OldDogNewTits












When we last checked in with the ODNT Job Search, we were talking about very specialized housekeepers. The position looked great. It was part-time and the compensation was “expereinced.” (I’m not sure if that means the same thing as “experienced” but I’m confused either way.) Still, you guys have me convinced that I’m not qualified for this position. So I guess we’ll keep looking, right?

I found another job opportunity on Craig’s List this morning. I didn’t get a chance to read it in its entirety but it sounded interesting so I thought we could examine it together line by line and you could tell me what you think.

Here’s the ad.

20121013-105904.jpgFour female magician’s assistants needed for regular shows in private club.

  • Well, I’m a female so that’s a great start. Plus they want FOUR of us. So my chances are quadrupled. And I like the words “regular” and “private.” Sounds stable and fancy.

Four nights per week. (Thurs-Sun) Two shows per night. (45 minutes each)

  • Okay. So, that’s the “regular” they’re talking about. Cool. Consistency is good in a  job.

Must be 5’7″ to 5’11” tall (barefoot height) and tattoo free.

  • This sounds like a clear cut case of heightism to me. With a very straightened spine and slightly teased hair, I’m about 5’4″ in my bare feet so this could be a problem. On the plus side, I AM tattoo free. (I know. I just disappointed a number of you.)

Must have minimal costume limitations and finales for both shows will be performed at least topless.

  • “Minimal costume limitations” … okey-dokey. “Finales for both shows will be performed at least” … WHAT? I draw the line at being “at least topless” for BOTH shows. What’s the old expression … Always Leave Them Wanting More? I have to say no here. Where’s the showmanship in this act? Oh, and I’m not a stripper. So, there’s that, too.

All costuming supplied.

  • Now, that just doesn’t even make sense. Except that I guess that’s where the “at least” comes in. Plus, apparently, this “costuming” is worn until the finale. That’s when they send the kids out of the room.

Pays $2500 per week with possible 25-50% bonus. Six month contract minimum.

  • Now, why can’t this blogging gig pay that kind of cheese? And, yes, I sincerely meant cheese. Damn it.

Guess it’s back to the old drawing board, you guys.

* * * * * * * * * *

HAVE A JOB FOR ME?

Email me at olddognewtits@gmail.com … before I’m forced to wear a Princess Leia bikini and be transformed into a White Bengal Tiger in Vegas.

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