Cats | OldDogNewTits

There are a great many writers with whom I’ve become connected through challenges like Trifecta, One Hundred Word Song and Finding the Funny. We all try to support each other by reading and critiquing each other’s work and, when possible, offering ideas of our own to inspire further composition. Recently, one of these writers created his own version of Mad Libs (my title, not his) where each participant was given his or her own set of guidelines, drawn from a hat of ideas.

These were my parameters for this entry:

Object #1 – Camera
Object #2 – Photo
Location – NYC 2112
Plot – I am Milo! (Get it? Milo is the last cat… like ‘I Am Legend, the Will Smith remake.)
Genre – Romantic Comedy
Word count – 500 words exactly

I may have stretched the interpretation of “romantic comedy” a bit here and I’m not too comfortable with science fiction so I’ve never even seen I Am Legend. Still, if you like it, Mr. Brain Tomahawk, then my work here is done.

I think this post might just be nominated for a Blogger’s Razzie …

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Rats, Cats & Flying Automobiles

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The year was 2112 … and the planet had undergone a major structural transformation. In the newly three-tiered world, a frightened cat roamed the streets of what was New York City, located on the middle level of society now known as Terra. Constantly plagued by the buzzing of the colonies above and beneath him, Milo knew he must fight to stay alive using only his feline wits and his filthy, road-weary paws. He wanted to hide but knew he must be found … but by the right colonization … before it was too late.

Located miles above the Earth’s surface, Supra was a community of humans living in hovering structures kept aloft by a synthetic chemical (colloquially called Airborne) found in a Polaroid photograph. Thought to be a useless relic until this groundbreaking discovery many years ago, the Polaroid camera (for the second time in its history) became an overnight sensation and the most sought-after product on the planet in 2012.

Located miles beneath the Earth’s surface, Infra was a community of rats who, because of a mutated virus contracted from years of sewer dwelling, were able to reproduce at an increasingly alarming rate. Challenged with overcrowding in their subterranean environment, the rodents began coming above ground in search of new species with which to expand and diversify their monolithic population. NY Times Staff Writer Stu Pidass wrote “Romantic Comedy? No, it’s a Romantic Tragedy that these overly amorous rodents will soon be taking over our fair planet!”

Terrified by the aggressive vermin, humans fled to the skies to create a super community, taking all of their loved ones and worldly possessions with them. One such family, the descendants of the illustrious Phineas P. Polaroid, rose to great wealth and celebrity in the wake of this crisis. The Polaroids saw fame the likes of which they hadn’t experienced in over a century. They had everything they could have ever wanted, except for their beloved family cat, Milo.

Consumed with a crippling greed in 2012 (the pinnacle of the Great Rat Crisis), the Polaroids stayed back on ground-level Earth in a desperate attempt to take the money of every last inhabitant. “Hurry … before the price of Airborne goes sky high!” “The rat problem is sky rocketing. Get Airborne today!” AND “Relax … and get your head in the clouds … with Airborne!” were just a few of the ad campaigns used to sell their product amidst the hysteria.

In their effort to reach every possible buyer, they themselves became the last remaining humans on what was already being called Terra. Thus, their evacuation was done with such urgency that many things deemed valuable to the family were left behind, most notably Milo.

Now, with all the vegetation and resources on Terra rapidly dying out, Milo’s days were numbered. The rats had already crafted their plan to bring him down below and make him their own. The humans were planning their rescue to take him up safely to higher ground. Only one question remained … Who would reach him first?

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