OldDogNewTits












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Edward Hotspur: Hey, ODNT. Are you going to write something for Romantic Monday?

Me: Romantic? Um … well, that’s not really my forte. Can it be quirky? And unconventional? Can I think outside the box? Like Taco Bell. Except that they say “bun.” Because they’re referring to the fact that they have taco shells and tortillas and stuff instead of ….

Edward Hotspur: Yes, yes. I get it. (rolling eyes) You? Outside the box? I would expect nothing less.

Okay, so this conversation never actually happened but I felt it necessary to explain my unusual approach to these writing prompts. I guess I see things differently than most so I’ll just call them as I see them, if that’s alright with you guys. Which reminds me … today we’re talking about the romance I just witnessed in a Liquid Plumber commercial.

Some of you may have already seen the ad. It’s plugging (pardon the pun) a new-ish product called Liquid Plumber Double Impact. And they’re using two beefy dudes (and Barry White) to make their point. Truly, you have to see it to believe it.

Now, for the record, I just unclogged the toilet in my master bathroom. Dave was out of town again so the delicious task fell to me. And I’m here to tell you that there is nothing sexy about it. By the time I was done, I was a mess and there were wet towels everywhere. There was toilet water all over my feet and the floor. Which the cat managed to track also into my bedroom and (bonus) onto my bed.

Perhaps if I called it “eau de toilette.”

Nope. Not sexy yet.

Or if I had music on in the background.

I went with the Weather Channel’s musak. Still not sexy.

Or if I appealed to my olfactory senses with an array of pleasing scents.

Remember, I’m unplugging a malfunctioning toilet. Never a treat for the nose.

I’m sorry, Edward. I tried to recreate this woman’s experience at home. I’ll do better next time. Not everyone can have a Romantic Monday over her toilet. Oh, and before I forget … Dave, we really need a new plunger. Ours sucks. Not literally. Which is WHY it sucks.

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