Tag Archives: friends

The Post About My Bra & Underwear

Posted on March 9, 2015 | 11 comments

THEM: We’d like you to review our product.

ME: Great. What’s the product?

THEM: Undergarments. Like bras. And panties. As in lingerie.

ME: (cough, sputter) Do I have to post pictures of … I mean … would I need to wear the … ?

THEM: No, no. You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

ME: (laughing nervously) Well, that would make me very uncomfortable. It would make my family uncomfortable. It would make my readers …

THEM: … uncomfortable?

ME: Well, yes. But I was going to say nauseous.

THEM: (possibly rethinking their decision to ask me) You can do whatever you want. As long as it’s honest and appropriate for the product.

ME: Can it be funny?

THEM: Sure. We love funny and personable.

ME: (lightbulb over head, at least 40-watts) Excellent. I’m on it!

Okay. So maybe that’s not exactly how the conversation went. But it’s the gist. Because when ThirdLove first contacted me, I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle writing about my bra. And underwear. But the more I communicated with them, the more I knew I just had to take the job.  Seriously, this company is one of the most innovative, customer-oriented in the business. So, without further ado, let’s take a minute to talk underwear, shall we? Specifically mine.

(Don’t worry. There WILL be pictures.)

After perusing their extensive selection of bras (full, demi, plunge, convertible, push-up, front closure, wireless, etc.) and panties (bikini, boyshort, tanga and thong), I made my choices:

  • The Evolve Push-Up Bra (Don’t judge.)
  • The Microfiber Bikini (I always like to have my butt covered, both figuratively and literally.)

And they came almost immediately, packaged beautifully I might add. I honestly felt like I was opening a present. My daughter was with me at the time. She’d never seen a front closure bra before and she was duly impressed. As was I.

I ordered both of my items in a nude color. (Call me Madam Practical.) The bra is fully adjustable to allow the girls a perfect fit. And the fabric on both of these pretty pieces is so soft. Thin and dainty but durable. Panty lines definitely won’t be an issue for me on my ThirdLove days. Like their ad says, “There’s no better way to go commando without actually going commando.”

Is anyone else reminded of Joey?

If only he’d had a pair of ThirdLove microfiber bikinis. All of this could have been avoided.

But seriously … in addition to the dependable quality of their merchandise, their attention-to-detail and customer service efforts are through the roof. And here’s how.

1. LIVE CHAT FEATURE

Ordering was simple. But if you have questions, there’s a friendly online rep literally sitting at her desk waiting to talk bras and underwear with you. (I’ve bothered her three times now. We’re going out for Thai next Tuesday.) She’s there every Mon-Fri from 9am-6pm PST. So is the call center. After hours, you can email them at hi@thirdlove.com.

2. HALF SIZES AVAILABLE

Just like shoes, ThirdLove cups come in half sizes to offer a perfect fit. That means they offer twice the inventory. Their band sizes range from 28 to 40, with select styles available in up to a G cup. (Yes, I said G! As in Good God Almighty!)

3. THEIR OWN SMARTPHONE SIZING APP.

You know those fools who rush you with a measuring tape every time you walk into a lingerie store? Don’t they seem a little too anxious to touch your boobs? Well, you don’t have to bother with them anymore. Because the ThirdLove app gives you simple, step by step instructions to get your own accurate measurements in the comfort (and privacy!) of your home … rather than in the middle of the mall while strangers like your old high school lab partner awkwardly look on.

But wait! I promised pictures!

I really lucked out with one. Because my daughter’s oversized sock monkey, Maxine, volunteered for the job. Which I so appreciated. Being as that I’ve delivered two babies and all. And I’m certain Maxine looks better in an underwear photo shoot than I would.

No really.

ThirdLove lingerie

Perfect for the monkey on the go (She’s hailing a cab) …

… the monkey who spends all day at her desk …

… or the monkey just lounging at home.

Whatever your plans, ThirdLove has you covered. And supported.

Want to see for yourself? Visit ThirdLove and take a look around. If you decide to order something, be sure to take advantage of their 20 for 20 program by using the discount below.

Click HERE for a $20 credit on your first order.

Yes, I get a credit, too. That’s how it works. Then, after you order, you can earn  credits by referring friends as well. It’s easy. And who doesn’t need new underwear?

Remember, next time you see me, I just might be wearing that monkey’s underwear.

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MamaKat’s writing prompt: Write a blog post inspired by the word embarrassed. Um … yeah, okay. Done!

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Hey! Stop staring at my teeth. My eyes are up here!

Posted on September 3, 2014 | 16 comments

And why exactly is everyone staring at my teeth these days? Easy. Because I was recently contacted by the customer-oriented good people at Smile Brilliant to conduct a product review of their high-end tooth bleaching system. Spoiler: I loved it.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever spent any alone time in the bathroom bearing your teeth at your own reflection in the mirror and wishing you had a whiter smile. To those of you sitting on your hands, I think you’re lying. Everyone wants whiter teeth. And everyone needs whiter teeth. Unless, of course, you played a paleontologist on TV in the 90s.

But enough of my tomfoolery. Let me tell you about Smile Brilliant. That’s why we’re all here, isn’t it?

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When their company rep first contacted me, I was over the moon. Like I said before, who doesn’t want whiter teeth? So I accepted the job and was immediately sent a product reviewer starter kit.

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The kit contained everything I needed to take professional, dentist-quality impressions of my upper and lower teeth (as well as the gels I would be using with my custom trays once I received them). I got to work immediately.

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To make the impressions …

  1. Open one BASE paste and one CATALYST paste.
  2. Blend together.
  3. Press into mold and insert in mouth immediately.

(How great do I look here, by the way? … Hello? Christmas card!)

Notice how my hands are super blurry in that middle picture? That’s because you have to MOVE FAST. Once the pastes are combined, they waste no time hardening. Herein lies the reason that you get three sets of the stuff with your starter kit (see picture above). Because some people are spastic and will mess up the first batch by working too slowly.

How did *I* do, you ask? Well, let’s just say all six of my paste containers were empty after I made my impressions. (Sometimes I’m surprised I can dress myself in the morning.) Anyway, here’s what I sent over to Smile Brilliant in their convenient, postage-paid packaging.

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And here’s what I got back only days later.

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Before opening any of the gel packages, I tried on my new mouth trays. And they fit perfectly. (I wonder if Smile Brilliant makes jeans.) And, with that, I was ready to start illuminating my smile.

To whiten your teeth …

  1. Apply desensitizing gel (if you choose to purchase it) along inner front rim of both trays and wear for 20-60 minutes. 
  2. Apply bleaching gel in the same way and wear for 20 minutes to 3 hours. 

I’m a compulsive overachiever so I maxed out both times and completed the full process three days in a row. And I honestly saw improvement as early as the first day. From there, I whitened every other day until I hit the two week mark (for a total of nine treatments). And that was it. That was all I needed. Unless I want my teeth to glow under a black light. (see Ross Geller above)

Personally, I think my before and after pictures speak for themseLVES.

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Seriously, they look AMAZING, don’t they?

#conceited

#sheisSOfullofherself

#whiteteethcantfixlaughlines

#heymicheleyouneedabetterlipliner

Jealous?

Tired of hearing about MY experience?

Wish you could throw a bucket of indelible purple grape juice directly at my glistening teeth?

You needn’t stew in your own filthy envy anymore.  Because I’m giving away a gift certificate to Smile Brilliant for $119.95 right here to one lucky, yellow-toothed winner! That’s enough to get everything you need to make your own custom trays plus three syringes of bleaching gel (each good for three uses).

Click HERE to win.

You have until September 9, 2014 to enter.

Okay, let’s recap everything. Shall we?

  1. I LOVE this product and literally noticed a difference after one use.
  2. When making your dental impressions, work fast and have a napkin handy for, well, drool. Did I mention that earlier? (sigh)
  3. Remember that just because you can wear the bleach-filled dental trays for three straight hours doesn’t mean you should wear them for three straight hours. This stuff is the real deal and overkill can result in a little gum tenderness.
  4. Enter the contest, fools. White teeth could be yours by the end of the month!

The ODNT Product Review Procedure:

  • Sometimes I say no … because I am not interested in the product or I don’t think it’s a good fit for me or this blog.
  • Sometimes I say yes … but determine, upon usage, that the product is a fail. So I inform the company and offer the option to part ways rather than receive the bad press. This offer is always accepted.
  • Sometimes I say yes … and I try the product and LOVE it. So I write my review. And you can rest assured that every word, every picture and every video is 100% true.

Because MamaKat asked me to talk about something I learned last month.What’s mine? Home tooth whitening products aren’t all snake oil. This stuff really works!

Vote for me @ Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

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The ODNT Letters: Schticking it to the Man

Posted on July 13, 2012 | 6 comments

At the beginning of the summer, I ordered myself a present. You can’t go wrong with an As Seen As TV product, right? Of course, right. But I had a little problem with mine recently, so NATURALLY I wrote a letter.

Check out this wonder product. And watch ’til the end. How could I NOT order it? (Sorry for the gratuitous Chandler Bing-ism.) 

These people are hilarious … so I expect a good response. And, as soon as I get one, you know you’ll see it here.

To the Good People of the Schticky Corporation,

My family ordered your three-pack of Schticky products at the beginning of the summer. We have an excessively sheddy cat (named Milo, if that’s necessary for your damage report) and, unless we can all agree that orange fur should coat the surfaces of everything in our home, we are absolutely dependent on your product. The Schticky has set us free!

Anyway, everything was rolling along great (pardon the pun) until the white plastic arm on the mid-size model cracked. (This is the exact moment in my letter when you can hear the needle scratch across the record.) You can imagine our despair! I can’t live in a world coated with orange cat fur! And (furthermore) I can’t be expected to roll the aqua blue cylinder manually over our sofa cushions. This isn’t 1983!

All of this said, I’m hoping that you have a heart. With all the pain and suffering on our planet, my problem is but a small blip on the radar. Still, I seek customer restitution. Thus, I am writing to request that you replace this mid-size model … or at least its white plastic roller … so that I can go back to the blissful experience of pet hair removal with your product. (Picture Snow White, cartoon bluebirds and whistling. Lots of whistling.)

Your youtube commercial says to me that you not only have a heart but also a funny bone so I’m hoping we can take care of this problem quickly and quietly without having to alert the media or the court system. I maintain a humor blog (at least I HOPE it’s humor) at http://olddognewtits.com and am posting this letter there. I would LOVE to be able to post your response. Oh, and also to get a new Schticky. Until then, I’ll be the one living under a pile of cat fur.

Look forward to hearing from you,

Michele

P.S. Might I submit the following ad slogan to your most excellent company? … “Takes a Licking, But Keeps on Schticking!” Yes, yes. I know. You LOVE it and want to know if I’m available for hire. The answer is YES. I am always available for hire … when it’s for something I deem worthy of my time. Go, Schticky!

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Introducing the Boob Expert Panel

Posted on September 17, 2011 | 2 comments

Where would I be without the constant …  sometimes level-headed, sometimes leap-before-you-look … advice of my friends?  (Am I supposed to be saying besties or BFFs here?  Wait, no. I’m a grown-up.)

I am blessed with more friends than I know what to do with.  So many that I am usually left feeling like a jerk when I forget somebody’s birthday or fail to meet their beautiful twin boys, now approaching a year old,  who live right here in town with me.  (Yeah, one of the hazards of my friendship these days is that you’re likely to find yourself referenced in this blog at some point.)

And, if you are one of the many wonderful people out there who I have called friend over the course of my life, you know something about me that has never changed.  I am an advice seeker.  Always.  On every subject.  I think some of my pals find it charming and some highly annoying.  Seriously, these poor souls know what I’m talking about.  I can’t buy a pair of shoes without texting the different selections to a friend or two first.  Eating out? Always an adventure with my friends apologizing to the server for my inability to decide on a menu item. I think I recently polled numerous people about choosing a new salad dressing. It’s what I do.  Like it or not.   I want second opinions.  And thirds.  And so on.

For this reason, I’ve elected to assemble my own ODNT Expert Panel (more comical names encouraged for submission … Team Boob?  I don’t know. I’m tired today), consisting of girlfriends of mine who have actually had boob jobs. These girls are all a really important part of my life and will now serve as my consultants for all the big questions that arise over the course of this project.  They will become my panel of authorities who will help guide me and anyone else reading here.  So, without further ado, please allow me to introduce you to Anne, Cindy, Elizabeth, Hannah, Kelly, Mary, Megan, Melissa, Paige, Red and Vineen.  No, not all of my girlfriends elected to use their real names.  Some yes, some no.  Remember, I’m the only attention-hogging grandstander here. (FYI, I will be posting the appeal I made to this incredible group of women and their responses in the near future.)

Oh, yeah. And remember that we are certainly not limited to the above eleven.  If you want to join the panel … either using a pseudonym or your real name … contact me and let me know.  Blog commenting, private messaging, voice mail, email, text, snail mail, carrier pigeon, morse code, skywriting, singing telegrams, strip-o-grams, mental telepathy, message in a bottle, two cans and string, throwing a rock through my window … all of these methods would be fine.  Though I think the last one would tick off my husband.  So “don’t” do it!

Thanks to my girlfriends who have already signed on.  And here’s welcoming any more who want to jump in.  I promise lots of laughs along the way.  Even if they’re all at my expense!

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Telling my family and friends

Posted on September 12, 2011 | 2 comments

Okay. So, I decided I wanted to look into a boob job. And I wanted to go public about it.  But, before I could truly go public, I needed to run it by my family.  And maybe a few close friends. Just to see the looks in their eyes when I tell them about my plans.

Here’s how it went …

Husband … There were various comments, among them …  “You know, you could write about things like our fig tree in the backyard.”  AND  “Have you told your Dad yet?”  AND  “Umm … sure.  Maybe when you earn enough money from your writing jobs.”  For the record, I think he’s good with it now.  Or at least “good” with it.  Elective surgery. General anesthesia.  These are things that make him squirm. He cares … or maybe just doesn’t want to be a single dad … but, either way, that’s a good thing, right?

Mother … I told her on vacation. It was an odd choice but the opportunity suddenly presented itself. And I was expecting all kinds of motherly worry and maybe even a little judgment. What I got was “I can’t believe you waited this long.” After we got through our spontaneous eruption of laughter, she mentioned that, as my mother, she’s seen my boobs … in all their post-baby glory … and understands my decision completely.  (Love you, mom!)  Her concern was more about my going public about it. “Are you sure you want to do that?” she asked.  I figure … you can’t hide this kind of change anyway … so why not stop all the gossip and rumors and put it all out there. If you want to talk about my boob job, I want to be in the circle.

Brother … He was all in.  He works in medical equipment sales and has seen all kinds of advancements in this area and has a great many doctor connections in the city. Score!  And, in his infinitely asinine way of trying to rib me and make me feel awkward (it’s a sibling thing), he started texting me soft porn and suggesting different ‘sets’ I might want to look into buying. It’s a pretty hilarious thing to open up unexpectedly on my phone, especially when I have to explain it’s from my brother.

Father … He was my albatross.  My husband, mother and brother all thought so and had convinced me as such.  So, I worked up my nerve and invited him to lunch.  Unfortunately, I had no childcare that day so I needed to select my eatery carefully so that my kids could sit separately from us without it raising any eyebrows.  (We went with a ‘roll your own burrito’ joint if that detail is significant to anyone.)  My dad and I sat at our own table right next to the elevated bar table where my kids sat, which was pointed directly at the wall-mounted television.  Problem solved.  And, after a bit of idle chit chat, I finally told him I invited him to lunch with an ulterior motive and lowered the boom.  And he didn’t flinch, progressive man that he is. (My mother is now officially rolling her eyes.)  He asked a few questions about whether or not the implant would be placed above or beneath the muscle and about saline in general.  He was actually approaching the whole thing from a scientific point of view.  Why am I surprised?  The Discovery Channel is like religion to him.

Friends (just a handful!) … Of course, I checked in with several other people in my life including my lady doctor (who also happens to be a neighbor and friend) and got a resounding “Good for you!”  And weighing in with half a dozen other friends earned me a few quizzical looks here and there and, of course, offered several more occasions to expose my boobs.  (Really, it’s been like Mardi Gras around here.)  But, in the end, no one tried to talk me out of it.  Some were surprised and some not.  Some still have questions for which I’ll be seeking answers and covering in future installments.  All were excited to be part of the process from the beginning.  And the one word that several of them used to describe what I’m doing was “brave.”

It’s funny, you know.  I wasn’t the least bit nervous about any of this business until someone characterized it as brave.

Damn girlfriends.

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