Seriously, Some Posts Write Themselves

I pulled into my driveway last night and spied a curious, oversized, rectangular package leaning against the side door of the house. And, since someone in this family has a birthday coming up, I got a little excited. A little prematurely excited.

The backstory? My boy, Dean, and his friend partnered up for their final math project this past school year. It was HUGE. As in five feet long. And any parent who has raised a child above the age of seven knows exactly how it feels to bring home your child’s model solar system/(mal)functioning volcano/perfect replica of the Mayflower. He worked tirelessly for hours on it. He poured his little heart and soul into it. He’s so damned proud of it. Plus it’s usually such a great addition to your home decor and can only enhance the look of any room.

So, how in the hell could you ever think of parting with it. … Right?

Here’s where group projects are great. Only one of the kids gets to take it home. It’s like the Judgment of Solomon. No one who truly loves that stupid project could stand to see it divided so that all may partake of it. Thus, it can only go to one home. And if you’re really lucky, it’s not yours. Such was the case with our recent enormous math project.

Until …


Bear in mind that Hershey-zilla is sitting atop my fireplace hearth … and therefore is even WIDER.

Attached to my beautiful new gift was the following note:

Dear Poche Family,

We, the (name omitted out of SHEER kindness) Family, have been SO selfish and we greatly apologize! We have been enjoying the giant Hershey bar for over two weeks and did not even realize that SO much time has gone by as it sat and sat and sat in our den!

We are truly NOT a selfish family. So, in the spirit of fairness, we feel … no, we KNOW that the right thing to do is to hand over the giant candy bar so that your family can bask in the glory of the 98A.

The (again, name omitted … but if we have to keep this thing too long, who knows?) Family

P.S. Mrs. (teacher’s name at whose home we’ll be secretly dropping off the giant candy bar later this week) suggested hanging it above the TV in the den.

* * * * * * * * * *

If only it were real. I’d be busy eating instead of blogging right now. (Dork.)

I want chocolate.

* * * * * * * * * *

Curious to know if there’s more to this story? Well, yeah. Actually, there is. Click here.


That Suburban Momma

13 responses to “Seriously, Some Posts Write Themselves

  1. oh my! This had me rolling. I have several of those projects in my closet right now!

  2. If that we’re real, you’d see me in 16 hours…maybe 14. 🙂

  3. I am a teacher, but I have to laugh so hard that you will be returning this “gift” to the teacher responsible. My son completed a huge Spain scene for his Around the World project this year. They broke the scene down, and my son and his partner divided the pieces. My child came home with the little bull. His partner went home with the massive Spanish castle. Why? My child very wisely told his partner that he knew his mom would throw away anything that is too big. Hey, I took a picture at the presentation.

    By the way, I think we have a friend in common. Lived in New Orleans for several years and had an awesome baby group when my daughter was born there. Helen F. was in the group. She pointed me in the direction of your fabulous blog! Caitlin (

    • Hey! Small world. Love Miss F, by the way. 🙂

      And I really like how your boy thinks. Keeping only the bull. Brilliant! Why haven’t my kids figured out this think-like-a-mom approach???

  4. Let’s see, working model of a volcano, steamboat, several dioramas, two solar systems, a topographical map of the Pacific Rim, an earthquake shake table, four or five pinewood derby cars, what seems to be about a hundred tri-fold display boards and costumes and costumes and costumes. I wish it had occurred to me to present each teacher with the projects to keep forever! What a brilliant idea!

  5. modmomelleroy

    If it were real, I’d be right over to help you. Maybe send it to Barbara Hershey as an homage? Could be worse. My brother’s eighth grade science project was a taxidermied fox. *shudders*

  6. Next time push for Dove chocolate for the project.

  7. Oh no, don’t wish for that. One time I actually bought one of those giant, enormous, super huge milk chocolate bars. You know the ones they use for candy making. First off, it was impossible to break off pieces of it. I had to put it under a towel and beat it with a hammer and then eat the resulting chunks. Second, I became so, so sick of that kind of chocolate I can’t eat it to this day. Don’t make my mistake. Save yourself. Save…yourself.

  8. Can you ship that to me??? I am OBSESSED with Hersheys. It would go great in my mantle!

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