OldDogNewTits












Floods. (shiver) Here in New Orleans, we’re a little shell-shocked about them because we’re located about a dozen feet below sea level. In my lifetime, I’ve seen it happen several times, most famously in 2005 thanks to Hurricane Katrina. My home was among the many casualties, although you’d never know it to look around here now. Seriously, I think someone sneaks useless trash and clutter into my house while we’re asleep.

But let’s get back to floods. I want to talk about the biggest flood of all times. Because its story is being told on the big screen in a movie that opens this Friday, March 28. It’s called simply … Noah. Have you seen the trailer yet?

I’ll be seeing this movie very soon, most likely with my mother. And I’ll be positively hyperventilating during all the destruction scenes. Water-related disasters (Titanic, The Perfect Storm, Jaws) get me in the gut every time. Maybe I need to rethink those cheese sticks and go for something more “stomach-friendly” for this one.

(We all know I’m still getting the cheese sticks, right?)

Oh, and before I forget, my friends at Grace Hill Media asked Mel and me to help promote the movie release with a little giveaway. Actually, we have TWO giveaways because everything related to this movie should be done in PAIRS. (I’ll just assume you get that joke.) Wanna see what you could win? Remember, ODNT has a very limited marketing budget so we can’t afford to hire any fancy models for the photo shoot.

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Each prize package contains three items: A hoodie shirt, a raincoat (duh!) and  a baseball cap.

Be flattered. Because I absolutely despise how I look in baseball caps. And I never put them on. For anyone. Here’s why.

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Don’t even TRY to tell me you don’t see the resemblance. 

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So, I’ll be keeping the shirt and the raincoat but passing the cap on to my Godchild. Named NOAH, of course. His birthday is this week. (Happy birthday, buddy!!!) Want a set of Noah merchandise of your very own? Mel and I can totally make that happen. Right now.

CLICK HERE TO WIN!

Remember to fill out the rafflecopter completely. Just clicking the ‘tweet the giveaway’ option can earn you TEN extra entries each day. The promotion ends on Monday, March 31, 2014.

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Good luck!

For more information about the movie, visit noahmovie.com.

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Darling Dame
About these ads



Mel and I met a lot of great people at the BlogHer13 Expo in Chicago last summer. And one of the biggest exhibitors there had to be Kiss Products. Their friendly experts passed the hours styling hair, sculpting nails and elongating lashes. You were guaranteed to walk out of the booth looking better than you walked in.

They make so many different products (see for yourself) that Mel and I are writing two reviews for them. Last time, we talked about their home gel manicure kit but this time we’re talking about hair dryers … specifically the Kiss Tornado 360. (Read to the end for a special surprise. Two special surprises actually. One of which might just have you moved to tears … delightfully entertained … laughing in shock at my idiocy.)

Now, I’ll admit. When I first received my review product, I had no idea what a unique hair tool I held in my hands.  Yes, it’s sleek. Yes, it’s powerful. Of course, lots of hair dryers can make those claims. Right? Right. But they don’t all offer this next feature.

Here’s where the whole 360 thing comes in. In Suuuuperrrr Sloooo-Moooo.

In addition to the standard concentration attachment, the Kiss Tornado 360 also comes with a patented rotating air nozzle attachment. To quote their website, “The rotating air booster creates spiral airflow movement that evenly distributes heat and prevents the risk of spot heat damage.” You know what that means, right? It means you’ll never again burn yourself (or your child) by lingering too long in one spot. So it protects your scalp and your hair from heat damage. (Somewhere my daughter just let out a huge cheer.)

And there are lots of other great features about the Kiss Tornado 360:

  • 3 heat settings
  • 2 speed settings
  • A cool shot button
  • Ceramic tourmaline technology reduces frizz & enhances shine
  • Thanks to the 360 feature, it dries hair three times faster because it covers an area four times larger leaving you more time to read quality blogs like AccordingToMags.com &  OldDogNewTits.com.

Honestly, my daughter and I love the Kiss hair dryer so much that I was inspired to put it to song. So I dusted off my guitar and got to work. Wanna hear? (I’m just going to assume you are all nodding in enthusiastic unison.) Remember, I love my show tunes. Here goes …

Alright, fine. Maybe you’re laughing at me. But I bet you still want your own Kiss Tornado 360 hair dryer. And Mel and I can make that happen. Right here. Right now. Because we’re giving away two hair dryers to two lucky winners. All you have to do is click the link below.

CLICK HERE TO WIN

Please note that, by simply clicking the ‘tweet the giveaway’ option, you can earn TEN entries a day for this promotion. The contest ends on Thursday, October 24, 2013. 

Good luck, guys!

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That Suburban Momma



Raise your hand if you’ve heard of the gel manicure. (looking around room at a sea of jagged talons covered in chipped polish) Okay, fine. So you’ve heard of gel manicures, but have you ever actually tried one? If you’re like me, regular nail polish stays on just long enough for you to screw the top back on the bottle, right? We’re lucky if we get even ONE day out of it, right? It’s maddening! Are you as tired of this exercise in FUTILITY as I am?!!? (getting a little carried away) CAN I GET AN AMEN?!!? (being reminded by Mel that I need to calm down)  

Enter the gel nail revolution.

A few of my local friends and I discovered it at a nail salon a few years ago. In short, your nails are painted with a different type of polish and cured with an LED lamp. So, they’re instantly dry. And, even better, they last  … are you ready for this? … for WEEKS!

YOU:  Shut up! That’s awesome, Michele. But I’d really rather save money and do my nails at home.

ME: Um, YOU shut up … and keep reading.

Kiss Products, my new friends from BlogHer13, actually sell a home gel nail kit. Yes, I said HOME. And having had a few salon gel manicures myself, I just had to try it. Which I did today.

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Seriously, it’s as easy as 1 … 2 … 3. Well, I mean there are three steps that each have three parts within them. Which I realize is actually nine steps. But that makes it sound hard, and it’s really not, so instead I just … you know what? Look at the pictures below. They explain it way better than I can.

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Step ONE: A) Paint nails with BASE COAT. B) Dry fingers for (I’m with Mel on this one) twice the suggested time under the LED lamp. C) Dry thumb (always double the time).

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Step TWO: A) Paint nails with COLOR COAT. B) Dry fingers. C) Dry thumb. For deeper color, repeat.

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Step THREE: A) Paint nails with TOP COAT. B) Dry fingers. C) Dry thumb. If nails still feel tacky after a while, soak a cotton ball in regular nail polish remover (crazy, huh?) and rub them down.

Are you more of a live action person? Are my static, inanimate photos putting you to sleep? Fine. Then check out the Instagram video my daughter helped me make.

(I smell an Oscar.)

It might look like a lot but I promise it’s not. The few extra minutes you spend painting your nails with the gel polish actually saves you time. How? Because you’re not having to redo your freaking … frigging … useless as the popcorn setting on my microwave … chipped manicure every couple of days.

Think of it this way. It’s like when people (and I say people because I’m never kitchen savvy enough to do this) prepare huge portions of some delicious homemade family favorite to freeze for later in the week. Sure, it takes longer to make more food when you’re initially preparing it, but the reward of simply getting to defrost and heat it again later in the week is  killer, right? (Again, I really have no idea. “Later in the week,” my family will be eating frozen pizza from Target.)

YOU: But … but … but is it just as good as a salon gel manicure, Michele?

ME: Geez! Stop poking me. I’m trying to … just … fine! You know what? The finish and durability so far has been just as good as a salon gel mani. The only real difference I see is that the polish isn’t applied as flawlessly. And that’s really more the fault of … well, me, right? 

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Don’t make fun. If I hadn’t been wearing those glasses, I probably would have completely missed my nails.

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So I give two decently gel-manicured thumbs up for the Kiss gel nails kit. Of course, as with anything, practice makes perfect. And, kids, listen to your teachers … because neatness counts here. Oh, and Kiss does much more than nails, by the way. Check out the Kiss website to see all their products.

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Wanna try some Kiss Products for yourself?

Mel and I are giving away TWO prize packages courtesy of Kiss. Each package includes a Kiss Tornado 360  hair dryer and a pack of Kiss EverEZLashes. Your hair and your eyes will thank you for it. (Not literally though. That would be terrifying.)

CLICK HERE TO WIN!

The contest ends on Thursday, October 10, 2013. You can earn extra entries by leaving blog comments, following everybody on Facebook and Twitter and, best of all, tweeting about the contest to spread the love. There’s even a button on the rafflecopter to make it super easy. If only everything had a super easy button …

Good luck, everyone!

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Picture it. A Bacchanalian afterparty. Two women, stunningly outfitted in White Cloud toilet paper hats, both still giddy about being selected to interview the glamorously hilarious Wendi-McLendon Covey of Bridesmaids.

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Hell, yeah, I’m bragging. Wouldn’t you?!!?

And then it got even better. Thanks to Monster Products. They were there exhibiting their newest headphone model – Monster Inspiration. Color me excited. Way excited. Mel and I wasted no time trying them on and testing them out right there in the middle of the raucous event. What better place to test their noise cancellation abilities, right? Of course right.

“What song do you want to hear?” the friendly Monster rep asked me. “Um … “ I mumble, scrolling through her many selections, “How about this one?”

“You don’t have to be rich to be my girl …. you don’t have to be cool to rule my world … Ain’t no particular sign I’m more compatible with … I just want your extra time and your ….. Kiss.”

I felt like Julia Roberts in her famously cute hot tub scene in Pretty Woman. Except all I had to do for the headphones is write this review. Which, honestly, writes itself. After all, these things are the Cadillac of musical headgear. Especially considering I’ve been slumming it with ear buds all these years. (Who knew?) We were truly so impressed with their sound as well as their durability. When I say they’re exactly what you look for in a quality headphone, I’m not exaggerating. Not one bit. (Note to readers: I will never misrepresent myself on this blog. You have my word on that one. In fact, I just turned down an incredible review opportunity last week because I was displeased with their product. And that’s all I’m saying.)

Oh, and they invited us to take pictures with them. Lots of pictures. And then share them on our many platforms of social media. (insert pause to pretend I’m shy) “Well … okay. If that’s what you really want, Monster Products. I’ll do it. But only because you asked so nicely.”

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I know what you’re thinking. There’s a word for girls like me. And I like to think it’s …. savvy. (Although I would also have accepted cheese-loving.)

I texted Dave one of my pictures and then broke the news. He was over the moon. It’s not easy to get this man over the moon, you guys.

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We cradled them as though they were babies, delivered them to our hotel room and played with them for the rest of the trip. We absolutely hated having to put them away for our flights home.

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And of course, once I actually got here, everyone took a turn checking them out.

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To borrow from my girl Julia Roberts again … Big thumbs up, Monster Inspiration. Big. HUGE. From everyone in this house. And that boy in the top right corner who owns a pair of your biggest competitors … well, he was pretty freakin’ jealous of impressed with his mom. Thanks for giving me the props. Not only do they enrich my music experience, but they also up my dwindling coolness quotient. It’s a scientific fact. I even conducted an experiment with them right here on ODNT

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Want to win a pair of your very own Monster Headphones? Well, of course you do!

Mel and I are EACH giving away a pair of Monster NTune Candy headphones. Perfect for Back-to-School, Back-to-Work or even Back-the-Hell-Off-This-is-My-Me-Time!
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They come in an assortment of bright, bold colors. With a flexible headband, they’ll stand up in any backpack, suitcase, briefcase or fanny pack. (That’s how cool they are. You can wear a fanny pack and still look awesome!) Plus, the quality of the Monster sound is unparalleled. It’s no wonder this line is called NCredible. Just click the Rafflecopter link below by August 23rd. There are lots of ways to enter. You’ll see. Good luck!
 

Click here to enter the Monster Headphones Giveaway!

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But That’s Not All!

YOU:  But, Michele, you don’t seriously expect me to wait to see if I win the headphones, do you? DO YOU? I want my own pair. I want my own pair of Monster headphones NOW!!!

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ME:  Geez. Calm down there, Veruca. I’ve got great news for you, too. But you have to act by the end of the month. Check the box below. Can you do that? CAN YOU? 

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Who says it’s impossible to shop for Father’s Day? Now you can do it all from the comfort of home … thanks to Datevitation.

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Yep. I’m hosting another giveaway … this time for Datevitation, the first and only custom love coupon book platform out there where you can create your own one-of-a-kind gift book for Dad, Grandpa or any other family patriarch. Each page represents a fun activity you can do together. From thumb wars and silly string fights to horseback riding and stargazing, they’ve got you covered with more than 350 different delightfully funky designs. And Father’s Day is just the tip of the iceberg. At Datevitation, you can easily create a book to anyone from anyone for any possible occasion.

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Seriously, Vivien wasted no time in creating one for her dad. Shhhhh!

It takes only minutes to put it together and they’ll ship it right to your door. Interested in making one? I’m offering you two ways to jump on board:

  1. Place your order by June 6th using the code ‘ODNT10′ to receive $10 off.

  2. Click this Rafflecopter giveaway for a chance to win a free custom book.

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Datevitation is a family business run by the husband-wife team of Alex and Olga Karpman. Get to know them on the Datevitation blog.

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How could I NOT lead with this picture?

That’s right. We’re talking about hugs today. How simple is that? And when I say “we,” I mean my friend, Mel and me. And when I say “hugs” I mean one of the cutest little innoventions to hit the shelves lately.

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Introducing the Embracelet

Created by two enterprising moms, this special bracelet was designed to promote and encourage positive interactions with your kids and other loved ones. There are twenty-five beads on the bracelet and the wearer is challenged to have a special moment (hugs, smiles and other little acts of love) with their little people before each day is done. The ladybug clip moves over one bead for each of these daily milestones.

About a month ago, Embracelet creators Tina and Lisa (huggabuggakids.com) contacted Mel and me about doing a review on our blogs … which meant we each got one of these cute little things. (Yay!)

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Anyone who knows me at all knows that this kind of jewelry is right up my alley. Case in point: Also pictured is my 10-year anniversary band from Marie Laveau’s Voodoo Shop right here in New Orleans. It was $10. Dave has no idea how lucky he is. But I digress …

The bracelet … excuse me, I mean the EMbracelet is precious. It’s got a nice weight to it and each clear bead is dimpled to give it a little texture. And the pewter ladybug is just adorable. The whole thing is very sturdy and well-made.

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But, Michele, does it work?

Honestly? YES! It has made me stop and appreciate not only my kids but also my husband, my family and my friends. And (gulp) you know what I realized? I don’t EVER have twenty-five meaningful moments with my loved ones in a given day. (My bracelet should probably have black beads and a stink bug on it.) So, I’m working on it. Who among us can’t use a little self-improvement, right?

And that’s why I’m giving YOU the same chance! Mel and I both are actually. Just tell me in the comments below why you want an Embracelet of your very own. We’ll each be randomly drawing a name from our commenters. For those impaired mathematically, that means we’ll have TWO winners. So, get cracking! The deadline for entry is noon on February 1st!

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If YOU win the Embracelet, who will you hug first?

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* * * * * Got five seconds? * * * * *

Please click that FANCY PANTS PINK BALL (above) to visit the Circle of Moms site and vote for ODNT for Top 25 Funny Moms.

I need this, people! Before somebody gives me a STINK BUG bracelet. One gut punch for every bead!

You can vote daily until February 13. Thanks!

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Underwear … Underpants … Undies … Panties … Drawers … Bloomers … Tightie Whities … Skivvies … BVDs … Knickers … and (cough) lots of others I’m not going to include in a children’s book review

There are countless ways to name them but only one way to use them. Right?

Well, not exactly … says New York Times Bestselling Author Todd Parr. With more than thirty children’s books to his name including the NY Times Bestseller The I Love You Book, Parr reached out to the mom blog community to help promote his work. And my friend, Mel, and I were the first in line.

The book is about underwear, for Pete’s sake. What’s not to like?

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The Underwear Book will have your little people rolling on the floor not only because of Parr’s clever ideas and whimsical illustrations but also because the book centers on (you guessed it!) underwear. An inherently funny subject for kids and, let’s be honest, grown-ups, too. Underwear users, am I right? The book is set up ‘Do & Don’t’ style. To give you an example, here’s one of my favorite pages. (Yes, it IS because it’s about hippos. Thanks for asking.)
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Anyway, just like Mel said in her review, we liked the book so much that we thought it would be fun to do our giveaway together. We really identified with it. We both have kids, we both read books AND we both wear underwear. Plus, Mel thinks the cat in Parr’s book is basely (loosely, mind you) on Milo, the fat, orange sloth ball at my house.

Separated at birth? What do you think?

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So, we’re giving away three autographed copies. Here’s how to enter:
  1. Create your own DO & DON’T and put it in the comments of either of our blogs.  PG-rating, please. It is a children’s book. (Oh, and here’s Mel’s post … in case you like her better.)
  2. The winners will be chosen by us, as we have been wearing underwear for years and feel qualified to make this decision.
  3. The deadline to enter is October 6th at noon. Winners will be announced by midnight that same day.

Let the DOing & DON’Ting begin!

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et cetera
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