day one | OldDogNewTits

For a quick explanation of my shenanigans, click here.

Today’s Weight – 122.4

I am somewhere between 5’3″ and 5’4.” I am not a crazy person. Well, mostly not a crazy person. I would love to be 115 pounds for Christmas. Do I expect to reach that goal during this five-day experiment? Probably not. I’m weak and it’s only five days. Still, I figured any weight I could shave off BEFORE the onslaught of holiday gluttony is a good thing, right? Of course right.

First things first, Vanessa (my dieting partner in crime and Ethel to my Lucy) and I needed to make a grocery run. I haven’t had baby food in the house in years. And, if there’s one thing I can attest to so far with this diet, it’s that it will make you laugh. Your ass off. Ever since we hatched this scheme over lunch yesterday, we’ve laughed so hard in the planning and research process that we can barely breathe. Like when we found this comment among the long list on DietsInReview.com …

Says Vanessa: “Michele! Oh, my God! We are starving the babies!”

Fine. Maybe she had a point. But Earth’s Best Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal looked like one of the best ones. You snooze, you lose, babies.

We both drew the line at this gelatinous silly putty. I don’t even remember my kids liking it back in the day. Although I do recall our old cat, Toby, giving it a big thumbs up. Honestly, Vanessa and I were floored at how much we had to buy to cover our daily intake. Here’s what I brought home so far for (what I think will cover) three of the five days.

Still don’t think I’m for real? Here’s how the initial taste test went down.

For the record, Milo is totally into it. He digs the sound of the jar opening and the smell. Coincidence?

I’m logging everything into the ‘My Fitness Pal’ app on my phone. Here’s how the day went:

9:22am – Gerber Bananas (6 oz., 140 calories)
10:00am – Circuit Training (25 minutes)
11:53am – Earth’s Best Organic Spaghetti and Cheese (6 oz., 90 calories)
12:00pm – Earth’s Best Organic Corn & Butternut Squash (4 oz., 70 calories)
12:15pm – Gerber Maple Waffle Wheels (3 pieces, 25 calories)
1:45pm – Gerber Vanilla Custard Pudding Bananas (3.5 oz., 110 calories)
2:30pm – Gerber Banana Cream Waffle Wheels (3 pieces, 25 calories)
3:20pm – Gerber Apples & Bananas with Mixed Cereal (6 oz., 110 calories)
4:00pm – Diet Coke (With the kids at the local frogurt shop. To stave off a headache. And possibly a murder.)
5:00pm – Gerber Maple Waffle Wheels (3 pieces, 25 calories)
6:15pm – Gerber Spaghetti in Tomato Sauce with Beef (6 oz., 180 calories)
6:17pm – Beech Nut Butternut Squash (4 oz., 45 calories)
6:19pm – Beech Nut Apples & Bananas (4 oz., 50 calories)
7:17pm – Gerber Banana Cream Waffle Wheels (3 pieces, 25 calories)
10:09pm – Gerber Banana Cream Waffle Wheels (3 pieces, 25 calories)
10:12pm – Earth’s Best Plum, Banana & Brown Rice (4 oz., 80 calories)

Total calories for the day – 1000 (Tomorrow I’ll aim for more. Today was totally whack.)

Things We’ve Learned and/or Questioned Along the Way

Heating all “meats” and vegetables goes a long way toward improving the taste.
The same goes for herbs and spices. (But no sugar or salt!)
Diet Coke is okay. After all, I’ve seen parents put soda in baby bottles. (Well, no. I didn’t say good parents.)
We take chewing and teeth for granted. (Gerber Graduate Waffle Wheels can get you through this need.)
If babies follow this diet so strictly, why are they so soft and chubby? Is it a working out issue?
Salt is a delicious food that we should create a holiday to celebrate.

Oh, and I have a question. I made ALL of my baby food for Dean, my first child, and (cough) one batch for Viv, my second. That said, the banana baby food I made for Dean was simply one mushed-up banana in a bowl. Using that logic, is there any reason I can’t eat a banana on this diet? Please lock in your vote … now. I’m hungry.