I was sifting through past posts recently when I came across this old one. It was written over a year ago about a Craigslist ad I found while checking for writing assignments. I can’t remember if I actually sent the email below or not. As you know, I’m not opposed to sending correspondence that makes me look “somewhat foolish” from time to time. Plus you never know, right? (Oh, just nod your head.) Anyway (dusting off cobwebs) … enjoy.
As a freelance writer, I’m always looking for new gigs.
I hate that word. Gigs. Makes me sound like a gritty drifter who sleeps by day and travels by night, only stopping occasionally to do things like knock over a 7-11 or take a shower. But “gigs” is what Craigslist has relegated my work to be. Maybe I’ll make it my sassy, new nickname … Gigs Poche. Wait. What were talking about again?
Oh, yeah. The ad! So I saw this ad yesterday.
Because I know it’s hard to read: “Writing dialogue is an art. Writing great dialogue is a goldmine. Are you clever, witty and ambitious? Ever feel like good Hollywood movies are few and far between? Screenwriter looking for a wordsmith, linguistically genius or a genius in the making. Must have a passion to write, a will to win and a dreamer’s mentality. Prior screenwriting a plus, but not required.”
Now, before we move on, remember I’m still the same goofy, pie-in-the-sky dreamer who genuinely believed she was going to get called up on stage to join Donny & Marie at their concert when she was a kid. Because I’d sent a letter to them via a concert security guard (which I’m sure hit the nearest trash can … jerk!) asking to meet them at the performance venue. I waited the whole concert and was absolutely crushed when it was over and it didn’t happen. Sad, little fool that I was.
But what’s sadder is that I haven’t changed at all. I have learned nothing. Because when I saw the above ad, I had to reply. I don’t want to miss my big break, you know? Of course, I think what concerns me most is that I’m actually dumb enough to tell you about it right here. Shouldn’t I be embarrassed? Shouldn’t I feel like a fool? Yes, probably. But deep down I guess there’s still part of that Osmond-loving kid inside of me just waiting for something BIG to happen.
Dear Interesting Craigslist Poster,
Wordsmith is my middle name!
(No. That’s stupid. Everyone is going to open with that. My cat would open with that. Try again, Michele.)
I got my B.A. in Wordsmithing … with a minor in Psychology.
(Well, that’s a LITTLE better. But the fact that you had to resort to “wordsmithing” sort of illustrates that you very well may not be. Keep trying, fool.)
I practice the ancient art of Wordsmithology … I mean Wordsmithyism … (sweating) I mean … umm … Words are my god!
(Well, now they’re just going to think you’re a dork. And the whole purpose here is to impress! Give it one more try, okay?)
My name is Michele and I am a freelance writer for many different types of projects including an award-winning website entitled olddognewtits.com. In addition to my years of experience, I have a degree in Journalism AND I finished first in my eighth grade class (of more than one hundred 13-year-olds!) for vocabulary. I think I recall getting a certificate for that achievement but I’m not sure I’ll be able to put my hands on it for you. So you might just have to take my word for it.
And speaking of WORDS, I have a very strong (as in Herculean … or at least HulkHoganian) grasp of them as well as their spelling, meanings, origin, versatility, usage, misusage, etc. I am certain I could deliver for you in this area. Concerning the “clever” and “witty” you seek, people have always told me I am funny. And they have no reason to provide me with this information falsely as I am, in no way, wealthy. That’s where you come in. You and the “ambitious” part of me that you mentioned. Maybe we can help each other.
Oh, and before I go, I’m always a little concerned about responding to Craigslist postings. As any female (or human with a still-beating pulse) should be. So … if you’re a killer or some other classification of criminal, kindly disregard my email and move on to your next victim. I have much to accomplish before I die and really do not have the time to be murdered today.
Thanks giving me a few minutes of your attention. Here’s hoping we can keep doing so into the future.
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Soooo .. geez, this is awkward … if you guys are looking for me later this year, I’m sure I’ll be in L.A. trying to work out the details of my latest movie project with Quentin, Marty or somebody like that.
You know what? Just call my people and we’ll do lunch.