critic | OldDogNewTits

Okay, so maybe “HATE” mail is a bit of an exaggeration. But “YOUR BLOG DISPLEASES ME” mail just didn’t sound as punchy.

It all started out innocently enough with me sitting at the hair salon waiting for the red to settle into my dark roots. I was playing on Twitter when I saw an opportunity for self-promotion, a must in the writer’s world, at which I suck. And, sort of because I am a nice person … but mostly because my brother guilted me into it … I downloaded a crappy, clumsy free app on my phone that would enable me to blacken out my critic’s identity. (What-EV-er! It’s all still on Twitter anyway if you are so inclined.)

Here’s how the conversation went down.

And a little time passed while he went to peruse the blog.

I wonder if he at least liked the font and type size I was using.

Short of calling me fat, I’m not really sure what’s left. Still … I’m new to this whole blogging game so I decided to poke around his Twitter account to see if I could learn anything from someone who’s clearly been around the block a few times and knows what he’s talking about. He’s a dentist … or a “dental enthusiast” of some sort … so everything centers on that. I’m not even sure why he’s following me except that he probably accidentally typed ‘tits’ when he meant to type ‘teeth’ in the search field. It happens all the time. (Cough.)

Here’s what he tweeted not one, not two, but three times yesterday.

Dave says he’s just some poor dude obviously plagued with chronic halitosis. But I realized he’s so much more. The man is a genius and he’s just trying to mentor me. ME! Of all the blogging newbies out there, he picked ME!

Here at ODNT I don’t give anything back to you guys. You come here … hoping to save a dime … maybe find a bargain or two … and what do I do? I bore you with stories about two old brothers growing pot in their bathtub.

Shame. On. Me.

I want to make this right. So, I’m asking now that you please accept my most sincere apologies … and … this link to numerous Meow Mix cat food coupons!

Oh, and you can totally expect to get more of these babies in the future so keep checking in. Why should I waste time writing “quality” content when I can just share coupons?!!? Hell, if you keep reading this blog, you might actually be able to retire early.

Special thanks go out to my Tweeps who came to my rescue with supportive rebuttals to the dentist. Some of you even managed to get yourselves blocked from his account. If that’s not friendship (sniff) …