Book Learnin’ is for the Birds

Anyone remember I wrote a post I wrote recently about how I’m the one pulling up the rear in my book group? Oh, stop giggling. It just means I’m the weakest link … the lame duck … the caboose, if you will. And I suppose the illiterate apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Allow me to elaborate.

I volunteered at my children’s school book fair today and invited both of my kids to come visit during their recesses today so I could get them a little something while I was there with my credit card. Which reminds me … Parents, for the love of Scholastic, please give your kids enough money for these fundraising events. If I had a nickel for every kid we had to spot a little money, well … actually, if I had all those nickels, we probably wouldn’t have had a problem in the first place. But I digress.

As I was saying, me no read books. I mean … I should read books. I almost always like it when I do. But I still don’t. At least not unless I’m provoked. And today my kids took a page from the book of their mother. (Geez. That’s an ironic statement, isn’t it?)

In a library full of uplifting coming-of-age stories, exciting young adult novels and other timeless literary classics, let’s take a look at what we came home with from the BOOK fair today, shall we?


1. The Requisite Kitten Poster. In my day, “Hang in There” was about all we had. And it came on cheap, thin magazine paper folded into four squares. Not the high quality poster-thickness of “Cupcake Cutie.” We’ll have this one (gulp) for years.

2. A Yellow Highlighter. Duh, because it’s shaped like a candy-flavored lipgloss. AND because it’s lemon-scented. Me: Vivien, we already have a MILLION highlighters at home. Her: Not like THIS awesome one. Ours are sooooo boring. Pleeeeeeese.

3. An Eraser. Shaped like a $20 bill. Yes, it’s stupid. Yes, we already have a million. But, the fact is, we make A LOT of mistakes around here. So I succumbed.

4. MORE Erasers. Okay, now I’m just being stupid, right? But (hello???) did I mention that they were shaped like tiny plungers and toilets? YES way! Naturally, I bought three.


5. 2013 Guinness Book of World Records. “What? I am so getting books. See, Mama?”

6. Ramen Noodle Cookbook. I could blame it on the kids. I should blame it on the kids. But, seriously … there is a picture of Ramen Noodle SMORES on the front cover! Plus the book was only $10. That’s, like, one hundred packs of Ramen. WHY would I get the book? Seems like the question should be why would I NOT get the book?


Well, at least if they’re not at Harvard Medical School, they’ll know how to feed themselves. Even if it’s just Ramen Pepperoni & Cheese Casserole.

* * * * * * * * * *

Haven’t linked up with Ketchup yet? What’s keeping you?

Anticipation … anticipation is making me wait. (You people are all probably too young to get that reference. Sigh)


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13 responses to “Book Learnin’ is for the Birds

  1. That Ramen Noodle book might come in handy when they’re college aged or in their twenties and it’s all they can afford:)

  2. i remember helping out at these Book Fairs when Ryan was in Elementary School. We would get the Librarian to get extra coin for all the kids who were always a few cents short. I always enjoyed volunteering at Ryan’s school, especially the Book Fairs. Love the erasers you bought. 😀

  3. I cringe at the Ramen s’mores!!! But hysterically laugh at the poster. I tortured my parents every year with a new one. Puppies, kittens, and those weird ones that you have to stare at crosseyed to figure out what they are.

  4. modmomelleroy

    I want the toilet/plunger erasers – that’s Tanktastic! It’s funny, isn’t it? We came home with SpongeBob books and the requisite Guinness Book is a mainstay here; eschewing all manner of “substantial” books, whatever they are. I don’t read as many books as I’d like to or should either. There’s too much good stuff to read here on the interwebs.

  5. They have Ramen cookbooks? And all this time I’ve been making up my own recipes for those dirt-cheap packets of delicious noodles! Where can I find one of these “school book fairs”?

    I’m thinking you could use that lip gloss highlighter on the noodles before cooking them… adds a little lemon flavor, right?

    It’s nice to ketchup with you here. I’ve been away for a while and found myself missing your daily dumbassery. Thanks for your ongoing fun, humor, insights, and for just being your wonderful self.

    • Holy shit, it’s Brian! Does Guapo know you’re here? I thought maybe you’d given up on electricity and were living in the woods somewhere making your own soap out of tree bark.

      Okay. THAT was a weird comment on my part. I decided to just let my brain wander. In honor of your return. 🙂

      Welcome back. Please sit and stay a while.

      • I’ve been catching up with Guapo too. I wasn’t in the woods shunning electricity, but sometimes I wish I were. Full-time camper/wanderer/wilderness dwelling wild man sounds like a fun occupation. I’m just not sure the pay and benefits are up to par.

        I wandered away from ODNT when you were still contemplating the weighty question of whether to get new boobs, and you’d just had the unwelcome lump removed from your lung. Now I see you’ve moved into all kinds of dumbassery. It’s nice be back.

  6. I remember eating enough Ramen in collage to never want to see it again ever. I had all the classics, Cheesy Ramen, Spaghetto, Double Seasoning Packet Surprise, Vegetable Raman and the old stand by Plain. Also, my roommate used to eat it dry, right out of the packet. Because he was crazy. And also probably on meth.

  7. I’m afraid of the Ramen s’more. That toilet eraser would make Tuck laugh for HOURS. He’d never get any of that book learnin’ done in the school house.
    And Mags gave the kitty poster a great big AWWWWWWWWW!!! 🙂

  8. I would pay serious cash for the toilet/plunger deals and the ramen noodle book. My teenager and I love that stuff.

  9. :-)) this is hilarious. I love each separate item and the combination of ear plug shaped eraser with the kitty card and the Ramen Noodle cook book. Awesome!

  10. Omg, are you kidding me? A Ramen cookbook? Hmmm, might have to get this for child #1 when he goes off to college in th fall. Teehee!
    Thanks for linking this up with the TALU!

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