pack·ing /’pak-ING/ – vacation preparation; the action or process of reminding me that I did not diet at all but rather somehow managed to gain weight prior to the aforementioned vacation and therefore can now be found crying, hiding and cursing audibly on the floor in the closet
Yes, that’s right. I’m leaving tomorrow for Chicago. Remember? My girl made a video to help everyone recognize me at the conference. The trip and the company are sure to be fantastic. Unfortunately, prior to this little respite in my crazy summer, I need to take on the one activity that is sure to be made my eternal assignment as I pass through the Gates of Hell. Packing. I loathe it so. Which is ironic considering how much I love to travel.
What have I done do far?
Well … I got the suitcases down from the attic. (No, they are not even unzipped yet.) Also, I put the clothes from the dryer onto the bed. (Well, yes, the laundry hamper is still brimming.) Did I mention that I also need to pack both of my kids for a little getaway they’re taking in my absence? Oh, wait. And I made this little video. I’m calling it Episode One of the ODNT Procrastination Videos.
To all the people reading who know me personally, please keep trusting me to watch your children. Mine are turning out okay … aren’t they?
Truth? I made two other videos. Perhaps I’ll “release” them later. Milo and I were having a blast. But I had to stop myself … and start packing! I figured I should start by making a list. Maybe you guys can help me. I’ll go first and you can add your suggestions in the comments. You know I’m completely serious, right?
- Dresses – And I need to find ones that make me look neither fat, old, sloppy nor poor. (Sigh)
- Shoes – Cute, comfortable ones plus others that will piss me off but give the illusion that I’m tall, interesting and glamorous.
- Underwear/bras/pajamas – I’ll have a roommate (Mel) so I need to bring my best stuff then try to pass it off as “everyday.”
- Heinz 57 ketchup costume – It’s slimming, wrinkle-resistant and it goes with everything
- Purple pen – For all the autographs I will be signing.
- Make-up – To augment the smoke and mirrors of #2.
- Flat iron – If my house was on fire, it’s the first thing I’d grab after the kids. (Sorry, Dave & Milo.)
- Laptop & iPhone – Let’s be honest. I should’ve listed these essentials before clothes.
- Jewelry – Or in my case “jewelry,” considering one of my necklaces was a party favor of Vivien’s that she wanted to throw away.
- My tickets to see THE CONJURING – Damn it. I’m not going to sleep for weeks. Guess I should also pack some under eye concealer for the bags I’ll be sporting after that freakin’ movie!
Oh, yeah. And Mel suggested I bring a bathing suit. In case we want to swim in the pool. (pause to let your mouth hang open a minute like mine did) Seriously? Have you seen that fool? There’s no way I’m standing next to her in a bathing suit. And don’t even get me started on my hair. Besides the fact that I just colored it so the pool would look like a crime scene, the whole curly-to-straight thing doesn’t just happen. (I said … IT DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN, MEL!!!) But I digress …. what am I forgetting? … what am I forgetting? …