As many of you already know, Mel and I just finished one of our most entertaining product promotions to date. We each got to test drive a pair of state-of-the-art noise cancellation headphones manufactured by Monster Products. The product was superior, our contacts professional and you guys … well, what can I say? We really had some fun with this one, didn’t we?

But they can’t all be this easy, right?

Of course, right.

For those of you who don’t know, I have a personal policy whereby I will not write a negative review. It’s not in my nature. (FYI, I’m only talking about when someone asks me to test their product. If I try it independently and hate it … well, then you’re on your own.) Typically, when a contracted product sampling goes wrong, I write the company and share my findings. Kindly and gently. I apologize for my negative opinion and offer to terminate our arrangement. The company is usually appreciative of my offer and we go our separate ways. End of story.

Moving on …

So I came home from Chicago last month with a elephantine quantity of products samples and other swag. I had so many goodies in my purposefully-only-half–full-on-the-trip-up suitcase that SouthWest (yes, I’m naming names) said I had to remove 7 pounds of it or I would be charged a $75 penalty. I’d planned for this moment. I reached into my suitcase and pulled out my bag of C-list items (heavy and not very valuable) and plopped it onto the counter. “Merry Christmas,” I mumbled to the ticket agent and walked off toward security.

When I got home, I shoved all of the swag bags over into the corner of my bedroom. They’d have to wait until my kids were back in school. Which is now.

Let the product testing begin! (Did you hear the gong?)

For whatever reason, I started with protein powder. I have no idea why. I guess I was feeling hungry. Or anemic. And I didn’t feel like eating anything with gluten, dairy and soy. (Yes. Of course, I’m kidding.) So I reached for my envelope of protein powder. And I’m not listing the product name here. You’ll see why in a minute. (To all of my friends who attended the conference with me, you know what it is. Let’s not out these poor folks on the internet. Chuckle to yourselves, please.)

Here’s how it went.

It took great concentration to swallow the contents of my glass. Then, I immediately began texting a few friends and family members about the whole unsavory experience.

The clip I was referencing in my text to Dave was this one. It’s a family favorite. And, in this example, Newman = me.

Unfortunately, the real kicker here is that they’re giving away a trip to a resort destination in Florida to one lucky reviewer. And they’re even throwing in a spa credit. A SPA CREDIT!!! Damn my stupid taste buds. This one really hurts.

Think I could still win with a BAD review?