OldDogNewTits












The beginning of the year is always a good time to look for a part-time job to earn a little extra cheese. And, time and again, Craigslist.com has proven to be a very reliable resource, offering an endless stream of colorful opportunities for enterprising, young go-getters … or, you know, me. Recently, I came across three such opportunities for employment. Here they are, in no particular order, for your perusal. (And don’t any of you go getting any ideas to snake my job ops. Uncool.)

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Are you guys thinking what I’m thinking?

Why take ONE job when I can triple-dip and take ALL of them?!!? I can make three times the money … or Frito-Lay products, cat food or whatever currency in which they’re paying me.

So here’s the plan. I need to go live on the cat farm and coach the little suckers (Relax, I said suckers … with an “S’) in the ancient arts of mime and clairvoyance. If I can get a few of the cats to simulate a tug-of-war match or walking against the wind while a few others read tea leaves, I should be able to make enough money to carry my family until summer. Of course, if I could get just one to utter “I see dead people” from inside an invisible box in which he’s trapped, I should be able to put both of my kids through college. And possibly some of yours.

You know what? I need to go. I see a cash cow in the making. I need to get a jump on this thing before someone else beats me to the punch on this whole cat version of Marcel-Marceau-meets-Uri-Geller. (starting to panic) Where the hell is Milo?!!? He can be my first pupil. Milo, MIIIIIIILLLLLOOOO! Here kitty, kitty,  kitty….

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Seriously, he is SO jazzed about his 15 minutes. (It’s actually about two hours in cat years.) Here he is … already mastering the skill of MIMING LEVITATION. I am gonna be soooo freakin’ rich, you guys.

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