Daughter: Can I sleep with you tonight?
Me: No, sweets. It’s a school night. Go to bed.
Daughter: Please. It’s a special occasion.
Me: What? What’s the occasion?
Daughter: Haven’t you been watching the news? It’s Columbus Day.
Me: (pregnant pause) Dude, Columbus Day isn’t a special occasion … plus it was eight days ago.
Daughter:Oh, okay. Well, maybe NEXT year on Columbus Day?
Me: Yeah, sure. Maybe so. Goodnight, girlfriend.
Daughter: Good night, Mommy.
Apparently, I need to get her a calendar. And we should probably stop having such lavish celebrations on things like World Nutella Day, half birthdays and National Lizard Day.