Tag Archives: i hate packing for a trip

The Road to Disney World is Paved with Good Intentions

My  family is leaving for Disney World soon. But, before you mark your calendars “Burgle Michele’s place,” know these three things:

  1. I’m not a complete bonehead. I’ll have people at my house in our absence.
  2. I have nothing to steal. Truly, I own no pricey jewelry, furs, silver, fine art, antiques, fire arms or fancy electronics (except two VCRs, one of which is broken). My laptop will be with me.
  3. He will be on guard 24/7. (see below)


The point of this post, you ask? Well, yes. I do have one.

Packing. It’s easily one of my least favorite things to do in the entire world. And the only reason I say “one of” is because I assume something like ditch digging is probably worse. Although I can’t be certain because I’ve yet to try it.

I hate packing for a myriad of reasons. It involves lots of laundry and trying on clothes to create “outfits.” Something that, when I’m feeling fat, I hate even more than packing. So I start thinking about it ahead of time. And obsessing about how I can drop a few pounds to make packing a breeze.

I think my inner voice explains it best. BTW, my inner voice is a jerk. Here’s what it’s been telling me for the past month.

“Okay, we’ve got a month until we leave. We can TOTALLY make a difference with a month.”

“Well, now it’s only two weeks away. But two weeks is still a long time. It’s 14 days. Ooh! We can do it like a cleanse.”

“10 days until we leave. Well, MUCH can be accomplished in ten days. No worries. We’ve still got this.”

“Wow. Is it only a week? Okay. Well, a week is plenty of time if we really apply ourselves.”

“Five days? Really?? Well, that’s how long we went on that Baby Food Diet. And that worked out great.” 

“Three days. … Um, well, having three days is still better than NOT having three days. … Right?”

“Two days??? What the … How the freak did THAT happen? That’s, like, only 48 hours. And if we can say it in hours, that can’t be good, can it?”

“Wow. Only one day left. Are we really worrying about this as we binge on chocolate graham crackers? No. You know what? We’re fine. Because we’re driving the whole first day anyway. So it’s really still two days. Plus we won’t actually get to the park until, like, 10am the next morning. So it’s really like we’re still at two and a half days.”

Two and a half days? Seriously? Pish. Rounded up, that’s three whole days. Which is almost five. So it’s practically a week! Please. No problem.

Game on, fat ass.


Packing for #BlogHer13 (plus the very first ODNT Procrastination Video!)

pack·ing /’pak-ING/vacation preparation; the action or process of reminding me that I did not diet at all but rather somehow managed to gain weight prior to the aforementioned vacation and therefore can now be found crying, hiding and cursing audibly on the floor in the closet

BlogHer '13

Yes, that’s right. I’m leaving tomorrow for Chicago. Remember? My girl made a video to help everyone recognize me at the conference. The trip and the company are sure to be fantastic. Unfortunately, prior to this little respite in my crazy summer, I need to take on the one activity that is sure to be made my eternal assignment as I pass through the Gates of Hell. Packing. I loathe it so. Which is ironic considering how much I love to travel.

What have I done do far?

Well … I got the suitcases down from the attic. (No, they are not even unzipped yet.) Also, I put the clothes from the dryer onto the bed. (Well, yes, the laundry hamper is still brimming.) Did I mention that I also need to pack both of my kids for a little getaway they’re taking in my absence? Oh, wait. And I made this little video. I’m calling it Episode One of the ODNT Procrastination Videos.

To all the people reading who know me personally, please keep trusting me to watch your children. Mine are turning out okay … aren’t they?

Truth? I made two other videos. Perhaps I’ll “release” them later. Milo and I were having a blast.  But I had to stop myself … and start packing! I figured I should start by making a list. Maybe you guys can help me. I’ll go first and you can add your suggestions in the comments. You know I’m completely serious, right?

  1. Dresses – And I need to find ones that make me look neither fat, old, sloppy nor poor. (Sigh)
  2. Shoes – Cute, comfortable ones plus others that will piss me off but give the illusion that I’m tall, interesting and glamorous.
  3. Underwear/bras/pajamas – I’ll have a roommate (Mel) so I need to bring my best stuff then try to pass it off as “everyday.”
  4. Heinz 57 ketchup costume – It’s slimming, wrinkle-resistant and  it goes with everything
  5. Purple pen – For all the autographs I will be signing.
  6. Make-up – To augment the smoke and mirrors of #2.
  7. Flat iron – If my house was on fire, it’s the first thing I’d grab after the kids. (Sorry, Dave & Milo.)
  8. Laptop & iPhone – Let’s be honest. I should’ve listed these essentials before clothes.
  9. Jewelry – Or in my case “jewelry,” considering one of my necklaces was a party favor of Vivien’s that she wanted to throw away.
  10. My tickets to see THE CONJURING – Damn it. I’m not going to sleep for weeks. Guess I should also pack some under eye concealer for the bags I’ll be sporting after that freakin’ movie!

Oh, yeah. And Mel suggested I bring a bathing suit. In case we want to swim in the pool. (pause to let your mouth hang open a minute like mine did) Seriously? Have you seen that fool? There’s no way I’m standing next to her in a bathing suit. And don’t even get me started on my hair. Besides the fact that I just colored it so the pool would look like a crime scene, the whole curly-to-straight thing doesn’t just happen.  (I said … IT DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN, MEL!!!) But I digress …. what am I forgetting? … what am I forgetting? …