“… Two Turtle Doves … and Some Brown Shoes That Do Not Fit Me”

My Dearest Shoe Fairy,

While I am certainly a big fan of your work, I must confess that I am grossly disappointed with your sloppy effort this season. Imagine my surprise when upon my doorstep I found a package bearing my address and unmistakably containing a pair of new shoes I thought were meant just for me. Until I opened them.

If you’re going to go to the trouble to commit mail fraud and basically steal for me, let’s get one thing straight. I wear a size 6.5 to 7. Oh, and I most definitely would not wear these shoes. Especially in winter. Even for free.

Next time, can we try for black, maybe a fun high boot with a mid-heel? Or something like that. Just not these.

Thanks anyway,




To my new friends at GrabThoseShoes.com,

A pair of shoes (addressed to my husband Dave) were recently sent in error to my home. They were not my size nor my style and I have never ordered anything from your website. And, unless my husband is leading a double life, I’m pretty sure these oversized women’s high heels are not intended for him either. After waiting in a holiday line for nearly an hour, I tried to return them at your expense at the post office but was told I was going to be charged $9 for shipping then another $12 for packaging and so on. 

The shoes themselves only sold for $7.26. (The original Nine West price was $49.95. What a steal!) Anyway, unless you want to send me a pre-paid shipping label and packaging so that I can return them at no cost to me, I’ll be finding a larger-footed friend upon whom I shall bestow this fashionable gift.

Please let me know at your earliest convenience how you wish to proceed as I’m ready to get this box out of my house.

Yours in fabulous footwear, 


Will the shoe fairy deliver the boots?

What is GrabThoseShoes going to do about this order?

And might their website have other deals as good as this one?

Stay tuned for the answers to these and other questions in our next installment about the lost shoes. At this point, I have no idea what it will be called or when it will post. Just .. stay tuned. … Fine. I’ll bring snacks.


5 responses to ““… Two Turtle Doves … and Some Brown Shoes That Do Not Fit Me”

  1. Give the shoes to someone else, and add the name of whoever responds to you to every email mailing list in the world.
    Or at least to the DSW, Nine West and Foot Locker lists.

  2. I wish I was a size 9. 🙂

    P.S. I like how you went into detail about the type, color and size of boot you’d like to see the “shoe fairy” bring you. Hopefully he, I mean she reads your post. 🙂

  3. Mel, the shoe fairy *is* a he! At least on Sesame Street, where he bears a STRONG resemblance to Neil Patrick Harris. 🙂

  4. I can’t wait to find out what happens next! I hope that the “fairy” gets you what you want!

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