Tag Archives: elf on the shelf

The Elf on the Shelf: He Comes in Peace!

It’s that time of year again. It’s the magical time when we find ourselves surrounded by all things Christmas … from twinkling, decorated fir trees and nutmeg-dusted eggnog to timeless holiday carols and, of course, loads and loads of Elf-on-the-Shelf-bashing articles and posts written by tired, desperate parents everywhere.

But it doesn’t have to be that way!

To the many parents around the world who are frustrated with being outdone by the 1% of the population going the ridiculous extra mile with their Christmas minions … I get it. I don’t have time to clean up marshmallows all over the house or switch family members’ closets in the middle of the night either. Which is why I came up with a solution. Because, by the time my kids are in bed at night, I’m ready to drop dead from exhaustion and the LAST thing I want to do is create elaborate messes for myself. I’ve got cookies to bake, bills to pay, presents to wrap, legs to shave, etc. etc. etc.


Who was the first idiot mom to decide these little suckers had to be  mischievous? Aren’t elves supposed to be helpful? Don’t they work 24/7/364 making toys for Santa to deliver to children all over the world? And didn’t they help the shoemaker catch up on all his back orders in the dead of night? Seriously? What do Santa and the old cobbler have that you and I don’t?

Absolutely nothing.

Which is why my family decided to “hire” a helpful elf for our home a few years back. And, since that time, Herme has saved my butt on more than one occasion. Truly (and what other parent have you ever heard say this?) our elf is a treasure.

  • Loads of laundry to fold? No problem! When we wake up in the morning, all of our clothes and towels are folded perfectly right there on the sofa. Even better than I could have done it myself.
  • Sink full of dishes? Piece of cake. I just can’t forget to leave the dishwasher door open. Because, apparently, it’s a bit heavy for the little guy.
  • Christmas cards to get out? Did you know that elves have some of the most beautiful penmanship in the world? And they can stuff, stamp and seal faster than I ever could.

Our elf just seems to remember everything. And he knows this house like the back of his tiny, red, fingerless hand. He knows when light bulbs are burned out, batteries need replacing and the cat box needs changing. And he has mad skills in baking, gift wrapping, housecleaning … you name it. Honestly, I don’t know what we’d do without him.

So if you’re tired of cleaning up powdered sugar snow angels and undo-ing little pranks and other shenanigans, I’d recommend hiring a new helpful elf. Seriously, these little fellas make the best brownies I’ve ever tasted.


Of course, sometimes we just give him the day off to hang out in the diorama having snacks with his friends.

Even elves need a little me time.


That Suburban Momma