August 27, 2012, 12:09pm
Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Katrina and there is not one human being in New Orleans, along the entirety of the Gulf Coast of the United States or around the globe, for that matter, who is not well acquainted with me and my work. However, I will accept that, because you are less than seven years of age and have just formed and organized yourself, you are unfamiliar with my celebrity. A quick Google search should get you up to speed with my resume. Or you may simply click here.
With all due respect, I am writing to request that you back off from your area of target immediately and completely. Not only am I recognized as the sixth strongest hurricane in all of recorded history, I have also been deemed the costliest natural disaster and one of the five deadliest storms in the history of the United States. And I have no intention of retiring any of my titles at this time.
That you have chosen to rear your ugly, inexperienced head exactly one day before the seventh anniversary of my devastation is in severely bad form, my young friend. But then what would you know about these things? You were upgraded to a tropical storm only one week ago. You DO realize that the only reason that people are worried about you, even watching you, is because of me, right? It was I who left that post-traumatic feeling in the city that has exalted all hurricanes since. I am the bar against which all before and after me have been and will be measured.
Move on, little green neophyte. These people have endured enough. They do not need some snot-nosed punk hanging around and distracting them from the seven year reminder of my abominable efforts on August 29, 2005. I will expect to see you and your belongings on the curb waiting for a cab within 24 hours. This point is not negotiable.
I have been asked no less than twenty times what my family is doing for the storm. As always, we are hoping to stay put. We will make the decision as the storm progresses and its nasty details unfold. Having been through these hurricanes my entire life, my stress levels are high at the moment. And I felt the need to purge a little of my internal anger and fear over the entire situation this morning. Everyone stay safe. I’ll be in touch.