Tag Archives: trilogy

Nine Ways Teenagers Are Just Like Sharknado

Posted on July 16, 2015 | 2 comments

The big release of Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! is July 22, 2015. That’s tomorrow! It’s the third installment in what will now be one of the most ~~epic~~ …. ~~groundbreaking~~ … ~~monumental~~ … oh, I give up. It’s the third one. And, if you have even one frail, osteoporosis-inflicted funny bone in your body, you should tune in.

My daughter, Viv, and I couldn’t be more excited. We’ll probably watch it dressed as our favorite characters. Eating sushi and shark-themed snacks. With some kind of blood red beverage. Of course.

Oh, and speaking of my daughter, recently turned 13, do you guys realize I am now the parent of TWO teenagers?!!? (Bring on Wally World.) And as I was thinking about Sharknado 3, and my kids, an idea came to me for a blog post. And thus was born ….

Nine Ways Teenagers Are Just Like Sharknado

1. At any moment, you could have your head bitten off.

Without warning.

2. Everything just so, so, so messy … almost all of the time.

Blood? Please. I wish blood was the only mess they made. Sharks ain’t got nothing on teenagers.

3. The dialogue is usually some of the most ridiculous you’ve ever heard.

Seriously, you couldn’t write this stuff if you tried. Except for Sharknado. Because people are writing it. And getting paid for it. (pausing to think, which explains the faint smell of smoke around my head) Wonder if they’d hire my kids.

4. Second chances are always available as a safety net.

Don’t like the football team? Try the basketball team. Failed the math test? Ask about extra credit. Swallowed by a shark? A friend can cut you out with a chainsaw. Problem solved.

5. You’re often asked, nay expected, to do something quite difficult that you’ve never actually done before.

Like reverse bungee jumping, Latin conjugation or landing an imperiled plane being attacked by flying sharks.

6. Absurd characters make cameos in your day-to-day life.

And while none of them is Andy Dick or Billy Ray Cyrus, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if someone like Rodrick or Patty Farrell from the Wimpy Kid series suddenly walked through my door one day.

7. Like sharks, I’m almost positive that teenagers are also bisectable by chain saw.

Although technically, I am only guessing on this one.

8. You shouldn’t try to make sense of anything that is happening around you.

It’s best just to plant your feet firmly and deal with the problems (or flying sharks) as they’re thrown at you.

9. The best advice to give a teenager (and a Sharknado viewer) is always the same.

Don’t take everything so seriously. It’s just supposed to be fun.

Can’t wait!

I don’t think I’ve been this excited since I learned you could fry cheese, you guys!

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! World Premiere

Wednesday, July 22 9/8c

SyFy Network

2 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged andy dick, billy ray cyrus, ian ziering, patty farrell, rodrick, sharknado 3, syfy network, tara reid, teenagers, trilogy, wimpy kid series

Death Takes A Holiday – Part 3 (for Trifecta)

Posted on October 10, 2012 | 26 comments

For this week’s Trifecta challenge, I’m teaming up with two of my favorite writers to bring you a spooktacular (yes, I said spooktacular) Halloween trilogy. Our instructions are simple. Create a story between 33 and 333 words using the 3rd definition of the following word:

DEATH
1a : a permanent cessation of all vital functions : the end of life
b : an instance of dying <a disease causing many deaths>
2a : the cause or occasion of loss of life <drinking was the death of him>
b : a cause of ruin <the slander that was death to my character — Wilkie Collins>
3 capitalized : the destroyer of life represented usually as a skeleton with a scythe

And, before you read any further, I will explain that my entry represents the third and final installment of this story. Thus, I strongly encourage you to read Part 1 (penned by my friend, Mel at AccordingToMags) and Part 2 (penned by the incomparable El Guapo) before mine. Only then can my entry be best appreciated. Enjoy!

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Death Takes A Holiday – Part 3

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Death and George crowded into the restaurant while Nausea headed over to the bar. “I can do some real damage in there. They’re running a tequila special,” he called out, running ahead of the other two.

“Dimwitted dilettante,” Death condescended under his noxious breath. George laughed, remembering a time when his old friend had that same insatiable glimmer in his apocalyptic eye. “Why are you smiling, George?” Death asked, as the hostess escorted them to their usual booth. “Are you amused by his enthusiasm … or have I unintentionally entertained you in some way?”

“Don’t you remember?” George began. “There were none more eager than you. But now … CPR, defibrillators, the Heimlich Maneuver. Why have you allowed these measures to interrupt your delicate work?” George was just getting started when the waitress interrupted him. “Good evening, gentlemen. Will anyone else be joining you?” Nausea was now bellying up to his third victim since they’d arrived. “No. Just the two of us,” answered Death, matter of-factly. “And we’d like to start with a couple of glasses of Richebourg Grand Cru.”

“Yes, of course, sir. Are we celebrating anything special?” she asked. “Yes,” answered Death. “My friend and I are celebrating my first holiday. A day off for Death. Do you know there’s no way you can die today, young lady?”

“I beg your pardon?” she stammered.

“I said that you cannot die today.” Death explained. “There is nothing you or anyone else can do to make that happen. Do you understand?”

Mouth agape, she managed, “I’ll be right back with your drinks,” then turned too quickly directly into a busboy and the business end of the steak knife he was carrying.

Death rolled his eyes. He placed his hand on her bleeding abdomen. “I said nothing,” he reiterated, clearly vexed at the need to prove himself. He removed his hand from her now unscathed stomach and returned to his seat.

“Wow,” said George. “I’m impressed. I didn’t think you had it in you.”

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