Tag Archives: barry manilow

Ketchup With Us #11


Superbowl Schmuperbowl. Yeah, sure. It’s this weekend. It’s even here in New Orleans. But it’s not my Saints or my friend, Mel’s Patriots. Plus, we already covered it in KWU #10. So we’re moving right on to Valentine’s Day. But you know we hardly ever do things the regular way in Ketchup Country, right? (I really wanted to type Ketchup Kountry but it seemed so … Cracker Barrel.)

That’s why instead of hearing about your sweetheart, your soulmate, the love of your life … the one you’re proud to call your own … we want to hear about someTHING or someONE that you’re embarrassed you love.

Me? Gosh, my mind just raced with possibilities. Velveeta cheese? Poison perfume? A certain Miley Cyrus song? Sigh. I wish I were joking. The mind loves what it loves. And even though I know I shouldn’t, I just can’t seem to shake this one.


He wrote “Like a Good Neighbor, State Farm is there.”
He accompanied Bette Middler for years.
He himself sold over 80 million records worldwide.

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But it was his 1978 release that would forever burn itself in my memory. It will always belong only to my grandmother and me.

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He is music … and he writes the songs.

Still don’t believe me?

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Exhibit A: My keyring. It’s a memento from my last trip to Vegas in 2010.


For a quick explanation of this link-up, click here. In short, Mel and I will post a picture or video with a writing prompt on the 1st and 15th of every month. You can write your entry in any form. We love creativity. And, with each prompt, we’ll feature a writer from the previous link-up. Which reminds me …

Our esteemed Ketchup With Us Featured Writer for today is …

Lance

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The Rules of Play

  1. Submit your entry using the linky at the bottom of our KWU posts.
  2. Follow us on Facebook (Michele /Mel).
  3. Follow us on Twitter (Michele/Mel) & tweet us your entry using the hashtag #KetchupWithUs.

Grab our Button!

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‘KETCHUP WITH US’ – Prompt #11

In 57 words or less, tell us about something (or someone) that you’re embarrassed you love.

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* * * * * Got five seconds? * * * * *

Please click that FANCY PANTS PINK BALL (above) to visit the Circle of Moms site and vote for ODNT for Top 25 Funny Moms.

I need this, people! I just outed myself as a Fanilow.

vote daily ’til February 13. Thanks!

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Things I’m Afraid to Tell You


A Note from ODNT … Due to popular demand (for my hideously ugly secrets), I am linking this post a second time to the fabulous Honest Mom’s blog. Enjoy reading about the skeletons of even more internet writers here. (Added 6/25/12) 

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Link-ups are big in the online writing community. They help get your name out there to new readers as well as provide you with actual content for your site. So, when I saw that my writing friend, Lindsey from With a Little Love and Luck, was participating in a link-up called ‘Things I’m Afraid to Tell You,’ I decided to give it a try, too.

I started by taking a look at some of the other entries. And I saw some pretty heavy confessions like “I struggle with bipolar disorder” and “I’m an atheist” which had me wondering if I could go through with this exercise. But then I saw a few lighter ones like “I’m intimidated by Facebook” and “I shave my toes.” Alright, fine. So maybe I can do it. And, if you know me at all, you know I’m going to have a little fun while I’m at it.

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1. I double dip … but just at home. Honest! It’s really just a peanut butter thing. I mean … how else am I going to get it on every bite of that lengthy pretzel rod? (And, to those who say “spoon,” I say “that’s an extra dish to wash!”) Interestingly though, I have the gall to chastise my children for doing the same. Good Lord, who knows where their hands have been? (I know. What a hypocrite.)

2. I have every one of my children’s teeth and (here’s where it gets weird) their umbilical cord stumps saved in a little box in my bedroom. I think I was a hippie in a past life. Seriously, if anyone ever rifles through my stuff, they’ll probably think I’m a serial killer. Oh, but I can’t wait to see the looks on my kids’ faces when I hand them their boxes on their 18th birthdays. Perhaps I’ll string them into jewelry … or some cuff links for my boy.

3. I am Catholic and, while I don’t subscribe to all of the teachings, I do believe in Heaven. I find that my life is much nicer this way. The anticipation. The accountability. So, if you know something I don’t, please don’t ruin my happy ending for me.

4. I hate The Office, The Hangover, reality television and country music. I know. YOU think they’re awesome. YOU know if I could “just see this one part” or “hear this one song,” you could win me over. Wrong. But I won’t judge you for liking them. Or at least I won’t do it in front of you. And I promise you won’t ever change my mind.

Sidebar #1 … I can remember watching an interview back in the 90s with one of David Koresh’s disciples and hearing her say that people just “didn’t understand his charisma” and that “if you just sat in a room with him for five minutes he could win you over.” And I remember thinking right then and there that I wished the man was alive so that I could sit in a room with him for five minutes. Hell, I’d give him an hour. And he could bring Kool-Aid or whatever beverage he wanted to serve. All I knew was that I was walking out of the room as the same person who walked in. When my mind is made up, it’s not easily swayed. Bring it, Koresh.

5. I (still) have basic cable and VCRs (two of them, thank you) in my house. Hooked up. Not in addition to DVR but instead of it. I just can’t justify the added expense. Plus, the only things ever watched in this house are sports, Nickelodeon and Netflix so what difference does it make? (I’ll bet my entire family just crawled under the table in shame.)

6. I have seen Liza Minnelli, Neil Diamond, Barry Manilow and Donny & Marie all in concert. Not together. But, wow, what a show that would be. I love all of these performers … there I said it … and all with good reason. They all represent meaningful connections in my life. Liza = my mom. Neil = my dad. Barry = my grandmother. Donny & Marie = me, the early years. I should probably make a trip to Vegas soon. I’ll bet they’re all playing somewhere. And I could call it The ODNT Sentimental Tour. (Actually, we could probably come up with something better than that by the time I have the t-shirts printed. Now accepting ideas.)

7. I can go for up to five days without washing my hair. I’m not talking about bathing in general, mind you. That happens every day. But hair washing? Well, let’s just say that I’ve discovered the waterless spray “shampoo” that all the octogenarians are talking about. Don’t knock it ’til you try it.

8. I don’t know how to dive. Not even close. When I was young, a kid from my class died in a diving accident and, since then, the idea of jumping into anything with my eyes closed, leading with my skull, just seemed like a terribly reckless idea. I guess now I’m unteachable. I think I missed the window.

9. I don’t flush the toilet when I pee in the middle of the night. It all started when we lived in a glorified closet and my first child was an infant. Since then, I’ve just come to feel the noise is entirely too jarring and messes with my whole middle-of-the-night, tranquility vibe.

Sidebar #2 … Why do I have to get up two or three times every night to pee (none of which is flushed until the sun has risen) while my cat manages the whole time just fine in my room shut off from his “facilities?” His kitty bladder must only be the size of an apple. And I’m talking about the small, dinky kind they pack in boxed lunches. He’s my hero. It just doesn’t add up.

10. I have NO idea where I’ll be in five years. Zero. And that scares the snot out of me.

Sidebar #3 … I’ve now managed to work “snot” into the blog for two consecutive posts. Should I keep it going?

Thanks for reading.

What about you? Care to admit to anything in the comments below?

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The 30 People Who Can Share My Birthday Crown


Writer’s Note … I had the post below written and ready to go for today, but then I woke up to the most amazing surprise. Two of my best friends out there wrote their posts today about ME! Stupid, boring, pain in the ass me. And I honestly could not be more flattered. My family wasn’t even awake yet and I was already smiling from ear to ear. So, you know, please read my stupid post but, even more so, please take a look at the posts of two of the sweetest people I know. And then keep on reading them. They’re WAY funnier than me anyway. Thanks, you guys!

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According to Mags

El Guapo

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Dear ODNT Family,

Is it appropriate for me to write something about my own birthday? It feels weird doing it … but it feels even weirder ignoring it. So …

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is my birthday. June 11. There’s actually a lot of great people born in June along with me. So, I picked 30 of them to honor today, listing each one on his or her actual birthday (i.e., 1 = June 1st and so on). I also listed my reasons for honoring them, even when those reasons sounded a little off the wall.

So, without further ado, I give you …

The 30 People Who Can Share My Birthday Crown

1 – Marilyn Monroe Because she’s a not-stick-thin hottie and standing next to her might make me look skinny.

2 – Jerry Mathers Because he had to go by the name ‘Beaver’ all those years.

3 – Suzi Quatro Because I’m still copying Leather Tuscadero’s hair. Although I could never master the snapping thing.

4 – Russell Brand Because his voice alone cracks me up. Forgive me?

5 – Kenny G Because including Kenny G on this list is simply hilarious to me.

6 – Robert Englund Because, without him, we might not have our June 9th honoree. Plus I was too scared to leave him out.

7 – Michael Cera Because his ‘George Michael Bluth’ reminds me SO much of my boy. “Breakfast?”

8 – Jerry Stiller Because of Frank Costanza. Enough said.

9 – Johnny Depp Because … well, duh. Have you been paying attention at all?

10 – Ruth DeBlanc Because she’s my grandmother, she’s awesome and she would have been 100 years old yesterday.

11 – Gene Wilder Because of …“Blucher!”

12 – Anne Frank Because she’s incredible and helped to get me reading as a kid.

13 – Paul Lynde Because I watched Uncle Arthur on Bewitched every afternoon. And because he somehow, amazingly, never came out of the closet.

14 – Boy George Because I dressed up as that man more times than I care to admit. And even won a contest once.

15 – Neil Patrick Harris Because he’s a fellow theater junkie. And because he plays a lothario on How I Met Your Mother.

16 – Laurie Metcalf Because Jackie was always way funnier than Roseanne.

17 – Barry Manilow Because he is music and he writes the songs (that make the whole world sing).

18 – Paul McCartney Because he’s Paul freakin’ McCartney. Seriously?

19 – Mia Sara Because I thought she was cool as Sloane Peterson. What ever happened to her?

20 – John Taylor Because of Duran Duran. And this mention is my shout out to all five of them.

21 –Leo Sayer Because he wrote some of the super groovy tunes I played in my early guitar days.

22 – Cyndi Lauper Because I met her once when she was with her son and she seemed like a really good mom.

23 – Bob Fosse Because of … Jazz Hands!

24 –Michele Lee Because she was the first person I ever saw who spelled her name the same way I do.

25 – Mike Myers Because of So I Married An Axe Murderer. Rent it.

26 – Jeff DeBlanc – Because he’s my grandfather and the only one here giving my grandmother a run for her money.

27 – Captain Kangaroo Because he gave me something to watch on TV when I was a kid. BEFORE cable.

28 – Mel Brooks Because of Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles & The Producers.

29 – Bret McKenzie Because of Jenny and everything he and Jemaine do in Flight of the Conchords.

30 – Ken Olin Because I so loved Thirtysomething back in the day.

Assembling this list was no small task but I had fun doing it. There were a few hard choices to make on some of the days and I was forced to leave out a number of pretty choice people. But I could only pick one person per day. Without rules, THERE WOULD BE ANARCHY… or maybe just too long of a post.

Anyway, I need to go celebrate my birthday. When I was nine, my family surprised me with tickets to see Donny & Marie live in concert. Who knows what this year will bring? Honestly, all I’m really looking for is a stress-free day where everyone is happy and my face hurts from so much smiling. And cheese.

Thanks for listening,

The Birthday Girl

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