. And there is literally nothing I wouldn’t do for you.

Happy Birthday.

Happy Graduation.

Happy Just to Be Your Mother.


“Children make your life important.”
– Erma Bombeck


Mamakat writing prompt: Share a lesson you learned from your Mother that still sticks with you to this day.

“I plan to be there for my children until my time here is done.”