In response to Mama Kat’s weekly writing prompt: List ten things you are afraid of.
I love lists. And I can think of a list of reasons why I love them. But number one is that I can work in small chunks. Which I think is how you’re also supposed to chew. But who has time for that? Chewing is so 1999. Anyway, I’m all over the place with this one. Some are funny, some are serious … but all of them are real. So here they are. In, of course, no particular order.
My Ten Biggest Fears (or the first ten that came to me in the bathroom this morning) …
1. Roaches. Especially the big ones. Their wiggly antennae, their unpredictable ability to fly, even the crunch of their exoskeletons once extinguished. I have yet to understand their purpose.
2. Milo. When I know he’s pissed at me for some sort of human-on-cat infraction and I’m walking to my bed through a quiet, darkened bedroom. Ankles exposed. And I see him waiting for me under the bed.
3. My reflection in the bathroom in the middle of the night. Because of all the stupid urban legends about Bloody Mary and other demonic possessions who live inside the mirror from my youth.
4. The dude from Scream. I’ve had one too many vivid images of him slipping quietly into my side door when I’m home alone and dumb enough to take out the garbage after dark.
5. Swimming in open water. I’m absolutely positive I will be eaten.
6. My babies moving away to college. And never coming back.
7. And while I’m on the subject … my kids getting hurt in any way. I witnessed a terrible accident involving a child when I was a child myself. And I just … can’t … shake … it.
8. Large, bitey dogs. Or cats, possum, rodents, anything with a pulse really. No matter how many times people tell me they’re more afraid of me. I cry bullshit on that one. (See number 1, 2 & 5.)
9. Besides the legacy of my kids … of course … missing my chance to really leave my mark in this world. It’s still coming, you know.
10. Getting fat. (I’m going to make light of the eating disorder I dabbled in as a youth with this picture. And I’m sorry. It’s probably the most un-PC thing I’ve ever posted. But if Courtney Cox and Gwyneth Paltrow can get away with it … then, damn it, why can’t I?)
a dark bathroom, I’d rather pee in a cup!
I’m still scared of the dark AND of the boogie man under the bed, which is why I can’t sleep with a limb hanging off the bed AND have to have at least a sheet over me, no matter how FREAKING HOT my husband keeps the house in the summer, as a shield of protection.
I understand the limb hanging over the bed thing more than you will ever know, my friend. More than you will ever know.
I’ll say Number 4 is my whole list of 10.
I can relate to almost all of these. (I don’t have a bed creeping Milo in my house)
Especially the kids getting hurt. But my fear of the unknown in the waters beneath me keep me from swimming in the oceans. I’m an ankle deep wave jumper. And I always worry if I see someone (a stranger mind you) swimming very far out when I’m at the beach. I find myself keeping my eye on them…nervous until they come back to their senses and are ankle deep like me.
Also, your sidebar looks great. “The chocolate to my cheese.” SO true. 🙂
I love the picture of Milo, I totally understand your fear!
I am scared of anything that buzzes near my head, but in my defence, I live in Japan where there are giant hornets with venom that can dissolve human tissue.
#5 sounds utterly harrowing 😦 Sorry you had to see that (whatever it was) 😦
My biggest fear (and here’s some personal growth) is no longer the idea that I’ll never be able to have children *phew* instead it’s for Husby’s safety when he’s feeling particularly depressed, which is possibly slightly worse.
If you like lists, I’d love to invite you to join in with Ten Things of Thankful next weekend – it would be awesome to see you there
My children scare me the most: Their superpower is knowing the most dangerous, expensive, breakable item in any room and immediately finding and destroying it. I also fear their hurting themselves, each other and worst of all hurting me 🙂 and yes, moving far away when their older. Although I have to tip my hat to my teenager, his teen years have been SO VERY painful that my fear of that ebbed a little. I think it’s all part of the natural human circle of life or something.
Looking at the picture, I would like to add your cat to the list of things I’m afraid of. Yikes.
I wish I could say his meow is worse than his bite. But I would be lying, Joy. LYING!
Funny!!! I too am deathly afraid of roaches — I live in Florida. Need I say more? Those fuckers can FLY! And swimming in open water. Or in knee deep water. Or the tub. After Jaws, I wouldn’t even take a bath. I’m also afraid of my child getting hurt, but not nearly as afraid as I am of sharks and roaches or flying sharks and swimming roaches. I can’t see Sharknado.
Okay girl! First off- we missed each other at Blogher! Cue the sad face!!! You are one of the most funniest bloggers so next year, we need to meet!!! This post as usual is hysterical! #2 is the best! Scream freaked me the heck out! I had nightmares for month!!!