I’m home from my girls trip and back to reality. It was a great weekend but I missed my crew and am happy to get back to them. Still … before I forget … thanks to my girlfriends for a fun, relaxing getaway. Whether you realize it or not, you are all hilarious, which is why I decided to keep my phone handy to keep track of some of your funnier sentiments. Here I share with you my ten favorites … in no particular order.
(1) My diet only allowed things like antelope, squirrel and beaver.
(2) That’s the perfect shirt to buy a loaf of bread in.
(3) If you think I’m going to yell my pants size across the damned store, think a-freakin’-gain.
(4) Short-sleeved sweaters go against everything I believe in.
(5) Why is she doing jazz hands for the nipple video?
(6) No, honey, you’re really not speaking too clearly, but that’s okay. You can try again tomorrow.
(7) Sorry, there’s no hot water. You’re just going to have to grab yourself a cat bath.
(8) I’m just going to ‘Kim Kardashian’ my face with another layer of makeup.
(9) She said she wants a “sparkly explosion below her waist.” (Referencing Say Yes to the Dress.)
(10) Will you be my cameraman when I wear a bloody wedding gown to jury duty?
Oh, and one more thing before I collapse into my bed tonight. I just wanted to share a picture of my favorite purchase from the weekend – my family’s new scrap metal garden rat-squirrel. It’s ridiculous really when I think of how long we’ve operated without one of these glorious creations.
And … obviously … I’m now accepting name suggestions.
Patina… Pat could be his nickname. He is going to age beautifully (as we all hope to!). Sounds like you had lots of relaxing fun and 6, 7 and 9 are killing me!
I’ll go out on a limb here and guess that you ladies consumed quite a few adult beverages? Yeah, thought so. GOOD TIMES!
Sorry, but I got nothing for you right now on that scrap metal rat-squirrel. If a clever/ingenious/hilarious name pops into my head during those moments at the boundary between sleep and wakefulness, I’ll let you know.
The bread shirt FTW. I want to meet the lady who laid down that gem. It kills.
I think he needs a grungy but cute name, like Rusty Hoe.