No, it’s not from Jud and Bill … MORE ON THAT CONTEST SOON, BY THE WAY … but I did get another misdirected email recently. Remember MY PLAN to rid this world of this electronic idiocy? Every time I get something good sent to me by mistake, I’m sharing it. Right here. In a segment called Check Your Email, Dude (CYED).
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Today’s installment of CYED comes to us from Carol in Michigan. She was writing to her friend, Joanie, to get her okay on an invitation to a baby shower for Kim before she printed it. And I feel kinda bad because the big day is only a week off. I really hope I didn’t impede the party planning by holding up the invitations. By now, the party givers should be pricing balloons and pink and blue tableware … and buying a Vlasic pickle stork replica to put on the lawn … and stuffing baby bottles favors with pastel pillow mints … and the games. Oh, DEAR GOD, the games!
Man, Kim’s shower’s gonna suck.
Maybe I should just send a quick email saying that the invitation looks fine so they can get moving on the other stuff. Although, it looks pretty boy-centric to me. I wonder if Kim even knows what she’s having. Her stupid friends probably didn’t even take that into account. Also, I know it’s the Walt Disney font and all, but I HATE the lettering. Kim’s got a mouthful of a last name (which I deleted because I’m awesome) and it’s barely legible in this freakish font. Personally, I would never do that to Kim. But it’s not like any of them asked ME to co-host her shower. Hags.
Anyway, here’s the email. Judge for yourself.
[ Baby Shower Invitation Proof ]
Hi Joanie!I’ve attached the proof for your invitations. Please look it over and make sure everything is correct.Thanks!Carol
So, what do y’all think I should get her? There is NO way I’m going to Babies R Us or Walmart. I have an unopened Scrabble game around here somewhere. And an extra cat collar with painted fish on it. Ooh, and a pair of white sandals that I only wore once then decided they didn’t fit. I still have the box and everything.
Damn! I have to get moving. I wonder what the airfare to Michigan will run me.
I’m coming, Kim. Don’t start without me!
OldDogNewTits 
One can only wonder what poor Kim Jr’s baby will say about being broadcast all over the web like that.
And I’m glad you are continuing to use your NSA internet monitoring software for good!
Please. I’ve made HIM (apparently) famous before he even emerged from the womb. He should be THANKING me. 🙂
Can we do a joint gift? I’m cheap and Kim and I have kind of grown apart over the years. You remember the chocolate incident, don’t you? On second thought, maybe I just won’t go. Decisions, decisions.
Mel, I’ve been telling you for years. It was CAROL who poured melted chocolate on your hair while you were asleep. Kim was with me at the movies at the time. We went to see The Blair Witch Project. That’s why Kim went through her Wiccan period, remember?
That’s right! Chocolate in my hair and honey in Joanie’s. No wonder she isn’t getting a response. Since I’m going home in a few weeks, I can pick up something in Salem for the baby. Maybe a “Got Spells?” onesie?
Someone needs to point out to Carol there are giant black blobs on the invite. Hopefully, Joanie was up to the task.
You’re counting on Joanie? She didn’t even care enough to make sure Carol had the correct email address. Sheesh.
I think the font crowds the letters at that size.
I like the ones that resemble broken old typewriters, or the one that makes your words look like a ransom letter from an 70’s detective show.
Ransom lettering … on a baby shower invitation. I’ll bet it’s NEVER been done! 🙂