I’m home from my girls trip and back to reality. It was a great weekend but I missed my crew and am happy to get back to them. Still … before I forget … thanks to my girlfriends for a fun, relaxing getaway. Whether you realize it or not, you are all hilarious, which is why I decided to keep my phone handy to keep track of some of your funnier sentiments. Here I share with you my ten favorites … in no particular order.
(1) My diet only allowed things like antelope, squirrel and beaver.
(2) That’s the perfect shirt to buy a loaf of bread in.
(3) If you think I’m going to yell my pants size across the damned store, think a-freakin’-gain.
(4) Short-sleeved sweaters go against everything I believe in.
(5) Why is she doing jazz hands for the nipple video?
(6) No, honey, you’re really not speaking too clearly, but that’s okay. You can try again tomorrow.
(7) Sorry, there’s no hot water. You’re just going to have to grab yourself a cat bath.
(8) I’m just going to ‘Kim Kardashian’ my face with another layer of makeup.
(9) She said she wants a “sparkly explosion below her waist.” (Referencing Say Yes to the Dress.)
(10) Will you be my cameraman when I wear a bloody wedding gown to jury duty?
Oh, and one more thing before I collapse into my bed tonight. I just wanted to share a picture of my favorite purchase from the weekend – my family’s new scrap metal garden rat-squirrel. It’s ridiculous really when I think of how long we’ve operated without one of these glorious creations.
And … obviously … I’m now accepting name suggestions.
OldDogNewTits 