The Day I Saw The Conjuring (aka The Day I Nearly Peed My Pants in Chicago)

By now, I think most of you know I went to the BlogHer conference in Chicago last weekend with my friend, Mel. We had a very memorable experience, complete with a great many noteworthy events. Among them? THE CONJURING. (Thanks to Grace Hill Media.)

Why did I just force myself to re-watch this trailer? Why? Why would I do that so close to my bedtime?!!? (Shuddering, shaking off the creepy imagery and taking a deep breath) Thanks to our so-precious-I-wanted-to-put-him-in-my-purse concierge, we were lucky enough to see it at the ICON Theatre where things like 40-ounce bottles of Blue Moon and bacon popcorn are served.

Yes. I said BACON. Which I’m pretty sure means “love” in Ancient Greek.

Now drunk anesthetized, bloated satiated and ready hyperventilating, we walked into the theater and took our seats. And damn if every preview wasn’t for a different horror movie. (Way to warm us up, ICON.)

And then it began.

I don’t think I’ve seen an R-rated horror movie in a decade. (Who am I kidding? As a mom, I barely break away from PG. Scary = Cruella DeVille) This film doesn’t give you a break for even a minute. And the fact that it is based (not loosely, it claims) on a very REAL story kept me on the edge of my seat … fine, on the edge of Mel’s lap … the entire time.

I’m not joking.

I’ve never had another woman (except my own mother) protect me from harm more than Mel did that day. She knows how I struggle with disturbing imagery. Profoundly. How it haunts me during the night and in my dreams, should I actually fall asleep. Let’s just say her hand and my eyes became very well acquainted. But I still managed to see some of it. And hear ALL of it. Sometimes that can even be worse.

Truth? There are a few scenes I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to shake. Ever. The story is about ghost hunters Ed & Lorraine Warren researching the terrifying events that took place at the Perron home in the 1970s. The family had five children. Five. Little. Girls. (I’m shaking my head.) I hate that kids were involved. The demonic apparitions there were so very vengeful and bloodthirsty. They literally chilled my bones. And it was obvious everyone around me felt exactly the same way. Throughout the entire film, the audience had two settings:

1. Staring wide-eyed and whisper-quiet without blinking or even breathing at the screen … OR …
2. Gasping, shouting and screaming involuntarily at the heinous and mounting displays of otherworldly evil

I won’t give it away.

I can’t give it away.

Oh, but I so want to warn you when not to look. But that’s not my job. I’m just so freakin’ glad Mel didn’t feel that way.

DO I RECOMMEND THE MOVIE? Well, yes. I do. As long as you can tolerate the fear. Or maybe if you have a wonderfully protective friend like Mel. Why is this one so different? For me, I think it can all be summed by the quote at the end of the movie.

“Diabolical forces are formidable. These forces are eternal, and they exist today. The fairy tale is true. The devil exists. God exists. And for us, as people, our very destiny hinges upon which one we elect to follow.” – Ed Warren

I swallowed hard when I read those words on the screen and wanted to head directly to the nearest church. I’m totally serious. It was, if you will, a helluva story. And from everything I read after seeing the film, the Perron family is completely pleased with the finished product. This story just resonated a little too close with me.

Or maybe it’s just because I kept thinking about Annabelle …

… and how much she looks like the 100-year-old doll my grandmother gave me as a child.

Cue creepy music. Fade to black.