OldDogNewTits











{December 9, 2012}   The Baby Food Diet – Day Two

For a quick explanation of my shenanigans, click here.

Want to hear about yesterday? Day One

Today’s Weight – 121.2

I am somewhere between 5’3″ and 5’4.” I am not a crazy person. Well, mostly not a crazy person. I would love to be 115 pounds for Christmas. Do I expect to reach that goal during this five-day experiment? Probably not. I’m weak and it’s only five days. Still, I figured any weight I could shave off BEFORE the onslaught of holiday gluttony is a good thing, right? Of course right.

So I made it through the first day. That’s got to be the hardest part, yes? And now that I’m seeing how fast an adult can burn through jars of baby food, I decided to make another quick grocery run … in search of variety … which ironically has oft been called the spice of life. And that’s the only spice I’ll be getting for a few more days.

Four stores later, here are a few of my “finds.”

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It seemed like SUCH a good idea and yet it’s our winner so far for “Tastes Most Like Puke.” Seriously, there’s a contest. And this one is our front runner. I really wish I hadn’t bought three freakin’ jars.

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OMG … Cheetos!

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And cookies? Okay … “Let’s do this thing!!!”

P.S. I’m picturing Linguini from Ratatouille as I type that last line. Probably because his name is a food. Plus, I may or may not be starting to hallucinate.

Still need proof of my commitment? I went to the movies tonight and it didn’t break my stride. Although, I’m sure I looked like a complete meathead in action. Mmmmm …  MEAThead.

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And Milo is still WAY too into all of this food for my comfort level.

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Today’s intake, as logged into the ‘My Fitness Pal’ app on my phone:

  • 6:55am – Gerber Bananas (6oz., 140 calories)
  • 11:40am – Gerber Graduates Lil Crunchies Mild Cheddar (18 pieces, 35 calories)
  • 12:15pm – Gerber Graduates Maple Waffle Wheels (3 pieces, 25 calories)
  • 12:17pm – Gerber Macaroni & Cheese (4 oz., 80 calories)
  • 12:25pm – Diet Coke (at my boy’s basketball game)
  • 1:30pm – Earth’s Best Harvest Squash Turkey (4oz,. 60 calories)
  • 1:41pm – Earth’s Best Peach Oatmeal Banana (4oz., 70 calories)
  • 1:53pm – Ella’s Kitchen Milk & Vanilla Baby Cookies (1 cookie, 35 calories)
  • 3:40pm – banana (90 calories – You guys all said it was okay. Except my pal, El Guapo. Mean!)
  • 3:42pm – Gerber Graduates Lil Crunchies Mild Cheddar (18 pieces, 35 calories)
  • 4:00pm – Lemon Blueberry Tea with Splenda
  • 5:03pm – Gerber Spaghetti & Tomato Sauce with Beef (6 oz., 180 calories)
  • 5:50pm – Diet Coke (Yes, it’s number TWO for the day. I was at the movies!)
  • 5:55pm – Earth’s Best Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal (6 oz., 110 calories)
  • 8:48pm – Gerber Graduates Banana Cream Waffle Wheels (3 pieces, 25 calories)
  • 8:52pm – Earth’s Best Chicken & Brown Rice (4 oz., 80 calories)
  • 9:02pm – Gerber Vanilla Custard Pudding with Bananas (3.5 oz., 110 calories)
  • 10:45pm – banana (90 calories)
  • 11:00pm – Gerber Graduates Lil Crunchies Mild Cheddar (18 pieces, 35 calories)

Total calories for the day – 1196

Things We’ve Learned and/or Questioned Along the Way

  • My friend called to offer support but chastise me a little because she didn’t see water listed yesterday. My bad. I did drink water. Lots of it. And took my daily vitamins. If anything, I’m watching my food group distribution more than usual. Not to worry.
  • I have established a rule on what makes a food “approved” for this diet. It needs to be able to be fed to a child less than 12 months old. The purpose of the diet is that everything be easily digestible. Hence the rule.
  • There is a reason babies cry all the time (they’re PISSED) and don’t sleep through the night (they’re STARVING). Only their fruity desserts are tolerable straight from the jar. … That’s right. I got your back, Babies!
  • Lemon blueberry herbal tea with Splenda is not even CLOSE to a lemon blueberry muffin. Stupid tea company.
  • Chewing rocks.

Oh, and one more thing. I’m having lots of fun playing with you guys on Twitter. Please keep looking for me as I descend slowly into madness. I spared no expense. We even have our own hashtag … #ODNTBabyFoodDiet. Here’s my favorite exchange of the day. (Thanks, Hotspur.)

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Mel says:

That Mac and Cheese one brings back memories. Tuck, who I swore would be eating baby food until his college years, ate any jar you put in front if him. That streak ended at the Mac and Cheese. He gagged. And it was all over at the meats. :)



Jenny says:

Hey, it’s got to be nutritional if u feed it to wee babes, right? So since I was in the baby feeding arena not too long ago, I will mention that if u are craving meat, the little things that look like Vienna sausages aren’t horrible. Well at least the first one or two aren’t…



I say just eat a couple spoonfuls of flax seeds every day, washed down with the strongest coffee you can brew.



Susan says:

Wow! Eating that wallpaper paste in the movie theatre while the aroma of buttered popcorn lingers in the air! You are my dieting idol! Please excuse all the misplaced commas and other grammatical errors in my response on Day One! I think this stuff makes your neurons stick together!!! ;)



El Guapo says:

To complete the baby food diet experience, I say you should start wearing diapers too.
Then you can also get rid of that excess weight as soon as the urge hits!

(Hey,you posted a pic of mac and cheese baby food, so this is NOT the most disgusting note on the page.)
(just sayin…)



So, I hope you’re learning your lesson in all of this which must be, stay the F away from baby food!



The Hook says:

Good luck! Hilarious post, by the way…



Thanks, Hook. And welcome to ODNT. Are you related to the Captain?



I’m impressed, 4.75 hours on 6 oz of Gerber bananas.



Please handle anything mathy that I need done in the next however-many-hours-I-have-left on this monster.



You can count on me (oops, I made a pun)



Please handle anything mathy that I need done in the next however-many-hours-I-have-left on this monster.



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