Hey! Nickelodeon! Are you guys all in the shower? Pick up the phone!

Remember the email I sent to Nickelodeon last week? If not, click here to read it first. I can’t believe they haven’t responded. And I really can’t believe that I can’t believe it. Big corporations like this one disappoint me all the time. I guess they can’t all be Kleinpeter Dairy Farms, right?

Anyway, I think they underestimate the gum-stuck-to-the-bottom-of-your-shoe-even-after-you-curse-and-scrape-your-foot-repeatedly-on-the-curbishness that is me. Which is why I got out some paper … and an envelope … and a stamp for round two. It was exHAUSTing! And I wrote a letter and gave it to my MAILMAN! Meaning my letter was printed on actual paper and will be driven from New Orleans to NYC in a truck with that menacing eagle profile on it.

But, as usual, I digress. Here’s what I sent Nickelodeon today.

March 6, 2013

Nickelodeon / MTV Networks

1515 Broadway

New York, NY 10036

Dear Nickelodeon,

One week ago today, I emailed your company about a problem I had with one of the (bone-chillingly inappropriate) ads that ran during a Full House episode I was watching on your network with my young daughter. But you ignored me. Following that, I tweeted you about it, ad nauseum. Emphasis on nauseum. But you ignored me. Others who read my email, which I posted on my blog located at http://olddognewtits.com, also tweeted you about your error in judgment. But you ignored them.

For the record, although my above blog link appears here on this paper in blue and would seem like you could click it to view my original Nickelodeon post, you can’t. And do you know why? It’s because you’ve reduced me to SNAIL MAIL. I looked all over the internet for a better email address for your organization. But the general consensus that I found was that you, as a network, mustn’t really want to be in communication with your viewers because the primary method of contact offered for you is by mailman. I guess you think most people won’t take the time to type out a letter, print it, find an envelope and a stamp and then make the arduous journey to an old-fashioned mailbox.

But you underestimated the low-technology that is me, Nickelodeon. Sure, I’m writing you right now from my Mac laptop. But I’m typing just five feet away from one of the two fully operational VCRs still in my home. To tape shows that come into my house via basic (non-digital) cable. I still listen to FM radio in my car. I still use a top-loading washing machine. And I can still write a letter and send it to you by carrier pigeon a proud employee of the USPS.

And, this time, I want an answer.

For your convenience, in addition to this letter, I’ve also enclosed a copy of my original email since you obviously “never saw it.” Why am I still pursuing you? Because, just two nights ago, my daughter had another nightmare. And I’m wondering …

Where were YOU at one o’clock in the morning when she was awake and scared and crying about your crappy ad choice?

In summary, I work from home and can be a real pain in the ass when I’m ignored. Please respond … and tell me WHY you felt this ad was appropriate for child viewing … or that you’re SORRY … or that someone was FIRED. And then send me his or her picture. Remember, I’ll be posting this letter on the blog, too.

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to represent yourself instead of looking like an oily politician who evades the hard questions?

Michele Robert Poche

Clearly, Nickelodeon loves hearing from their viewers.

So you guys should feel free to call, email or write them as often as you like. Their Twitter handle is @NickelodeonTV. And I will so keep you posted.


42 responses to “Hey! Nickelodeon! Are you guys all in the shower? Pick up the phone!

  1. So if they ignore you, the next step is to come to NYC! I’ve checked out the address – it’s right by a truly awful tex-mex place, which (though in the middle of the tourist district) has closed. So drinks before/after is out of the question.

  2. OH! ODNT Jr. is STILL having nightmares from this? IT’S ON, Nickelodeon. I tweeted a few times, but I’m going to write my own little letter. Hope you hear back, and give Jr. a hug from me…and Mags. Maybe I should have Mags call? Hmmm…

  3. ugh, I cant believe they didnt answer!

  4. I have a whole folder on my computer for what I call “angry letters”. If Nick does not reply to your letter above, the next step is to locate names of the higher ups at Nickelodeon. Then, find e-mail addresses of anybody at Nickelodeon and try to figure out what the pattern in the e-mail address is. (for example, firstname.lastname@nick.com). Send your e-mail to every variation of the e-mail address you can. I did that to UPS and actually hit Michael Eskew’s desk (former CEO). I received a call the following morning at 9 am from corporate. I still use UPS. I did the same for Huggies diapers and received an e-mail reply from customer service agent #3277. I never bought another Huggies diaper again. Hell hath no fury like a mama on a mission. Caitlin (TheRoomMom)

  5. OMG…..

    You know, you may have luck going after your cable provider? I wonder if the same commercials are aired for everyone? Or is it specific to the location?

    Small Child was watching Ellen at 4:00pm when this doozie came on….I havent had enough time to write a letter yet….

    • Umm, that’s disgusting. Seriously, it made me put down the blob of cookie dough I was eating. You know,we could be on to something …

      And yes. You should definitely write a letter. Gross.

  6. If I worked for the network, I would personally drive out to your house to apologize (and shake your hand while offering you a job) after receiving this!

  7. Ok, I couldn’t even play the clip of the commercial because it was too scary. But I used to work in that building and the mail room is bigger than my house, so it may take a little while to hear back….keep us posted!!!!

  8. A form letter to the FCC that we all could email in would be great! Those commercials as so not appropriate for young eyes.

  9. sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms

    That. Is. Awful. Go get ’em Tiger. Ellen

  10. UFF… I get nightmares from watching these commercials of horror movies, and I’m 26 years old. I also change the channel and absolutely do not think it’s appropriate to air this commercial on a children’s channel. I’m going to tweet Nick now. What ridiculousness!

  11. Awww that stinks. I would do a follow up to whomever would be over their head. 😉 ~TALU

  12. Well done letter. The only thing i would have added would be more demands. In addition to an explanation, I would also want a year’s supply of Girls Scout cookies (I don’t care how they get them, they are a kids network, so I assume they have connections). I would also demand an on-air apology and every season of Clarissa Explains it all on VHS AND Beta. (Might as well make them work for it.)

    Good luck and keep us posted! Let us know if we need to go in for reinforcements. However, if I’m called in for assistance, i will require partial payment in Girl Scout cookies.

    • Only if it’s Thin Mints. Oooh, or those chocolate peanut butter ones. Except those only come, like, 12 to a box. I guess it’s because of the custom plastic cookie-dividing apparatus necessary to protect their delicate top covering. Still, what a rip.

      Okay, here’s the new deal. If they want to pay us in cookies, they can do it. But if it’s the peanut butter kind, they need to double the payout.

  13. I want to know if anything happens. Not having an email address? What is this the 70s? What modern day corporation doesn’t have some form of communication with the world outside of its offices?

    • I thought it was a little odd, too. My guess is they get a deluge of mail and are trying to cut back on all the garbage. The trouble is … not all feedback is garbage.

  14. Great letter! Hope you get a response this time. Thanks for linking this up with the TALU!

  15. You get them! The worst thing is they don’t care, don’t let them ignore you, do it for the little people! Actually this is why I don’t have cable, we have Roku and you can watch Full House through both Netflix and Amazon Prime, maybe you should put your money where your mouth is? That’s not a threat 🙂 It’s a suggestion. Say no to commercials, after all Nick is paid TV why do they get to double dip and get evil commercials too???

  16. I think that Viacom owns Nickelodeon.

    Main Telephone:
    (212) 258-6000

    Toll Free:
    (800) 516-4399

    Executive Name Title Job Function
    Philippe P. Dauman Chief Executive Officer
    James Barge Chief Financial Officer
    Carl D. Folta Executive Vice President, Corporate Communications
    Thomas E. Dooley Chief Operating Officer
    Scott Mills Executive Vice President, Human Resources
    Michael D. Fricklas Executive Vice President
    James Bombassei Senior Vice President, Investor Relations Investor Relations/Analyst Contact, Shareholder Relations
    DeDe Lea Executive Vice President
    Wade Davis Senior Vice President
    Carla D. Folta Executive Vice President of Corporate Communications
    Jacques Tortoroli Senior Vice President President, Chief Executive Officer
    Philippe Dauman President, Chief Executive Officer
    Denise White Vice President President
    Doug Herzog President President
    Van Toffler President President
    Cyma Zarghami President
    Sumner M. Redstone Director
    Shari Redstone Director
    George S. Abrams Director
    Alan C. Greenberg Director
    Robert K. Kraft Director
    Blythe J. McGarvie Director
    Charles E. Phillips, Jr. Director
    Frederic V. Salerno Director

    • Oh, my God! You are hysterical. I wish I could afford to hire you! 🙂

      Spoiler – I spoke with a representative of the network today. Here’s hoping we get a proper response soon.

  17. Reading this has been good motivation for me. I was watching something at 9am with my 2 year old daughter & a commercial came on for a video game where Luigi sucks up ghosts with a vacuum thingy. While not anywhere near an Exorcist movie preview, she was scared & his her face. Is morning time when video game players are in school an appropriate time for that? I have issues with these movie previews anyway, if we don’t CHOOSE to go see the movies because they freak us out why do we have to SEE the awful demonic children in our homes? Whatever happened to intriguing people by NOT showing everything. Shitty movies. But I digress, maybe they need to take a closer look at their ads as a whole and maybe I’ll say something too since I finally feel like I’m not alone in that!

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