Tag Archives: el guano

Death Takes A Holiday – Part 3 (for Trifecta)

For this week’s Trifecta challenge, I’m teaming up with two of my favorite writers to bring you a spooktacular (yes, I said spooktacular) Halloween trilogy. Our  instructions are simple.  Create a story between 33 and 333 words using the 3rd definition of the following word:

1a : a permanent cessation of all vital functions : the end of life
b : an instance of dying <a disease causing many deaths>
2a : the cause or occasion of loss of life <drinking was the death of him>
b : a cause of ruin <the slander that was death to my character — Wilkie Collins>
3 capitalized : the destroyer of life represented usually as a skeleton with a scythe

And, before you read any further, I will explain that my entry represents the third and final installment of this story. Thus, I strongly encourage you to read Part 1 (penned by my friend, Mel at AccordingToMags) and Part 2 (penned by the incomparable El Guapo) before mine. Only then can my entry be best appreciated. Enjoy!

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Death Takes A Holiday – Part 3

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Death and George crowded into the restaurant while Nausea headed over to the bar. “I can do some real damage in there. They’re running a tequila special,” he called out, running ahead of the other two.

“Dimwitted dilettante,” Death condescended under his noxious breath. George laughed, remembering a time when his old friend had that same insatiable glimmer in his apocalyptic eye. “Why are you smiling, George?” Death asked, as the hostess escorted them to their usual booth. “Are you amused by his enthusiasm … or have I unintentionally entertained you in some way?”

“Don’t you remember?” George began. “There were none more eager than you. But now … CPR, defibrillators, the Heimlich Maneuver. Why have you allowed these measures to interrupt your delicate work?” George was just getting started when the waitress interrupted him. “Good evening, gentlemen. Will anyone else be joining you?” Nausea was now bellying up to his third victim since they’d arrived. “No. Just the two of us,” answered Death, matter of-factly. “And we’d like to start with a couple of glasses of Richebourg Grand Cru.”

“Yes, of course, sir. Are we celebrating anything special?” she asked. “Yes,” answered Death. “My friend and I are celebrating my first holiday. A day off for Death. Do you know there’s no way you can die today, young lady?”

“I beg your pardon?” she stammered.

“I said that you cannot die today.” Death explained. “There is nothing you or anyone else can do to make that happen. Do you understand?”

Mouth agape, she managed, “I’ll be right back with your drinks,” then turned too quickly directly into a busboy and the business end of the steak knife he was carrying.

Death rolled his eyes. He placed his hand on her bleeding abdomen. “I said nothing,” he reiterated, clearly vexed at the need to prove himself. He removed his hand from her now unscathed stomach and returned to his seat.

“Wow,” said George. “I’m impressed. I didn’t think you had it in you.”

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No one has ever called me Sunshine-y before. Ever.

Greetings, ODNT-ites!

                                   … ODNT-ers?

                                                      … ODNT-ians?

Okay, I can’t even say that last one. And they all sound awful. So, I guess the first order of business for this post is to pick a name for you guys. In the past, I’ve used ODNT citizens, but I think it makes me sound like a pompous ass and we can do better. So, I’m now taking suggestions for a new name for you guys. If I get enough of them, I’ll put it up for … yep, you guessed it … a vote. We haven’t listed a poll here in a while. (This information was recently called to my attention by fellow blogger, The Cowardly Feminist. Vesta, here’s hoping we can come up with another one for you soon.)
Oh, yeah … the real purpose of this post? I was nominated for the Sunshine Award by Poetry by the Clueless, a new writer with whom I’ve recently become acquainted, so I want to send a big ‘Thank You’ her way. And, just as Miss America has duties and obligations she must fulfill, this award comes with responsibilities that I must carry out if I want to retain my crown.
Here are the rules for this award:

1) Include the award logo in a post or in your blog.
2) Answer 10 questions about yourself.
3) Nominate 10 to 12 other fabulous bloggers.
4) Link your nominees to the post and comment on their blog to let them know they are nominated.
5) Share the love and link the person who nominated you.

And here are my answers to these random questions:

Favorite color: For what? Clothes? Black. My hair? Red, sometimes unnaturally. Bedroom walls? Purple-y blue. Pregnancy tests? It depends on the brand. (I’ll let you have fun interpreting that one.)

Favorite number: Who the heck has a favorite number? Sports freaks? Whatever. I’ll go with 2, the number of cute, little rats living in my home and depending on me daily. (Don’t tell my kids I called them rats.)

Favorite animal: If I don’t say Milo, he’ll kick my ass. So, I guess I have to go with pissy orange male tabbys who think it’s okay to clamp down on me occasionally when my guard is down (i.e., I’m sleeping). Off the record, I’m a big hippo fan. I have no real reason why. I guess I’ve just always had a soft spot for those little chubsters. (Don’t tell Milo I said that.)

Favorite non-alcoholic drink: Water. No, I’m not kidding. It’s one of my healthiest habits. (Don’t tell Milk I said that.)

Prefer Facebook or Twitter: Twitter. (Screw it. You can tell Facebook. They keep rearranging the furniture on me.)

My Passion: My kids, writing and eating cheese. (I should probably be spending my days writing about my kids eating cheese.)

Prefer giving or getting presents: Duh. Getting them. Who am I, Mother Teresa? (Wow. I sound like such a jerk. Don’t tell anyone I said that.)

Favorite pattern: None. Unless it’s for my young daughter’s wardrobe, you will never see me seeking out stripes, polka dots, paisleys or any other hideous print. Bleech. (Don’t tell Katy Perry. My opinion means the world to her and it would absolutely kill her.)

Favorite day of the week: Thursday. It’s like Christmas Eve … or a Wedding Rehearsal Dinner. It’s the preamble to the big event. I love the anticipation. (Don’t tell Sunday. He thinks he’s my favorite.)

Favorite flower: I mostly think they’re a huge waste of money but I do have a few favorites based sheerly on their scents – roses, gardenias and Casablanca Lilies. (I’m not sure who you shouldn’t tell here, but surely there’s someone who should remain in the dark on this one.)

And here are the bloggers I am nominating for this award. I ranked them according to their taste for shellfish:
  1. According to Mags
  2. El Guapo
  3. Honest Mom
  4. My Blog can Beat Up Your Blog
  5. Momsicle Blog
  6. Backpacking Dad
  7. Pajamas & Coffee
  8. My Convertible Life
  9. With a Little Love and Luck
  10. Naked Girl in a Dress
  11. Honey Badger Just Don’t Care
  12. Musings from a Workaholic

I’ve connected with each and every one of these people on at least one occasion. Some have heard from me dozens of times and may have already applied to get new, unlisted web addresses. In any event, one thing I’ve learned while writing my own blog is that there are a great many witty, clever, sensitive, crazy, daring people out there. Last August, I jumped right into this crazy pool with both feet. And, at this point in the game, I think I’ve learned to keep my head above water and am now working on my breast stroke. (Get it? Yeah, I had to go there.)

Have a great week!