I’ve been thinking about something a lot lately. And I’ve been wanting to write about it but have no idea how to do it. I don’t even know where to start. When I look back at my blog entries from this time last year, they are much more numerous than I remember. Listing all the links in this post seems not only exhausting but also very redundant. (If you’re interested in reading them, they can be located by using the ‘Archived Dumbassery’ tool in the sidebar.)

Today marks a very important anniversary for me. As I lie in bed typing, I will confess that I’ve been secretly preoccupied for the last week or two. And it’s all coming to a head for me now. Here’s the short story.

On December 1, 2011, I had surgery to remove a tumor my doctor found on my lung during a very routine medical exam. Needless to say, I was floored by the whole experience. But I guess I didn’t realize just how much until I re-read the 17 posts I wrote leading up to my surgery and then the 15 that came after (19 if you count the guest posts). The whole thing seems so surreal to me now. I remember the story as though it were someone else’s.

On this same day last year, of the more than five hundred mothers at my children’s school, three were sick and receiving substantial support from our amazing community. Since that time, the first woman succumbed to her illness, the second lost a vital organ and the third is writing to you now from this keyboard. I managed to walk away from my medical crisis with only four little scars on my torso to remind me that it really happened.

Why should I be so lucky?

I have absolutely no idea. I don’t have these answers or any like it. I just know that I need to take a moment to reflect on the positive hand I’ve been dealt. I will not take it for granted. I am very thankful for the opportunity to continue being a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother and a friend.

Oh, and one more thing ….

This picture was taken by me only moments before I was wheeled into surgery. As you can plainly see, I was high as a kite and the family members who were with me at the time really should have taken my phone away. But they didn’t. And I managed to snap this picture. It’s actually one of my favorite shots on my phone’s camera roll, although I’ve never shown it to anyone. It’s pretty raw …. but it’s also pretty happy. Right now, that seems like a nice combination.