Okay, so maybe “HATE” mail is a bit of an exaggeration. But “YOUR BLOG DISPLEASES ME” mail just didn’t sound as punchy.
It all started out innocently enough with me sitting at the hair salon waiting for the red to settle into my dark roots. I was playing on Twitter when I saw an opportunity for self-promotion, a must in the writer’s world, at which I suck. And, sort of because I am a nice person … but mostly because my brother guilted me into it … I downloaded a crappy, clumsy free app on my phone that would enable me to blacken out my critic’s identity. (What-EV-er! It’s all still on Twitter anyway if you are so inclined.)
Here’s how the conversation went down.
And a little time passed while he went to peruse the blog.
I wonder if he at least liked the font and type size I was using.
Short of calling me fat, I’m not really sure what’s left. Still … I’m new to this whole blogging game so I decided to poke around his Twitter account to see if I could learn anything from someone who’s clearly been around the block a few times and knows what he’s talking about. He’s a dentist … or a “dental enthusiast” of some sort … so everything centers on that. I’m not even sure why he’s following me except that he probably accidentally typed ‘tits’ when he meant to type ‘teeth’ in the search field. It happens all the time. (Cough.)
Here’s what he tweeted not one, not two, but three times yesterday.
Dave says he’s just some poor dude obviously plagued with chronic halitosis. But I realized he’s so much more. The man is a genius and he’s just trying to mentor me. ME! Of all the blogging newbies out there, he picked ME!
Here at ODNT I don’t give anything back to you guys. You come here … hoping to save a dime … maybe find a bargain or two … and what do I do? I bore you with stories about two old brothers growing pot in their bathtub.
Shame. On. Me.
I want to make this right. So, I’m asking now that you please accept my most sincere apologies … and … this link to numerous Meow Mix cat food coupons!
Oh, and you can totally expect to get more of these babies in the future so keep checking in. Why should I waste time writing “quality” content when I can just share coupons?!!? Hell, if you keep reading this blog, you might actually be able to retire early.
Special thanks go out to my Tweeps who came to my rescue with supportive rebuttals to the dentist. Some of you even managed to get yourselves blocked from his account. If that’s not friendship (sniff) …
Dying for more? Wondering if there’s a Part Two to this story? Well, yeah. There is. Click here for the continuing saga of my non-stalker.
OldDogNewTits 
Finally! Now I can become an extreme couponer. Keep them coming!
Cool app, by the way. What is it called? Thanks!
Paint On Photos (POP). I give it a 7.
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Blocked
But extremely happy about that
How did you know I typed tits instead of… I mean HE typed tits instead of teeth? Maybe he typed “old sagging dragging deflated water balloon-like tits” and your blog came up. I’m sure it was just a coincidence.
By the way, you’re sending the message “I want to get friskie with you.” Did you know that?
Can’t believe you didn’t post the therabreath coupon. Too many folks tweet with bad breath.
I gotta say I’m a HUGE fan of arial 10. I use Or at work all the time. How long did it take to get your first neah sayer? I ask to know when to expect mine.
ODNT, Blogging since August 2011. So however longs that’s been. Your food pictures are great, by the way.
“tits” instead of “teeth” … lol … that was funny … I hope that I can have a good sense of humor when someone comes out of the woodwork to bash my blog =p
Hahahaha! I love this post! I had someone unfollow me and tell me my kids will be in therapy because I tweeted that I strapped my 2 year old into his booster seat and put him in the corner because he wouldn’t stay in time out. She tweeted back how I was “traumatizing” him to which I replied “Well I wanted to put him on the front porch and leave him there…I think I showed amazing self-control” UNFOLLOWED!
God, you just can’t make “strapped my kid into a chair” jokes on Twitter like you used to!
My daughter once tweeted that Native American babies were her favorite babies. I have no idea what prompted that post, but I replied that the Pacific Island babies taste better. An obvious joke, but I lost 3 followers within an hour.
Some people just lack a funny bone and thus have no sense of humor. I lack bottom wisdom teeth. I suppose that’s telling.
OMG, dying laughing. I’d not only keep following you, I’d retweet you.
You just made me follow you with that tidbit!
Hysterical. Also, you handed that like a CHAMP. The invite to the reunion? Golden!
You handled it extremely well, with eloquence and class. Some dentists have too much time on their hands…
lol – too funny! I loved your responses.
Oh, that made me laugh out loud. I love that he tweeted that about the breath over and over and was critical of your blog. HA! That is awesome. He’s obviously clueless. And stinky. Thanks for linking this up with us over at #findingthefunny this week!
And he’s still actively tweeting about the breath stuff. As well as couponing, credit card options and mortgage solutions.
Honestly, you’re just wasting your time here. You really should find this dude out in the blogosphere. He’s working very hard to solve the world’s dental problems.
P.S. Can you BELIEVE he hasn’t unfollowed me?
OMFG – I know who you mean! Well shit if he doesn’t have a sense of humor what the hell is he following me for?
Really now? Well, be sure to tell him I said hello. 🙂
Rhymes with Severus Snape? Has 2 sites that appear to be strictly for selling products?
Yes! But he tweets all kinds of stuff. I have a very funny screen capture of one of his tweets and one of mine side by side. It probably sheds a lot of light on why he thinks I’m an idiot.
His tweet – Peter Schro 1520 wood carvings of the Madonna.
My tweet – Time to Vote. Pick your favorite pair of dope-smoking dudes.
Honestly, I think I’m starting to see his point. 🙂
He sounds like a big fat dental spammer. LOL.
Congrats on your first hate-ish mail! 😉
Sounds a bit spammy to me…
Holy Shit, but I was laughing out loud at this! I will remain skeeved for the rest of the day pondering what a “dental enthusiast” really is. Ellen
ditto ellen’s question about dental enthusiast – is he really a dentist? a hygienest? maybe in drag? does he just really, really love to floss? huh. glad you made it through your first hater with such grace and applomb!
Welcome to the world of haters!!! I had someone tell me once that you know you have “made it” as a blogger when you get your first hater! Love this and the way you handled it! Found you through Finding the Funny and will be following you on Twitter and FB momentarily!
Yay! Thanks, Tara.
You were one of the most clicked links at last week’s Finding the Funny (AGAIN!) :). Featuring you tomorrow and pinning this. (Anna @mylifeandkids.com)
Yay! Thanks for the info. And the pinning!
One of these days I’ve just got to figure this Pinterest business out. 🙂
Huh. He’d really hate me. The only teeth in my blog tend to be the knocked in type. Then again, maybe he’d love me. I bet he’d get a hard on about all the dental repairs those characters need.
Perhaps you two should consider a partnership.
I am pretty sure he typed in “tits,” he was just looking for…something else…some people take their…or other people’s…tits very seriously and DO NOT want any laughter involved. People like that WOULD have to criticize you–they are afraid of funny people. I wish I had your app–I got hate mail from a girl who INSISTED that I was someone else. I know–it CLEARLY states who you are on your facebook page AND your blog–like in the TITLE—-evidently that confused her. Aren’t people GREAT?! Thanks for the laughs!
http://anothertiredmommy.blogspot.com/2012/05/what-doesnt-kill-us-makes-usclean-our.html
You’re right. Boob talk is usually pretty sobering. What was I thinking???
Just found you at finding the funny. I’ve only been blogging since October 2011, so following in your footsteps, I can expect my first “your blog displeases me” mail any time now! How exciting!
If you want, I’ll rip you apart on Twitter so you can feel you belong.
And then I’ll tweet coupons.
SOB! 😦 I’ve been blogging since, oh, I don’t remember – a LONG TIME ago, and I have NEVER gotten a bad, nasty letter . . . that I remember.
I KNEW alzheimer’s would come in handy one day.
/sarcasm
I need that sign (points up – SARCASM) or, better termed SNARK.
then again, I don’t (GASP!) tweet.
good on you ODNT!
I think you have to have a slight sadistic streak to be a dentist, so maybe he’s into bestiality and was disappointed to not see an actual old dog with new tits on your site? 😉 [#TALU]
I’m picturing Steve Martin from Little Shop of Horrors. Ever seen it?
Hmmm. And this is why I’m not active on Twitter, lol!
Thanks for linking this up with the TALU!
Wow, that sucks! Even someone who clearly knows nothing about humor blogging can still lob some bombs that sting. I probably would have cried. But, I’m a big baby. Yay to your friends for having your back!!!