Tag Archives: Jenny Lawson

ODNT Goes to San Francisco – Day 1

12:39am (which is really 2:39am according to my internal clock)

The role of ‘weary traveler’ this evening will be played by me. No, it’s not like I crossed the country in a covered wagon fighting disease and rabid wolves in search of gold, but having left my home twelve hours ago for the New Orleans International Airport then passing through the Bermuda Triangle (also known as the Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport) on my way to San Francisco has worn these false-sense-of-entitlement, 21st century bones out. Plus, I just settled into my rollaway bed/exercise mat for some much needed sleep, but all I can hear is the tromping around of heavy feet (one in high heels and one in sneakers) of the two people who just returned home to their hardwood-floored residence ten feet above my head. And I’m pretty sure they have a dog, unless the baby talk I’m hearing is being directed at each other. Dear God, please have a dog … and take off your shoes … and go to bed!

I hate the people upstairs.

Anyway … our first flight, the long one from NOLA to Phoenix, was uneventful. I managed to tear through two People magazines (Thanks to Kelly, my neighbor and overseer of all things Milo while we’re gone) and even read some of my book. I’m finally getting to Jenny’s Lawson Let’s Pretend this Never Happened. (Totally captivating so far, Jenny … in a rubbernecking-past-a-traffic-accident, can’t-help-but-smell-the-spoiled-milk-one-more-time kind of way!)

And then we arrived in Phoenix. Our feet had barely left the habitrail tube from the plane when we heard and saw the announcement. Our plane was already delayed two and a half hours. “And,” said the ‘lady’ on the PA system, “don’t go wandering off from the gate because, if you miss your flight, you can’t come crying to me!”

She loves to fly … and it shows.

So, we kept one foot at the gate and pivoted with the other to get such airport delicacies as pizza, sandwiches and (almost) a $5 bottle of Naked Juice. I put it back as soon as the cashier (who apparently is required to do so) alerted me of its price. “Go get a soda instead,” I said to my girl, like any good mother would. And, since eating took all of 15 minutes, I occupied the other two+ hours with electronics (thanks to everyone who played the #PhoenixNameGame on Twitter with me), window shopping the snacks, power walking the 30 feet of carpet area and, of course, alcohol. One glass. One $12 glass of cheap airport Merlot.

Then, we were finally called to board our plane for San Francisco. The flight length was only half as long as the first but they made up for it with double the turbulence. Which for me apparently drowned out the announcement that, because of our air travel inconvenience, the drinks would be free on the flight. Stupid, stupid me and my Diet Coke. Sigh. My girl and I passed the time chatting with the third person in our seating pod. She was a nice person with whom I found myself talking about how the movie When A Stranger Calls scared the crap out of me in no time. I took that as a good sign. And she liked cats so she and my girl also had lots to talk about. We might even be going to a special event as her guests on Friday. (No, I’m not Ferris Bueller or anything, but it could be fun.)

And, before we knew it … and our plane circled the runway three or four times … we landed at San Francisco International Airport, grabbed our bags and all jumped into a limo together.  (Yes, I said limo. Okay, fine. Maybe I AM Ferris Bueller.) We arrived at our condo in the city, we’re FINALLY settled and now I need to go to bed. I think I might just be the only one up. I mean, except for the people upstairs.

Have I mentioned that I hate them?

I’ll check in again tomorrow at some point … after lots and lots of sleep. Oh, but before I go, I was thumbing through Sky Mall when I found this little innovation. What do y’all think? Is Milo up for the task?


It’s 2012. Shouldn’t ALL cats be doing this by now?


Help! ODNT needs a tagline!

Since I created this little project back in August 2011, I have made a real effort to seek and read the work of the many, talented bloggers out there writing about everything from making Susan Spicer’s Pork Chops with Satsuma Marmalade to fulfilling An Adventure – The First Naked Bar Dance.  I have “met” so many interesting people that sometimes I forget that if I bumped into these people at the grocery and tried to strike up a conversation with them that I might wind up being hit by the business end of a honeydew melon (does a honeydew even have a “business end?”) while they escape the maniacally-friendly, crazy lady.

Anyway, in my travels, I’ve become well acquainted with lots of very impressive writers including the two above as well as blogger extraordinaire, Jenny Lawson, and her website entitled TheBloggess.com.  If you haven’t visited her already, treat yourself and head over there now.  (Did I just send you to someone ELSE’S blog??? I am so bad at this game.)  In addition to being profoundly funny and insightful, Jenny is one of the most popular bloggers in the business which is why I’ve decided to advertise ODNT alongside a handful of others right there on her website.  Being adjacent to greatness is almost as good as actually achieving it, right?

But here’s my problem.

I need a tagline. If you look at the other blogs listed on her site, you’ll see all of their names followed by a short description, mantra, song lyric, shoe size, favorite snack, etc.  It’s whatever the writer wants to use to represent him or herself in that listing.  So, I lost a lot of sleep last night, waking up every so often to jot something down in the notes app of my phone, trying to come up with ideas.  I pestered my husband, my mother and four of my good friends … one of whom spent the whole afternoon brainstorming with me.  (Thanks, Ashley.  Also, your cheese presentation was as delicious as it was pretty.)

We probably came up with nearly 50 ideas, some of which were so very bad that I question whether I should even be granted permission to write something like a grocery list.  And we culled it down to seven and are putting it to a vote. Here and now. Let me know what you think.  The blog listing will read “Old Dog, New Tits” and then the tagline. It’s sort of like someone reading their business card as in ‘Dr. Will Slaughter, CardioThoracic Surgeon.’ (Yeah, I was a big Simpsons fan back in the day.)

Anyway, here are your candidates.  Please vote.  I need to turn this stuff in!

Hate ’em all?  Well, aren’t you persnickety? … No! Wait! I’m kidding. Please don’t run off.  Have a better idea?  Please list it below in the comments section.  Have I mentioned before that I LOVE COMMENTS?

Thanks, guys, for helping me decide.  I’ll post my final decision very soon.  And maybe share a few of the earlier rejected clunkers for laughs … if you want to hear them.  But you can’t like them better!!