The ODNT Letters: Schticking it to the Man

At the beginning of the summer, I ordered myself a present. You can’t go wrong with an As Seen As TV product, right? Of course, right. But I had a little problem with mine recently, so NATURALLY I wrote a letter.

Check out this wonder product. And watch ’til the end. How could I NOT order it? (Sorry for the gratuitous Chandler Bing-ism.) 

These people are hilarious … so I expect a good response. And, as soon as I get one, you know you’ll see it here.

To the Good People of the Schticky Corporation,

My family ordered your three-pack of Schticky products at the beginning of the summer. We have an excessively sheddy cat (named Milo, if that’s necessary for your damage report) and, unless we can all agree that orange fur should coat the surfaces of everything in our home, we are absolutely dependent on your product. The Schticky has set us free!

Anyway, everything was rolling along great (pardon the pun) until the white plastic arm on the mid-size model cracked. (This is the exact moment in my letter when you can hear the needle scratch across the record.) You can imagine our despair! I can’t live in a world coated with orange cat fur! And (furthermore) I can’t be expected to roll the aqua blue cylinder manually over our sofa cushions. This isn’t 1983!

All of this said, I’m hoping that you have a heart. With all the pain and suffering on our planet, my problem is but a small blip on the radar. Still, I seek customer restitution. Thus, I am writing to request that you replace this mid-size model … or at least its white plastic roller … so that I can go back to the blissful experience of pet hair removal with your product. (Picture Snow White, cartoon bluebirds and whistling. Lots of whistling.)

Your youtube commercial says to me that you not only have a heart but also a funny bone so I’m hoping we can take care of this problem quickly and quietly without having to alert the media or the court system. I maintain a humor blog (at least I HOPE it’s humor) at http://olddognewtits.com and am posting this letter there. I would LOVE to be able to post your response. Oh, and also to get a new Schticky. Until then, I’ll be the one living under a pile of cat fur.

Look forward to hearing from you,

Michele

P.S. Might I submit the following ad slogan to your most excellent company? … “Takes a Licking, But Keeps on Schticking!” Yes, yes. I know. You LOVE it and want to know if I’m available for hire. The answer is YES. I am always available for hire … when it’s for something I deem worthy of my time. Go, Schticky!