The Thursday evening deadline is looming so I had decided to pass on the Trifecta Weekly Challenge. But then I got an idea. And I just had to flesh it out. I didn’t even have my laptop handy so I wrote the whole thing on my phone and crossed my fingers on the word count. And it turned out I was pretty close. So, after a little editing this afternoon, I’m now posting my submission.
Entries must be between 33 & 333 words and need to include the following word using its third definition (both listed below).
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Over Drinks
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“Did you tell Joel?”
“Did I tell Joel?”“Yes. … Did you?”
“You told me in confidence. Why the hell would I tell him?”“I don’t know. Because he’s your boyfriend.”
“Please. He’s been in my life for two months. You’ve been around two decades.”“I’m sorry. I’m still so freaked out about this whole thing.”
“Well, of course you are. But the good news is … it’s over.”“Yeah, I guess. But …”
“But what? Jenny, you just got your life back. What’s the problem?”“What’s the problem?!!? … Beth, I paid to have a man killed. You don’t consider that to be a little bit of a problem.”
“Don’t be sarcastic.”“What if the guy talks? He said he wouldn’t … but how can I be sure?”
“Geez, Jenny. He’s a hired gun. Killing people and keeping secrets. That’s his entire job description.”“It’s just that …”
“What?”“I didn’t pay him the full amount.”
“What? Why?”“Well, I was going to, but then Ben said he’d do it for half … because …”
“Ben??? Wait, is that his name? Jenny, you’re not supposed to …”“I KNOW! It wasn’t supposed to happen. We met in that stupid Greek restaurant to make a plan, but we just kept getting off the subject.”
“Off the subject … of killing James? You kept getting off the subject of killing James with the …”“With the hit man. Yes. … Damn it, Beth. I know how crazy it sounds. THAT’S why I’m so worried.”
“Why? What’s happening with you and the Exterminator?”“Oh, it’s over.”
“Well, YEAH. … But why?”“Beth, do you really think I could be with someone who kills for a living?”
“I don’t know. You stayed with someone who beat the crap out of you and tried to kill YOU for two years.”“Funny.”
“Jenny, we’ve just got to find ‘Ben’ and give him the rest of his money. Or we’ll need to find a guy to take care of him.”“God, Beth. I’m so sorry I pulled you into this shit.”
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interesting take, I like the dialogue
well done, ODNT
Thanks, Lance. You have no idea how many times I read both parts aloud to get it just right. And, for the record, the plumber was here working on my bathroom all the while. I should probably expect the police later.
No entry from you this week?
my entry is entitled “Just What I needed”, posted wednesday
Interesting the way your mind works…
So you’re confirming that it does work then?
I’ve heard rumors…
whoa, never ends, does it? Engaging read.
What never ends? The story? The murder talk? This paranoid barrage of questions I’m firing at you?
yeah, that too. 🙂
Your conversation is so well written. I felt like I was eavesdropping the whole time. Great work, M!
Read what I wrote to Lance above. Seriously, I expect to be jailed by midnight. Will someone please come watch my kids?
That’s hilarious. Just send me a tweet and I’ll hop a flight. Can’t leave ODNT Jr. and the boy stranded!
Reminds me of the song “That’s What Friends Are For” 😉 . Nice story telling. Fun/complicated story.
That was actually the schmaltzy title my brain kept feeding me for this story. I finally silenced it and came up with my own.
Stupid brain.
What no discount? It should’ve been 50% off for friends with benefits.
It was actually a 2-for-1 deal. Jenny was just trying to decide for whom she should cash in the second hit.
I love this. I want to see what happens next. She should marry Ben and go into business with him. And they could have little hit children together.
I see the potential for lots of funny scenes, a la Grosse Pointe Blank. Ever seen it?
Well done! This could be a convo between me and one of my girls! I like!
Umm (swallowing hard) … really, Leanne? This sounds like a normal conversation to you???
Oh hella yeah! Good friends don’t judge!;) And they’ll always help you bury a body. Oops. Out loud again?
My shovel has a reinforced handle.
I love you. Fin.
Oh, please (pretty please!) continue this story, ODNT… I’m on the edge of my seat here! Ab.So. Lute. Ly. AWESOME!! 😀
Well, thanks, Dana. You underestimate my laziness. But maybe, if the Trifecta prompt allows, I can consider crafting part two next week.
Hahahha… it could have been cliff notes indeed. I couldn’t resist. What I am most impressed with is the fact that you managed to type this in on your phone! NO way I could do that… I hate that itty bitty keyboard for “typing” on. It’s horrid, evile, mean and just plain no fun. Besides it is very slow for me. So you have my kudos twice tonight. 😉
Confession: I text with the speed and dexterity of a teenager. My friends make fun of me all the time. But I think they’re just jealous. 🙂
Oh boy, what a mess. Not sure what Jenny was thinking, shortchanging Ben. I’d give him extra just to shut him up. I mean, if I were to order a hit or something…not that I would consider doing this…well, you know…
I cracked up at your comment about reading the dialogue out loud and expecting the plumber to call the police. I hope that hasn’t happened – I don’t think you’re allowed to text from a jail cell.
True friendship in a nutshell.
Thanks for playing again and come on back for the next prompt, won’t you?
Boy, that is really a situation gone wrong, isn’t it? The dialog moves it along beautifully; I was impressed at how gripping the scene was with nothing else included.
Oh my GOD, I loved the contrast between tension and hilarity. The scenario was so FUNNY that it was impossible not to laugh, and the best friend’s increasing alarm. I can absolutely see an entire twisted comedy, maybe directed by the Cohen brothers, based on this.
Much like the way people pay off one credit card with another, they’ll just keep on hiring bounty hunters. FYI – Dog wouldn’t stand a chance against Boba Fett.
That was not the ending I was expecting.
Made it even better.
You should teach your soon-to-be fellow inmates to write like that! 😉