No! I do NOT have Munchausen’s Syndrome!

Remember that horrible woman from Sixth Sense who was secretly poisoning her daughter (Mischa Barton) with cleaning products in a pathetically sick effort to gain attention for herself? You do? Well, by the way, that is definitely not me.

But I do have one tiny confession to make.

My boy was home sick with me for the last two days. My thirteen year old boy. The one who will be changing schools in the fall to start high school. (Because here in New Orleans, many high schools begin in 8th grade. A fact I hate now more than ever.) And, while I’m certainly never happy to see him ailing or uncomfortable, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I savored every minute of our recently borrowed time together.

Dave was at work and my girl (also know as one of my appendages) was at school. It was just Dean and me. All of his friends were in class, there were no big games on TV and he was too tired to play XBox. So I actually had a shot at getting (and keeping) his attention. Which was awesome.

We had a great couple of days together, he and I. We talked a lot, indulged in a little comfort food and got in some real quality time with Milo and Herve. (For anyone just tuning in, that’s what we call the cat and the hamster in this family.) And we finally got a chance to watch the latest Men in Black installment. (Thanks, Amazon Instant Video.)

Then, I had another idea for a movie.

It’s hard to find one that Dean wants to see and I’m willing to watch or, more importantly, willing to let him watch. But then I remembered something that Dave and I had been kicking around for a while. From time to time, we like to expose our boy to an old classic … but it needs to be exciting … and maybe a little inappropriate … but not too inappropriate. And, if it’s going to be scary, it’s best that it feature a villain who can’t possibly exist in any of our daily lives. Except when we go on a beach vacation. (Can you hear the theme music in your head?)

Yep, you guessed it … Jaws.

And then, when we were done … Jaws 2.

Sure, I’ve probably completely screwed up any chance of him swimming in the ocean this summer … but since I am still unable to submerge myself in open water without becoming paralyzed in fear thanks to these merciless, maneating machines choose not to, what difference does it make?

I hadn’t seen either of these films in years. They’ve actually pretty well stood the test of time. Except that, perhaps in search of a more “real” feel for the scene, Spielberg and company apparently thought anyone was qualified for being scantily-clad on the beach. But remember … airbrush, exercise and plastic surgery weren’t so prevalent back then. And the world wasn’t so obsessed with youth.

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Seriously, this was probably one of the scariest scenes in the movie.

And there are still two more Jaws movies in queue waiting for our next mother and son adventure. Yes, I know they suck. I actually saw Jaws 3 (in 3-D) with Dennis Quaid back in the day. And the last one entitled Jaws 4 – The Revenge? Well, I think the preview speaks for itself.

But who cares? I can’t wait! The truth is … I’d do anything for this kid, with this kid and to be near this kid.

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I’m glad you’re feeling better, Dean. I’ll miss you today.


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15 responses to “No! I do NOT have Munchausen’s Syndrome!

  1. I love this and I know this feeling well! I enjoy any alone time I get with my girls. I take what I can get!

  2. Careful – if you make him watch Jaws 3, he’s just going to get sick again.
    Oh, and Best. Parenting. Ever.

  3. My Jaws watching experience completely backfired. I thought that (as you stated in this post) the villian was a SHARK, I wouldn’t have to worry about freaking her out. Unfortunately, she swore that Jaws was living down the drain in the tub and was just waiting for her to take a bath. I picked the Saw movies for our next mother/daughter movie marathon and she did just fine……you know I’m kidding, right?

  4. Perfect. Best use of sick time. You bet! You think Deliverance some day. Maybe not.

  5. Great! JUST GREAT! Now I’m going to have a nightmare about that old dude tonight.

    After my dad showed me that movie when I was 10 (my mom was out to dinner with friends), I swore Jaws was going to come up through the toilet, the shower, the sink, my aunt’s pool, or really anything with a drain. It was a rough summer. 🙂 And I still don’t go beyond my calves in the ocean or the music starts playing in my head. That and when I see a person on a yellow floating raft thing.

  6. Yay for sick kids! Oh wait. You know what I mean. Btw, Ry has an obsession with sharks. She loves them. Jason has watched it with her too many times to count. It started when is was out. Two Christmases ago she asked for the flying remote control shark so she could chase me around with it singing “dunna, dunna.” I’m pretty sure her love for the movie is because she thinks I’m scared of it. When in fact, I just thought *she* was too young to watch it and would have nightmares. Apparently, she doesn’t scare easily. For Halloween she was a zombie shark. Geezzz. Hope Dean gets to feeling better.

  7. Aw. I love when I get a little time with my 1st grader. I still have the 4yo home with me most days, so when Annie is home with just me, it’s a real treat for both of us. Until she throws a fit about something. But you know, it’s good until then. 😉

  8. I’m new here. I keep getting tweets to vote for you so I had to follow and with a name like “Old Dog, New Tits” how could I resist?! (I find that one of the cruelest jokes on Moms is giving them those fabulous boobs during pregnancy then taking them away. Why?!!!! Sob.)

    ANYWAY. I dread those days. I complain that my kids have to follow me EVERYWHERE and I try to remind myself that I will miss it terribly when it becomes uncool to hang out with me. I’m glad you got some QT with your boy. And high school that young?! Noooooooooo. 😦

  9. Haha totally love it! Best use of sick days!!!

  10. Call me next time !!! Jaws reminds me of the old Saturday Night Live gang.

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