OldDogNewTits











{December 23, 2012}   Weekend at Herve’s

Happy Holidays from the ODNT Family!

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Yep, I did it. I not only put the crazy cat on the Christmas card. I also included the scruffy, little hamster. Apparently, if there is a weight limit to appear on our holiday card, it’s at least five ounces. So, in addition to our families and friends, Dave, Dean, Vivien and the cat, I now also find myself gift shopping for a rodent. He’s become a pretty important fixture around here. Enough so that he even rated apparel on our annual greeting. (Thanks, Littlest Pet Shop.)

Anyway, it’s finally getting colder around these parts and I’ve noticed that Herve seems a little more sluggish than usual. It’s probably just because he’s chilly and in dire need of new, feces-free vermin bedding. (Don’t forget Herve, Santa!) And I was thinking … (clearing throat to indicate that I’m about to be inappropriate where Herve is concerned) … if anything does happen to Herve, might I be able to perpetuate his existence until the holiday has passed? I mean …. if Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman could pull it off with their boss to fool the mafia, how hard could it be with a tiny hamster?

Right?

He seems easily poseable and I could likely manipulate the clocks to convince everyone here that it’s daytime and thus his appearance of deep sleep is merely attributed to his nocturnal nature. I could also probably put a motor in the hamster wheel to kill a little time. A running hamster can only be interpreted as a live hamster, yes?

Hmmm. What else am I forgetting? ….. Ooooh! Sunglasses! They used dark sunglasses all the time in that stupid movie. And they got them out of trouble over and over (and over!) again. So I need some hamster-sized sunglasses ASAP. Does anyone have any? I’m kind of thinking Ray Bans would work with his facial shape. And I would hate to add the illusion of extra weight to the little guy when he can’t speak for himself.

The entire situation might actually wind up being a good thing for everybody. (Except, of course, Herve.) Everyone in those movies was always partying in a beach house and the whole, far-fetched ruse was so successful that the characters managed to get a second movie out of it. (FOUR YEARS LATER. I still don’t understand that.) Maybe Weekend at Herve’s would provide comedic posts filled with hilarious hijinks for a whole year! Just think of the possibilities!

But I’m getting ahead of myself ….

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Even as I type, Herve is resting comfortably on his Ratatouille washcloth and subpar varmint bedding. I’m sure he’ll be fine. Which is a good thing. I just like to let my imagination stretch its legs and get out to play every once in a while.

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