OldDogNewTits

Geez, I have NO idea how to start this behemoth.

Great. I’m already anxious about this project and really want to impress any readers. So, I start with the word ‘Geez???’ Excellent choice, Michele. Of course, when I think that Tale of Two Cities, Pride & Prejudice and 1984 all started with the word ‘It,’ ‘Geez’ isn’t looking too mousy anymore … except that it should probably have been something stronger. More explevatory. (No, that’s not a word, nerdy word smiths. I could have used ‘vulgar’ or even the actual proper use of the word – ‘expletive’ … but that always sounds like a noun and not an adjective to me. Still, let’s all throw ‘explevatory’ around a bit and see if it catches on. It worked for ‘guesstimate’ and ‘ginormous,’ right?)

So, back to ‘Geez’ … or maybe I’ll just ramp it up to ‘Shit’ … How do I start this thing?

Let’s start with a simple platitude. It is what it is! The “it” here is aging. Stupid, son-of-a-mother-$&*%$? aging. As we get older, our bodies age and start to turn on us. Which is a bitch. I eat right (most of the time) and exercise (every God-forsakenly hot day in this Equator-adjacent city). And I’ve endured several pregnancies resulting in two wonderful kids. Now, as these two amazing people creep into their preteens (son is 11 and daughter is 9), I sort of feel like I want to reclaim some of who and what I was before becoming a mother. Physically, I was a woman with a flat stomach and boobs in the right place. Intellectually, I was a woman who was actually paid to write – whether it be about some place or event or even just about my opinions on something.

Enter my project.

In a nutshell … I’ve decided to join the scores of other (vain … No, really. I’m just kidding!) women around the world who consider getting a new pair of, well, boobs. And I’ve also decided to go very public about it and write about every facet of this undertaking. It’s not like you want to hide this kind of improvement, right? So, there’ll be lots of opportunities for sharing ideas, advice and beliefs with me but, remember, I have only two boobs and therefore can submit to only so many opinions.

So, if you’re interested in sharing your thoughts or just hearing about my crazy journey, please check in from time to time. Tell anyone you want. That’s what public means. Actually, it means “open to, concerning or affecting the people and community as a whole.” So, for my boobs to be open to, concern or affect you, you might want to tune in.

The community is depending on it. And so am I. And so are my boobs. Both of them.