As promised, I’ve been thinking a lot about everything. And reviewing my thoughts from the last (almost) three months. I sat in a coffee shop for hours recently … sifting through every single one of my blog entries to date … searching for clues of where my real feelings lie. And I don’t even drink coffee! Chamomile tea and a banana managed to sustain my right to loiter at the bar on my laptop all that time.
Anyway, over the course of my walk through ODNTs past, I came up with the following little jewels …
- August 22,2011 … I sort of feel like I want to reclaim some of who and what I was before becoming a mother. Physically, I was a woman with a flat stomach and boobs in the right place.
- August 26, 2011 … I am unhappy with my post-breastfeeding body and I am merely looking to restore it to its original form. I am not, repeat NOT, looking to Pamela Anderson-ize myself.
- August 31,2011 … They’ve never been huge. But, at one time, they were at least what I would have called “inflated” … as well as situated correctly on my chest. (And from later in the same entry) So I started thinking about it. And checking myself out in front of the mirror, lifting things up to where they used to be. To where they’re supposed to be.
- September 14, 2011 … She (Doctor 1) said that, particularly on a smaller person like myself, oversized breasts will actually create a look of added weight overall on a woman’s frame.
- September 22, 2011 … She (the mammogram technician) said that, while there are arguments stating that under-the-muscle placement does decrease the odds of an implant causing a visual obstruction in a mammogram, there are still no guarantees that a problem couldn’t form behind that implant and thereby be invisible to the technicians. Cancer cells, tumors and other problems can occur anywhere in the breast tissue so no placement is one hundred percent foolproof.
- October 8, 2011 … He (Doctor 5) said that the biggest mistake women make is going too big or too wide. He added that women should look to correct and improve the shape of their breasts and not just be worried about their volume. He actually said smaller breasts are “more elegant,” which I’m pretty sure makes me Audrey Hepburn.
- October 30, 2011 … Okay. I’m definitely getting a lift. That’s the one thing every doctor … and even my mom … agreed on.
I feel like I’m finally starting to get a little clarity here. And I’m finally starting to see the answer through the murky fog and haze. Maybe.